A Letter From Dad

In my post ‘Anger Towards My Dad’, I wrote the following –

So I wrote and mailed a letter to my dad.  I do not remember everything I wrote in that letter, but it did have an impact on my dad.  I know this because I received a letter back from him; I will share portions of this letter in an upcoming post.

In today’s post, I write the following –

August, 1993 – Excerpts from a letter from dad – (edited by replacing sibling’s names with a letter)

I received your letter and I really wasn’t surprised about anything you said. I realize more than anyone that I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, I made a lot of wrong decisions, I’ve done a lot of things I should not have done, I didn’t do a lot of things I should have done.  I wish I could change a lot of my past decisions but I can’t and I guarantee I have been harder on myself than anyone knows these last 15 or 20 years.

It never was a fact that I loved L & S more than you and M.  Of course S the only girl and she always will be daddy’s little girl.  It seems that I could always communicate easier with L but that is my fault not being able to communicate with all my children equally.

I have never told anyone this but I had a miserable childhood myself.  I never remember anyone telling me they loved me.  I don’t ever remember my father or my mother ever telling me they loved me in their entire life.  I hope and think they did.  I was very lonely and never had anyone I could go to for anything.

I don’t feel like I ever really knew my dad.  I will always have a void there.  How I wish that I could have known him more.  There was never any affection in my family and to this day it is very difficult for me to show affection.  I guess I always craved love and affection but it’s hard for me to show it.

You and I really have a lot in common, childhood and I until I was 40 years old and learned better, I thought the same as you, “Why couldn’t everyone do a good as job as I could.”  But I learned through the years that everyone and everything would not be as perfect as I wanted them to be and when I realized it, things began to come into perspective.

A summary of this whole deal is, I can’t change the past and I can’t undo the things I’ve done or said.  All I can do is to try to be more of a dad a better person but I can’t change to be a different person, just me.

…..I hope things go really well for you and I am still proud of you and I still love you very much.

Dad

7 thoughts on “A Letter From Dad

    • Yes, him and I both admit our mistakes – this had made for a much better father and son relationship. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, and also thank you for the follow. Hope your day is a happy one! 🙂

      Like

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