I wrote in my post ‘The Evil Person Inside’, the following –
The majority of the time I am an ordinary person doing ordinary things. But then there are times the evil person appears. When the evil person appears, I am destructive, abusive and my physical body is consumed with uncontrollable rage and anger. These episodes do not occur on a routine basis and will come out of nowhere, unexpected at times and I am unable to find the strength to control this part of me during these episodes. After these episodes, I hate myself and feel ashamed of my behavior and the usual destructive results. Why is there an evil person inside, or is it really an evil person to begin with?
In today’s post I write the following –
I read many posts every day and comment for many different reasons. One reason is that I relate to the content of the post; what the writer is expressing. One blog I follow, I read their posts every day and we have become friends. Recently I read a post of theirs and the content brought strong emotions within me. I literally had a few tears starting to appear within my eyes. The words written of an experience this blogger went through reminded me of me. It was not that I experienced what the blogger went through, but it was that I was the other person in the post.
I can be the evil person who appears out of nowhere only to hide once again till future events bring me out of darkness. This evil person has emerged a couple of times recently, and ‘he’ is coming back to me now. ‘he’ of long ago that I have kept under control wants to emerge once again. What is taking place and why is this happening now? Is it the stress of the major location move and all it entails? Is it the worry I have about my health, the not knowing what is taking place within my body?
I am weak at the moment; recently I have been going to bed crying myself to sleep. And the day after reading this blogger’s post, the next morning I woke to crying and realizing my weakness in the current is a break that the ‘he’ of long ago has been waiting for. This particular morning, upon crying and thinking about ‘he’ of long ago, a song came to my mind. The ‘you’ in these lyrics are the ‘he’ within me.
Some lyrics from ‘It’s All Coming Back to Me’ sung by Celine Dion –
But you were history with the slamming of the door
And I made myself so strong again somehow
And I never wasted any of my time on you since then
But if I touch you like this
And if you kiss me like that
It was so long ago
But it’s all coming back to me