I do not have depression today in my life, but there was a time I was severely depressed to the point of suicide. If you have kept up with my posts; there is a progression taking place with my writing as I bounce back and forth from present to past. My posts ‘Thoughts From Years Past’ were a continuation of what I believe led me to the severe depression I experienced as a young man. I also posted on specific events in ‘My Marriage’, ‘2nd Grade & 2nd Grade’, ‘The Great Depression of the 1980s‘ and written posts about ADD and OCD and the various symptoms of these disorders.
The events of my life and these disorders all led to severe depression. The Wikipedia.org website has this description –
Depression is a state of low mood and aversion to activity that can affect a person’s thoughts, behavior, feelings and sense of well-being. People with depressed mood can feel sad, anxious, empty, hopeless, helpless, worthless, guilty, irritable, ashamed or restless. They may lose interest in activities that were once pleasurable, experience overeating or loss of appetite, have problems concentrating, remembering details or making decisions, and may contemplate, attempt or commit suicide. Insomnia, excessive sleeping, fatigue, aches, pains, digestive problems or reduced energy may also be present.
This Wikipedia description completely describes me as a young man with depression. I went through about 13 years of therapy, many years of prescribed medication and great support from the person that means the most to me; my mom. Today when I think back to that time of depression, all the years of struggles, pain, self-abuse and lack of desire to live; tears are brought to my eyes – that was a very different person. At times I feel it was not me, but someone else that I barely know, a person that is distant and now dead to me. I won the battle over depression with many years of hard work by changing my thinking, my behaviors and learning about me and the way my brain works.
I was lucky in that my major depression all those years were a result of the feelings I had about me and who I thought I was. I know there are many people in this world who suffer from psychiatric disorders that must be controlled with medications, therapy and other treatments for the rest of their lives.
I applaud you for fighting the battle every day and I pray that you have a happy and healthy life! You are not alone and there are others that understand you.
Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys with Gary Usher wrote a song ‘In My Room’ that was released in 1963. Brian was quoted as saying “I had a room, and I thought of it as my kingdom. And I wrote that song, very definitely, that you’re not afraid when you’re in your room. It’s absolutely true.”
When I went through depression I also had a room that was my kingdom and I was the only one there because no one else could understand my kingdom which was my depression.