I am grateful for that person now dead to me

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I am grateful for many things in my current life – I do not always show it – but I am grateful for many things in my current life.

I am also grateful for many things in my previous life – that life I used to have – that life of many years ago.

My posts titled ‘Thoughts From Years Past’ are based on words I wrote in 2004 and describe the journey from a young boy to the time I decided to kill myself.  These blog posts build upon each other and provide the experiences, events and difficulties dealing with life that eventually led to my attempted suicides.

In my post ‘In My Room of Depression‘, I wrote the following –

I went through about 13 years of therapy, many years of prescribed medication and great support from the person that means the most to me; my mom.  Today when I think back to that time of depression, all the years of struggles, pain, self-abuse and lack of desire to live; tears are brought to my eyes – that was a very different person.  At times I feel it was not me, but someone else that I barely know, a person that is distant and now dead to me.  I won the battle over depression with many years of hard work by changing my thinking, my behaviors and learning about me and the way my brain works.

In today’s post I write the following –

I am also grateful for many things in my previous life – that life I used to have – that life of many years ago.

In my recent posts ‘Life is like a‘ and ‘The Waves Created by Storms‘, I write about my thinking on events that occur in my life and the reason for them.

In my recent post ‘Oh Too Many Relationships‘, I write about my thinking on people that were in my life at a particular time.

I am grateful for past events, past experiences, past happenings and past relationships.

I am grateful for depression, attempted suicides, prescribed medications, many years of therapy, struggles, pain, self-abuse and tears.

Image2I am grateful for many things in my previous life – that someone else that I barely know – a person that is distant and now dead to me.

That previous life and that other person; brought me here today, to live, to love, to appreciate and to be grateful.

I am grateful for many things in my current life.

I am grateful for that person now dead to me.

 

37 thoughts on “I am grateful for that person now dead to me”

  2. Oh Terry! That is so uplifting. Gratitude, real gratitude not just for the good things but for the bad takes immense strength. ‘that person now dead’ is part of your tapestry but a buried part and confronting that demon undoubtedly shaped the lovely man you are now. Happy Saturday – I’m counting hours til the man that completes my tapestry is in my arms again 🙂

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  5. What a challenging journey your life has been. I am glad you found someone to share it with who loves you and wants to share his bounty with you. Companionship of wonderful people is one of the best things we can hope for in life.

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  8. Your blogs make me realize what a very strong person you are, Tery. I cannot imagine how you have survived intact after so many awful situations. I have had therapy for many years, along with medication but since my illness is genetically inherited in my case, it seems harder to remain in a stable, healthy state. Some years I have been deeply depressed when everything is just great in my life so it is not just circumstances. For all that I am grateful that we live in an age where we don’t have to hide our illness, sexuality or anything else and grateful for your friendship.

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  9. Terry, you always amaze me. I could be wrong, but what is apparent is that you don’t regret any part of your past, and that is wonderful. You have gone through hurt, despair and everything, yet now you appreciate it all, as it has changed your being, it changed you to who you are today, it has shaped you to You Today. You look for the positive in life and I am so happy you are proud to be you. I am proud you are you. Well done, you have come so far. Have a great weekend further.

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  12. Gratefulness is a powerful healing force. It can help you to accept yourself and your life, all of it. I understand what it means to come to this place in life. You are an amazing person! Thank you for sharing this!

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