Today is my oldest son’s birthday!
He is now approaching his middle 30s and I am honored to say he is my son. Since he was a baby, I would always say “He is just like me, he has my personality”. Many times I have regretted saying that because I do not wish upon him or anyone else to be like me! He is his own man; working, having children of his own and has become a very responsible person. But he does have some of my genes; the genes that cause struggles and challenges. We have a good relationship; we talk on the phone and I provide him advice when he wants it and I provide him support when he needs it. In person we easily hug and say ‘I love you’. I have always tried to be there for him the best I can, but I have failed on occasion. I hope someday he really understands how truly important he is to me and that I really attempted to be the best dad I could to him. Really the main reason for this blog, the writing and the putting out there my life, my experiences, my struggles is to provide to him and my other 2 sons an insight into who I am and the reason for my failures, my actions, my personality, my life as it is. I have always felt I failed as a dad; I failed them all and specifically my son #1.
I know from experience it is not too late to be a better dad, because as I have grown older my relationship with my dad has developed for the better (post: Happy Dad’s Day). I believe with time my feelings of failure as a dad will change and I will grow out of this negative label I have given myself.
My hope is someday when reading this blog my son #1 will gain a better understanding of me. My hope is someday when reading this blog my son #1 will gain a better understanding of himself.
Happy Birthday Son #1 – I love you!