Thoughts From Years Past.4

Another documented ‘Thoughts From Years Past’ that reflects what was going on in my life at a particular time. My post ‘I want to write a book’ describes my desire to write a book and several times in the past started this process, without proceeding very far. In my post ‘Thoughts From Years Past.3’, this included the first few paragraphs of the ‘start’ of my book.

The following documentation is a continuation of those pages.

Thoughts I wrote from September, 2004 – (unedited from original writing)

You see many, many years ago, back in the late eighties, I attempted suicide. Many people feel suicide is a cowardly way out of difficult situations in one’s life. It could be, or it could be the only hope one has to relieve the pain, the struggles and battles some face every day. I struggle with these battles to this day and realize now my suicide attempts were cries for help. These battles I speak of are in my head; battles of low self-esteem, insecurity and fears. From these come depression which result in pessimism, anger, despair, worthlessness, jealousy, envy, guilt, sadness, craziness and the list goes on. You get the idea. I know all people at times feel depressed. Events happen in life with results of feeling sad and depressed. But what about feeling this way about life everyday year after year after year and not feeling anyway out? What if you could not find a way out of depression and freeing yourself from the feelings associated with it? I struggled with major depression for years and could not see any way out of it. I decided to kill myself as this would take me away from a miserable life and removing myself from other’s lives that I was hurting and causing pain. This was the answer, the cure, the conclusion to it all. Or so I thought!

….to be continued….

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