A week ago I published a post ‘We Darn Near Lost Him’ about my dad being in the hospital, weak, very sick and unable to eat. He was receiving fluids and nutrition through artificial hydration and nutrition and was in isolation. After 2 weeks in the hospital he was able to start eating some solid food and therefore was released from the hospital this past Thursday. Thank you for your prayers.
I have spoken with my dad every day since I found out he was in the hospital. I have spoken with my dad more these past 2 weeks then I have this past year. I call both my dad and mom every couple of weeks to check in and catchup on our lives. These past two weeks the conversations with my dad have been brief, and on occasion difficult due to the Parkinson’s disease. My dad’s ability with talking sometimes makes it extremely difficult to understand what he is saying. But, at the end of the conversations, I always understand the words he speaks ‘I love you’ and I easily respond the same words back to him.
For years we shook hands and patted each other on the back. The words ‘I love you’ for the majority of our lives were not spoken to each other; these words were difficult more for dad to speak then me. For many years I never spoke these words to him; these words are easily spoken to my sons, my sister, my mom and my partner.
The relationship my dad and I have had has not always been easy – many years ago I was angry with him – this was due to me going through my own internal struggles – and to a certain degree blamed my dad. Many of us as adults with struggles seem to want to blame our parents for some of our life issues. I overcame my anger and as my dad and I grew older and wiser, we started understanding our relationship and it has grown.
There have been events in my life that I believe my dad has had difficulty understanding and comprehending. These events and the evolution of me, I am posting weekly here on my blog. In the next couple of months, these events will be revealed to you.
My dad has not always been there for me when I needed him and this upset me at one time in my life. We all have struggles in our lives and my dad is no exception. I may not know all his struggles, but I do know he tried the best he could to be a good dad to me. Me being older now, I have a better understanding of my dad.
I hope my dad knows when I say ‘I love you’; there is more meaning to these words, then just the words themselves. These word’s ‘I love you’; are ‘I respect you’, ‘I appreciate you’, ‘Thank you for being my dad’.