A couple of months ago I had an issue. Without going into details, something was occurring with my body that was unusual and I had some cause for concern. This occurrence started the day my son #3 married and lasted a week. During this week I contacted my doctor who is busy and short on staff and therefore was unable to get in to see him. I already had plans to schedule an appointment for my physical as I usually do this every couple of years. I never see my doctor except for physicals because I am never sick and my physicals always result in being healthy with no issues.
So during this week’s occurrence with my body, I had a slight concern about it which resulted in me thinking about what was going on. I then made the mistake and Googled my symptoms, not a good idea as the mind wants to take the worst and then expand on it, as I did.
During this week’s occurrence with my body, I am thinking the worse and rethinking what I have always said I would or in my case would not do if I became seriously ill. When I refer to seriously ill I refer to a life threating disease – this is in my mind is the cause of my occurrence. I have always told my partner if I ever become sick with a life threating disease, I do not want medical treatment, I accept the consequences and why would I want to extend my life when I will be dying someday anyway?
This post is by no means is to downplay life threating diseases and I by no means have intentions to disrespect those that have gone through a life threatening disease or have had a loved one that has. So please do not take offense to my writings on this subject – remember we all have different lives, different experiences, different thoughts and different ways of looking at everything in this world.
Again, I have always told my partner if I ever become sick with a life threating disease, I do not want medical treatment, I accept the consequences and why would I want to extend my life when I will be dying someday anyway? This is easy for me to say while healthy and based on my life; past and present, in my mind this makes sense. But then there is that week’s occurrence with my body and I am thinking about this. Do I really mean it? Do I really accept the consequences?
Well, the occurrence stopped and I do have a physical scheduled in the near future and most likely I am over-thinking this. (see post: overthink this)
At this time I will stop saying I accept the consequences and why would I want to extend my life when I will be dying someday. Instead I will wait until that time arrives, if it arrives to rethink about what I will truly do.