BPD; is this me?

The last couple of months have been hectic.  It is that time of year with all the holidays and everything that goes along with them.  Then there are those trips that are taking place these last few months of the year.  Then there is the stress of a possible move next year and all that it entails.  And then there are unexpected events taken place that I will post about in the weeks to come.  So many things taking place at this time in my life.

In my post ‘So much to do…‘I wrote about the activities that are taking place these last couple of months of this year.  With all these activities come some stress and I do not usually handle stress well and I realize I place much stress on myself.  I am becoming better, but need more practice to handle stress in a healthier way.

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With the stress comes my impatience, followed by my complaining and short temper.  These are not good traits and I do try to restrain them to myself and not let them be exposed to others.  Not always easy, but I do try.

 

These traits have been with me from a young boy to a young man to a middle age man.  They have softened some, but still remain in my brain waiting for my consciousness to become weak so they may expose themselves once again.  You can read more about a few of these traits in my posts ‘Impulsivity‘ and ‘Emotional Difficulties‘.

In my recent post ‘Self–Abuse‘, fellow blogger ‘aidyl93’,

wrote a comment and I responded with the following –

I have not been in therapy for many, many years, but I think I also am borderline personality.

After I wrote this comment, I decided to do some online research on Borderline Personality Disorder, and after reading several websites, “Yes, this is me.”  I do not recall ever receiving this diagnosis during my therapy years and I found that Borderline Personality Disorder was not an official diagnosable disorder until 1980.  The late 80s and the 90s are the years I received therapy that was really geared more for my depression, what was causing it and how to get through it.  There were never underlining disorders that were treated, but me knowing me and hindsight being 20/20 indicates I most likely had an underlining issue.

So, I decided to diagnosis myself and believe this is just one of many reasons for the person I am today.

I will continue to research Borderline Personality Disorder and see what I can personally put into place to help me with this.  I am not one to want to take medications, for me I make the most effort possible to make myself the best person I can be.  This is my preference for me to take care of me.

Will see what the future holds in my research about Borderline Personality Disorder and what I can do to help myself in becoming a better person.

 

16 thoughts on “BPD; is this me?

  1. I don’t know you, so I couldn’t venture a guess about BPD. My mother >most likely< had it though. And from what I've learned of YOU through your blog, no you don't. You're missing a big piece of it – the self-absorption and skewed reality that marked (at least) my mother's disease. She was like what you say you are in the short temper and complaining/dissatisfaction arena. I wonder if 'they' (they being the mental health doctors) will discover a spectrum in that particular disorder, as they've done with autism and bipolar individuals? I'm glad you're taking steps to become the best self you can be. Oh! Another trait you don't have that my mother did – denial. She was NOT sick. Not. (to her.) I don't know if all individuals with BPD have that, and I suspect there is an environmental factor to it too…we learn from our environments/examples. I find myself being pretty self-absorbed and catch myself talking about MY problems/how I see a situation/what it means to ME and this causes me concern because I too have wondered if BPD is me on some level. Best wishes my friend.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Well, I guess we are both on a path of discovery. This is fascinating, but sad how long it can take to find answers. And then these answers are often still just the beginning of more discoveries to come. Like you, I do not want medication. I am not saying it is not necessary for many people. And I know therapy is helpful and necessary for many, but has not been for me. So self discovery becomes very important. Thank you for sharing your journey!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi you. I worked in mental health and I have an anxiety disorder. My feeling is that you shouldn’t get too caught up in diagnoses unless it helps you get better medication/therapy. My diagnoses has changed so many times I could hardly keep up. Mental illness is not a straight line – it can change, improve or get worse. It is really good, however, to be self-aware and to look after yourself in every sensible way that you can. Eat well, exercise and see your physician regularly. Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, I agree about the diagnoses changing many times. And I know I should not put much into Dr. Google when it comes to diagnosing myself. It does however provide me more information that I may able to use to improve myself. Thanks for the comment, I appreciate it very much. Have a great weekend! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • You are most welcome. I was initially very excited when my doctor wondered if I might be Bipolar II because a change of medication might have been useful but then we came back to the original diagnoses – anxiety with OCD which in turn can lead to depression. So Xanax and Prozac are my drugs of choice and I try very hard to keep life as stress free as possible. K x

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m so glad you’re doing research to learn all that you can about it and try to make yourself into who you really are and the best possible you. 🙂 That’s really awesome! I too was researching more on BPD, but haven’t found a whole lot. It seems like it’s still somewhat of a mystery, but there’s still a lot of researching on it that I need to do as well. Best of luck!

    Liked by 1 person

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