Another documented ‘Thoughts From Years Past’ that reflects what was going on in my life at a particular time. My post ‘I want to write a book’ describes my desire to write a book and several times in the past started this process, without proceeding very far. In my post ‘Thoughts From Years Past.7’, I ended with ‘From this experience I felt ashamed and that somehow I was to blame. These added feelings increased my low self-esteem and enhanced my insecurity.’
The following documentation is a continuation of those pages.
Thoughts I wrote from September, 2004 – (unedited from original writing)
My teen years overall were good years. I still continued to struggle in school with C and D grades. English was my worst subject and I was failing that class and needed to bring my grade up to a D to pass. I remember once in junior high taking an English exam. I did well on the exam and was proud of myself for what I accomplished. The teacher informed me, in front of the class, I had cheated. She said I could not have done well on the exam except by cheating. I told her I had studied and did not cheat. She did not believe me and gave me a zero on the exam. I was upset and felt insignificant. I tried to do my best and did well and was not commended for my efforts but punished because this teacher did not have faith in my abilities. There were other events that caused me to feel insignificant and embarrassed as a person. A student had put gum in my hair and when I brought it to the teacher’s attention she made a big deal about it in front of the class. She cut the gum out of my hair in front of my classmates with feelings it was somehow my fault. I felt humiliated in front of my classmates with feelings it was somehow my fault. I do not remember the circumstances surrounding the incident, but was humiliated as a result of it.
….to be continued….