My Roller Coaster

For the past week, I have been riding on the emotional roller coaster.  The ups, the downs, the highs, the lows, it is scary and it keeps going.

In less than a week I will have my surgery to remove the cancerous tumor on my bladder.  I am frightened and feel some anger as to what is going to take place.  Let us be honest and personal, shall we?

There are no incisions being made to my body to remove the tumor from my bladder – do you know how it will be removed?  Yes, there is only one opening from the outside of my body that takes a direct route to the bladder.  The thought of how this tumor will be removed makes me nauseated and I double over to protect my male parts.  To who ever invented general anesthesia, I am forever grateful to you.

The emotional roller coaster has many more downs & lows then ups & highs.  I feel anger at times, I cry at times, I am having trouble concentrating and have lost most of my motivation to do anything.  Then there are times I am at peace with it all and know when this is over, life again will be good.

I have taken time to go back and reread some past posts I have written.  I needed to remind myself I have been through much worst in my life and I survived and became stronger.  Again I will survive this and again become stronger.

Here are some important words I wrote in past posts –

I am not afraid to die’, I wrote the following –

I believe all of us are on this earth for a reason, and no matter the struggles we encounter; we all have strength within ourselves to overcome, to move forward and to survive.

Predict our day of death’, I wrote the following –

Well, I have no fascination with death or dying.  I just want to keep it as a conscious thought because the seconds are ticking.  I want to keep the conscious thought aware in my mind to remind me to live each day the best I can.

The Waves Created by Storms’, I wrote the following –

So, can the storms of our lives that bring negative impacts in turn bring good things to our lives?  Think about it, if our lives are in a drought; suffering from the lack of substance that we need to live, are then receiving that very substance in abundance – will this bring life back to us?

My Life My Way’, I wrote the following –

Some articles I read indicate I will die in 3 years at age 58.  Again, I am not afraid to die – I am living my life my way.

What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger’, I wrote the following –

We have heard this phrase many times and you may likely have heard the song ‘Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You)’ by Kelly Clarkson.

This is a good phrase and applies to many areas of our lives.  I like these phrases and songs – they inspire me!

41 thoughts on “My Roller Coaster

    • Thanks, hanging in there is the difficult part – I just want to get this all over with. But I keep reminding myself, soon this will pass and all will be good again. Appreciate you taking the time to read and comment today. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Prayed for you just now… a prayer for an unknown soul, by another unknown soul walking this earth, is the purest of prayers…it is said from the heart to the Father’s ear, and it has none of the baggage that praying for those we know might hold. So blessings on you, and God be with you through your surgery and afterwards. Blessings.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey, #1 boyfriend – it’s going to be fine. I can empathize because my mental health is up and down like a whore’s drawers just now. Did you like that Scottish expression? I have just been fantasizing about which way I would leave this earthly plane because I am feeling a bit unwell. You have to be strong and positive because I would miss my #1.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. My husband had a TURP and they went in that way….he actually came out of it better, sure some discomfort but no incision to heal and no scar for a reminder….I feel your anxiety and send you calm, peaceful love…..next week this time you will be cancer free….how wonderful is that to think about….you will be home and well on your way to recovery…mental and physically…..XXXXXKAT

    Liked by 1 person

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