Me as Dad: I did what I needed to do

In my post ‘The Good Me & The Bad Her’, I wrote the following –

I have never spoken badly about my ex-wife to my sons – and I never will.  I feel no need to, it will benefit no-one, it is not necessary after all these years.

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I do however feel a need to explain me during this time that I documented in these notebooks.

Some of you know my feelings about me as a father to my sons.  Many years I felt like a failure because I was out of my son’s lives at a young age – they do not really know me.  This is one reason for starting this blog; I want to share me and who I am and my life in writing so my sons may someday know me and who I was and who I am.

 

In today’s post, I write the following –

The time during my separation and briefly after my divorce, my sons lived in the same area as me.  Living in a large metropolitan area did not mean we lived 10 minutes apart; it was more like 1 hour apart.   These notebooks I have and other documentation reflect the effort I put into being a father to my sons.  I drove miles to be with them after school while mom was working.  I helped with the science projects, the homework and the learning to read during their early years of school.  I took time to visit their teachers to discuss how they were doing in school.  I kept them on my ‘official visitations’ as well as when their mom needed me – which was more often than not.  I kept them when I felt they might be in harm’s way – I felt I needed to protect them.

I always payed the required child support and health insurance – never missed a payment.  I always gave money to their mom when she requested it – well beyond what was required of me.  I spent many more hours, days, weekends and weeks with my sons than what was required of me.  We spent time together, playing games, going to the movies, visiting parks, making meals, and even visiting Disney World.

These notebooks reflect the times, the events, the effort I put into being the best possible dad I could be.  This is reflected by my actions not just those my sons witnessed; the words ‘I love you’, the taking care of them, the hugging and the providing.  But these notebooks reflect the times, the events the effort I put into being the best possible dad I could be by those actions my sons never witnessed; those that are behind the scenes.

But I will throw these notebooks away because of the documented words from me about my son’s mom.

I did the best I could for my sons in their presence and in their absence.

I did the best I could for you my sons what was required of me and what was not required of me.

I loved you my sons then, and I love you now my sons to no end – Me as Dad; I did what I needed to do.

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25 thoughts on “Me as Dad: I did what I needed to do

  1. Gosh that is straight from the heart to the heart. Everything changes, nothing stays the same and they will understand. They probably do now. Deep inside. You were, are the best father you could, can be in the circumstances. That is all a child can ask of a parent. It takes all of them time to realise that. But they will.

    Liked by 1 person

      • Yeah, I went off on a tangent. I went through divorce, my daughter was kept from me for over a year. It was a painful time in my life. I have always dedicated myself to her. Thank God we are together again. So sorry. My mistake. I get so angry thinking about the men who don’t treaure their children as they should. Our children are the treasures of our lives.

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        • No need to be sorry, I appreciate your comments. I was afraid that my post was misinterpreted. I treasure my boys more than they know, that is what this post is about. And they will never know the actions of their mom at that time – I went out of my way, everyway possible to make sure they were taken care of, even when their mom was not. Thanks again for your comments – I do appreciate them. 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

          • No, I understood you. So so sorry. I get upset on the subject. I am a dedicated father, and her mother hurled so much gharbage about me, and I never spoke a word in anger about her. It was a very difficult time in my life. Agsin, I am so sorry. It is nice to know another dedicated father. Even though, someimtes I think we are the forgotten people (fathers).

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  2. My parents were divorced when I was sixteen. I am an only child. From that point forward I never saw or heard from my father again. He actually married his brother’s widow in a strange twist. My mother and I never spoke of why he never kept in touch with me. As an adult I certainly had the ability to try to track him down and talk with him but I waited too long to come to forgiveness and he passed away before I could at least tell him I forgive him. I tell him that now each day in my prayer. I cannot explain why he never kept in touch nor why I never discussed it with my mother before she passed away. But we will all discuss it again…someday. I have no resentment or anger. I do hope all parents stay in their children’s lives if at all possible.

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    • Sorry Bruce to hear about your relationship with your father and I am glad you no longer hold resentment or anger. All our stories are different and we do the best we can. Thank you for sharing this with me. Wishing you a great day!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. My own children are the victims of divorce. And I say victims because, no matter how “normally” I tried to raise them in their father’s absence, all three have commitment issues. The guilt I carry as a mother is like a lead weight. And my kids assure me constantly that their issues have nothing to do with me–it’s their father. In all honesty, I find myself feeling more and more sorry for him because the relationship that the kids have with him is so superficial. I think he tried too late. But you–you have always been there and that is a wonderful thing Spear! Thank you for an enlightening post!

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    • Thanks Catherine for your honest words. I wonder if maybe all parents in some way feel some guilt in raising their kids. I feel you did a good job as a mom raising your kids. You come across to me as a very caring person. 🙂

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  4. I’m not sure why you would throw the notebooks away? You might regret not having your words. You can always put them in a box marked “destroy when I die” or something, or ask your partner to make sure they don’t go to the kids later. I know this is a tangent, but your journals are important!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, I understand the importance of keeping them, but honestly I never want my sons to read them. It was a time many years ago and in the past of words written down for a specific reason. I do not think there is a need to keep any longer. Thanks for the comment, I hope you are having a great day! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • I can understand that. I was being kind of bossy based on my own regret of having destroyed old writings. It sounds like you’ve thought it through. 🙂 I also hope you’re having a great day – mine is a work day, so the most it’s going to be is “good”!

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