family’s differences

Family – what can I write that has not been written already about this subject?

merriam-webster.com has this simple definition –

A group of people who are related to each other

A person’s children

A group of related people including people who lived in the past

Their full definition of family is much more than I want to put into this post.  If you are interested you can see it here: family

All families are different, different backgrounds, different upbringings, different values and different differences.  I appreciate my family’s background, my family’s upbringing, my family’s values and my family’s differences.  I spent this past Thanksgiving with my family for the first time in many years.  You can read more about this in my post ‘This year will be different‘.  It was a nice visit, but honestly after a couple of days I am always ready to go home, my home, where I am comfortable.  You see, even though I love my family and spend time with my family, I am not always comfortable being around my family.  They all are great people, with great lives, but I am the one that has the different life.

This different life is accepted and I am always welcome – but I am usually unable to be the total ‘me’ to my family.

I always felt like the ‘black sheep’ of the family, the ‘outcast’, the ‘different one’.  Many of you know I dealt with major depression for many years starting when I was a young adult.  This depression was created by me at a young age because of low self-esteem, feeling worthless and honestly I felt like I was a mistake.  As a young boy I had placed a thought in my head; this thought was I was a mistake because I am a twin.  I felt like my parents were only expecting to have one child when my mom was pregnant and since there were two of us and I was the second one born – I was a mistake.

I was a mistake; therefore I was the ‘black sheep’, the ‘outcast’, the ‘different one’.

As I grew and dealt with struggles of my mind, I overcame my major depression and through the process discovered me, the true me.

I realized I am not the ‘black sheep’, the ‘outcast’, the ‘different one’ – I am ‘me’.

I accept my family’s background, my family’s upbringing, my family’s values and my family’s differences.

I know my family loves me for ‘me’ – but I am usually unable to be the total ‘me’ to my family.  They are my biological family, and I love them very much.  But I have other family as well – where I can be the total ‘me’.

26 thoughts on “family’s differences

  1. Oh dear spear – what an awful thing to live with to feel you were a mistake! I am absolutely CERTAIN you were not a mistake. Your life was meant to be – and you have purpose – already in the short time I’ve read your blog – I know you have a purpose – and value – you have shown that to me and many others by reading your special little blog. You are special, you were meant to be. Please just be YOU! Many love you just the way you are!

    Liked by 3 people

    • Jodi, you are very kind and I do appreciate your confident words about me. Yes, I understand now I have purpose, but while growing up it was me being self-destructive and thinking I was a mistake. Hope your weekend is great! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. My youngest was not planned. I have always told her she was a surprise (there is no masking the unplanned bit since her father had left by the time she was born and then very publically claimed she wasn’t his which effected her eldest sister terribly) …. she likes the word surprise but once asked if I meant mistake. No I said – how could something so perfect EVER be a mistake. I was, am the black sheep – that is a rough road to tred … but you have trodden it and come out with the absolute understanding that you are loved for who you are. I know how hard that is … I still struggle

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  3. I can only empathize since I am sure I was a mistake. That doesn’t mean I wasn’t loved, as were you. Those of us who struggle with depression feel alone or different from everyone else. I am not convinced that other people really perceive us as that different. Most of what I worry about is all in my head.
    PS I can only tolerate being with family for short periods and that includes my husband. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Families are “messy” just like life itself. It always amuses me at the Holidays how the perfect family is always portrayed. I don’t know any perfect people…or perfect families. Rest assured you are not alone Spear. Family is a “relative” term like you said – biological and “adopted” in the sense of friends that in many ways become even closer than blood relatives ever will. We’re all here to play our part….no mistakes!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Isn’t there on old saying that covers the ” family” When everything goes to hell, the people who stand by you without flinching — they are your family. ”
    ― Jim Butcher
    I have always believed that you have blood relations no matter what….but your real family is the ones who stand by you no matter what path your walking….I use the word ‘Clan” all the time…or my Village of Love….good day to you and yours…kat

    Liked by 1 person

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