Hallelujah

Hallelujah – one of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard.  I did some research and there appears to be 60 versions of this song.  If you have not heard it, please watch the YouTube video and listen; you will be touched.

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A memory from my many years of depression and one very low point of many –

The apartment is sparse, my kids are gone fulltime from my life, I am struggling financially and my mind, my thinking and actions seem to ruin everything and everyone, including myself.

The room is dark, I sit in a corner, crouched, lonely and crying profusely and asking God –

“Why?”

“Why are you putting me through this?  What did I do, that you want to punish me?”

“I can’t do this, I do not have the strength; I have lost everything and everyone that means so much to me.”

“Why, God?”

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I grew up as Baptist and my grandmother was a very religious woman and lived her life as we all should.  I remember going to church with her when I was very young – but stopped attending when I became older.  Prior to my ‘depression’ years I did not have a relationship with God and today the relationship is different.

“How could you put me through this?”

“You are not a fair God?”

“They say you are a good God; but you cannot be, I don’t understand, I hate you!”

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I made it through my ‘depression’ years and one day at my job I was discussing my ‘depression’ years with a fellow employee.  I remember telling her “I don’t know how I found the strength to get through all those years of despair, depression, divorce, the loss of my kids, the many nights of crying, the getting up every morning to live another day”  I then experienced a feeling; an epiphany of sorts.   It then came to my mind ‘It was God!’

God was always there, even when I hated him.  I was expecting God to do something – and he did.  Many years later I realized God gave me strength and endurance to keep moving forward: keep fighting the battle.  Today my relationship with God is different and I will expand on that in another post.

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Hallelujah – one of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard.

One of the verse lyrics –

I did my best, it wasn’t much

I couldn’t feel, so I tried to touch

I’ve told the truth, I didn’t come to fool you

And even though it all went wrong

I’ll stand before the Lord of Song

With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

13 thoughts on “Hallelujah

  1. On one of my web site I have a Sunday ” Name that Tune ” who sang it and the first song I posted was this one! Leonard Cohen pained 80 + verses to condense this song. It is one of my personal favorites and ironically enough KD’s version from Juno Awards in 2005 is my favorite. Also a version by Bon Jovi. https://clwiser.wordpress.com I am a pianist and Oldies song lover from the 70’s, 80’s. 90’s. Nice to meet you! Cheryl

    Liked by 1 person

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