The past 7 months of blogging I have written many aspects of me and my life. If you have recently started reading my blog, you are welcome to read my older posts about this progression of me and my life.
ME and ADD – this post is about my ADD
Me and OCD – this post is about my OCD
2nd Grade & and 2nd Grade – this post is about the event I believe started me on a downward spiral to destruction and the difficult road to receiving therapy
My posts titled ‘Thoughts From Years Past’ are based on words I wrote in 2004 and describe the journey from a young boy to the time I decided to kill myself. These blog posts build upon each other and provide the experiences, events and difficulties dealing with life that eventually led to my attempted suicides.
You can read more about my attempted suicides in my post ‘It was time to end my life’.
I was born with learning disorders and with specific events in my life, the downward spiral to suicide attempts would result in me receiving psychiatric therapy.
Psychiatric therapy would take place to change my thinking from negative self-defeating to positive self-loving. There were many years of individual and group therapy sessions, medications, and the talking about me. What makes me want to self-abuse myself? What makes me want to kill myself? What makes me want to tell myself I am unwanted, unloved, a mistake, a worthless person who is defected? What makes me quick to lose my temper and want to control others? What makes me want to be a perfectionist? What makes me want to have a low self-esteem to the point life is not worth living? Why, was I sexually violated as a child? Why was I born to live a difficult life?
Some of these questions have been answered, some answers to questions may still come and other answers to questions, I may never know.
But the many years of psychiatric therapy took me from a younger man wanting to end my life, to an older man still living life today. Those many years of therapy helped me to understand me, to change my thinking and to become a better person.
Am I prefect? Am I cured? No!
There are parts of me that still need to be improved, and I continue to work on those areas each and every day. Some days are better than others; and yes, there are those moments I really screw up! But I try each and every day to be a better person – and this is what therapy has thought me.