Anger Towards My Dad

I wrote in my post ‘I understand the words I love you’ the following –

The relationship my dad and I have had has not always been easy – many years ago I was angry with him – this was due to me going through my own internal struggles – and to a certain degree blamed my dad.  Many of us as adults with struggles seem to want to blame our parents for some of our life issues.  I overcame my anger and as my dad and I grew older and wiser, we started understanding our relationship and it has grown.

I write in today’s post the following –

As indicated in the first sentence ‘and to a certain degree blamed my dad’, was a lingering thought in my mind for many years.  Back in 1993, I moved from my current location to a different location for just a couple of months.  From this new location I wrote and mailed a letter to my dad; what prompted me to write this letter is unclear to me today.  I was 33 years old in 1993 and the path of my life changed in a way that my family did not see coming.  I felt this change had affected my dad the most and caused a rift between us.  If I remember correctly, I think it was the early 1990s that there was a period of time my dad and I did not speak to each other at all – I am thinking for at least a year.  These were years of anger toward my dad – I am dealing with new internal struggles due to my life path change – I am blaming my dad for my early life issues.

So I wrote and mailed a letter to my dad.  I do not remember everything I wrote in that letter, but it did have an impact on my dad.  I know this because I received a letter back from him; I will share portions of this letter in an upcoming post.

The letter I wrote to my dad I do know I expressed my feelings about not feeling loved by him, not feeling he was proud of me, not feeling he accepted me.  I also expressed to him the absence of him in my life when I was young and the feelings of my siblings being more important to him than me.

And I also believe that subconsciously he was at fault for the sexual violations of me by an adult male that worked for him in the businesses he owned.  After all I was 10 years old when I started working and not long after this I was left with co-workers my dad trusted to take care of me.  I know now, today this is in no way his fault, but as a young child going through this event; I had no one to turn to, not my mom and especially not my dad.

Today the anger has vanished, the relationship is good, but it did take time.

15 thoughts on “Anger Towards My Dad

  1. That is good that you found it in your heart to forgive and move on. Some people waste their entire lives resentful of their parents and they don’t know the opportunity they lost until the parent has passed away. Bravo for you. Forget the past and make the future everything it can be. Brave post.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ok, this post choked me up for multiple reasons. I actually had to take a breath before commenting. I’m not even sure how to word this. Ok, first – I think it is wonderful that you are realizing certain things about fault and intentions. I know how it feels to believe siblings where loved more than you. I know what it is like to place blame on your parents. My heart is so with you.

    I know the courage it took to write that letter to your father and I am so proud of you! And here come the tears – I wish I had done the same and fixed things with my father before he died suddenly. We weren’t estranged but a great distance had grown between us, one that I put there in response to what everyone else in the family was doing to me. I always thought there would be time to fix it once things calmed down. But that chance never came – my father was taken from me at the worst possible time in my life and the last time we spoke, I was so angry with him. That is my last memory and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

    Please continue to work at it and keep moving forward – you deserve it. HUGS!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for your comment and I truly am sorry you were unable to have your chance with your father. It has been a long process with my dad and I am glad we have the relationship we do today. Hugs to you also, keep moving forward!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. In June of 2011 I wrote a somewhat similar post to yours titled “Father’s Day 2011 – No Hallmark Card For This One” on my lifeattitudes site. I would be happy if you could take a moment to read it. The “highlights” are my parents divorced just as I was rounding into adulthood and my father chose to never see or speak to me again. I only learned of his passing in happening across his obituary…which didn’t even include me and I was his only biological child. I didn’t do a thing wrong except be his son when he divorced my mom. That being said I forgave him as the years rolled on but never got the courage to find him and tell him. That conversation is now reserved for Heaven. I am happy you are healing!

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    • The relationship between fathers and children can be more complicated than we believe. I am glad you were able to forgive him and someday you will have that conversation. As always, I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment today. I will take the time to read your post, thanks!

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  4. thank you for sharing….I can only imagine how hard it has been…I was molested as a young girl by a close family friend….he told me he would kill my parents if I told…I was very young and it was a confusing time for me, I never told my parents and didn’t talk about it until about 15 years ago….my sisters were surprised I was able to hold this in for years…I know it affected me as a young woman, I felt sexually worthless…I am so glad you were able to write you father a letter from your soul and so happy that you have a better relationship with him…….I regret not telling my parents…..kat

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