I have been a mean person lately. Gary is the recipient of my meanness. I recently have displayed happiness, joy and positive here on my blog. In reality, I have been a mean person lately.
In my post ‘The Evil Person Inside‘, I concluded with the following –
Is there really an evil person inside of me? Maybe there is not an evil person inside; maybe I am just losing control. Losing control of what? Maybe I just have an anger issue or I am easy to lose my temper.
Per the above excerpt, I am not an evil person and therefore there is something I can and should do to control my outbursts even when I do not know when they are going to occur. For me I think there are triggers that cause the uncontrollable episodes of rage and angry. I am trying to change my thinking so the triggers are no longer valid and therefore nothing occurs. The changes include my mindfulness meditation, exercising, working on having more patience and I am really trying not to be a control freak.
In today’s post I write the following –
These episodes recently are occurring more frequency; maybe due to stress? The placing of the current home on the market is occurring in less than a week and still there is a list of things to do. And I thought we were going with ‘Plan A’ for our next chapter, but now we are thinking about ‘Plan B’. There are still decisions to be made and time is running short; what if the current home sells quickly? Currently we do not have a place to live immediately upon selling this house; and we still have some downsizing to do.
Yes, I have been feeling stress and I know as usual I place stress upon myself with my lists, schedules and time tables. When the items on my lists are not marked off based on the schedule I allowed per my time table, I become stress – and stress leads to me being mean. I have been a mean person lately.
Gary is the recipient of my meanness. I recently have displayed happiness, joy and positive here on my blob. Now do not get me wrong, I am happy about moving on from the current home to the next chapter. I do feel joy about the move and change that will take place in the near future. And I am positive the next chapter will bring me from a place where living life is unimaginative to a place where life is creative, original, new and fresh again.
I have been a mean person lately. Gary is the recipient of my meanness. He puts up with me, does not necessarily understand me at times, he is strong, sincere and patient.
I need to be more conscience of me, my behaviors, my reactions and my thoughts. Difficult it is at times for me; the person who is impulsive, and creates outbursts of anger and control.
Yes, I have been a mean person lately.