Mean Lately

I have been a mean person lately.  Gary is the recipient of my meanness.  I recently have displayed happiness, joy and positive here on my blog.  In reality, I have been a mean person lately.

In my post ‘The Evil Person Inside‘, I concluded with the following –

Is there really an evil person inside of me?  Maybe there is not an evil person inside; maybe I am just losing control.  Losing control of what?  Maybe I just have an anger issue or I am easy to lose my temper.z93gxke4hdevgvn8mhuf

Per the above excerpt, I am not an evil person and therefore there is something I can and should do to control my outbursts even when I do not know when they are going to occur.  For me I think there are triggers that cause the uncontrollable episodes of rage and angry.  I am trying to change my thinking so the triggers are no longer valid and therefore nothing occurs.  The changes include my mindfulness meditation, exercising, working on having more patience and I am really trying not to be a control freak.

In today’s post I write the following –

These episodes recently are occurring more frequency; maybe due to stress?  The placing of the current home on the market is occurring in less than a week and still there is a list of things to do.  And I thought we were going with ‘Plan A’ for our next chapter, but now we are thinking about ‘Plan B’.  There are still decisions to be made and time is running short; what if the current home sells quickly?  Currently we do not have a place to live immediately upon selling this house; and we still have some downsizing to do.

Yes, I have been feeling stress and I know as usual I place stress upon myself with my lists, schedules and time tables.  When the items on my lists are not marked off based on the schedule I allowed per my time table, I become stress – and stress leads to me being mean.  I have been a mean person lately.

Gary is the recipient of my meanness.  I recently have displayed happiness, joy and positive here on my blob.  Now do not get me wrong, I am happy about moving on from the current home to the next chapter.  I do feel joy about the move and change that will take place in the near future.  And I am positive the next chapter will bring me from a place where living life is unimaginative to a place where life is creative, original, new and fresh again.

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I have been a mean person lately.  Gary is the recipient of my meanness.  He puts up with me, does not necessarily understand me at times, he is strong, sincere and patient.

I need to be more conscience of me, my behaviors, my reactions and my thoughts.  Difficult it is at times for me; the person who is impulsive, and creates outbursts of anger and control.

Yes, I have been a mean person lately.

48 thoughts on “Mean Lately

  1. Terry, moving house, is a huge forms of stress for anyone. (It is as stressful as if going through a a divorce or dealing with a death) Hang in there Terry, it is a good thing that you have recognised this, and therefore are aware. Have a great weekend 🙂

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  2. It´s a weird and sad thing that we´re mean to the ones we love most, but we all do it and therefore please don´t be to harsh to yourself. As long as you take notice of it, it´s never too late 🙂 Wishing you strength for this stressful time! xoxo

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    • Thanks Sarah for understanding – I am hard on myself, because I expect perfection from myself, which then creates stress. I am aware of this, and I try to stop this process, but it is part of my personality – I keep trying to change. Have a great Saturday! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I was going to say ‘stress’, but you figured it out for yourself. It’ll pass. And I’m curious…isn’t he mean to you sometimes too? Everybody deals with stressful situations in their own ways, and I’m pretty sure Gary knows that you love him. Just hang in..as I said “this too shall pass.” It’ll be okay.

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    • I know it will pass as soon as this house becomes sold and we move on. There is also some uncertainly in future plans and this also causes me stress, I am a planner, and when there is not exact plan, I do not deal with too well. Thanks dear for the comment. 🙂

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  4. Sorry dear! I do believe its stress having had much experience with this. Give yourself forgiveness and love! For us it was a cycle i feel of thinking there was no way out of having been mean so the meanness then was worst. I feel saying sorry, moving forward and saying, yes i am a nice person, will do better, sorry if i am just blabbing. I applaud your desire to do better, it’s amazing. Hope i didnt cross the line xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  5. We all have faults.We all have needs. Yours may have to do with planning and organization and so you have expectations. When I am perfect I will pass on some suggestions, but I’m sure not there yet.

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  6. we often hurt the ones we love the most – the most – but if it is truly love – you will get through it. It is good that you recognize you are being mean. And I hope you acknowledge to him. And all you can do is your best. It is truly a stressful time. Try to cherish the small good moments! Hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. You have had some unbelievable stress recently – some good, some bad. You have been diagnosed with cancer, you have been clearing out what once must have been a beloved home and preparing to move to something unknown, no matter how beautiful it may be. Anger and lashing out is just one symptom of stress. My husband can be like that but he always apologizes and tells me he loves me. Mindfulness is excellent. I acknowledge that I must be impossible to live with right now – a huge ball of sorrow but I keep taking the medication and try to smile. K x

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  8. Being mean is a weird one Terry. Sometimes we think we are perfectly okay and then we open our mouths and we literally cannot stop ourselves. We know we don’t mean it, we know we don’t want to say and we know we don’t want to hurt the person we love most by either our actions or our words but it is like an out of body experience.
    All we can do is be mindful or take ourselves away and work it out.
    Good luck Terry.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. You know what they always said…(not sure who they are but this was drilled into my head) you always hurt the one you love, as they are there for you, rain or shine, pain or joy…..so I am sure he understands more than you know…deep breaths….your really not a mean person….just keep taking deep breaths…..kat

    Liked by 1 person

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