will I cry or will I smile?

I do not really like Father’s Day!

Why, you ask?  Not because I dislike my father, no – it is because I dislike me as a father.

I have a great relationship with my dad; was not always this way, but it is now – and that is what is most important.

I have a good relationship with my sons; it has always been this way, but it could be better – this is important to me.

I do not really like Father’s Day; it has not always been this way, but I am use to it now – it is no longer important to me.

I need to move on and I have some, but there are reminders such as Father’s Day that reminds me that I feel I was not and am not a good father.

Will this Father’s Day be different?  I will know soon.  Will today be the same as last year?  I will know soon.

Last year I received no recognition on Father’s Day – no phone call – no contact at all.  Will this Father’s Day be different?

I am not here to write bad about my sons – but when I receive no phone call – my heart breaks – I beat myself down – I failed as a father.

Last year 2 days after Father’s Day, I published a post – a poem.  You can read it here ‘No Phone Call Received‘.

I ended that poem with this –

Why do I make it all about me?

It is because I love you and I want you to see.

I hoped things had changed and really believed,

But instead I cried because No Phone Call Received.

I end this post with this –

Will this year be different?

Today will be over soon – will I cry or will I smile?  Will this Father’s Day be different?

If it is the same – I will recover in about a week and will do better next year.

I do not really like Father’s Day!

45 thoughts on “will I cry or will I smile?

  1. I hear you Terry.
    I have a son who fails to see the importance of the day himself even though he has a son of his own and complains when he cannot see him on fathers day.
    Today I received no card. I did get a text apologising for this fact but it does tend to make me wonder what we have to do and this is a child I have a supposed good relationship with…..
    Do not let it define you, it is their loss and it is up to you to take the opportunity to smile and ignore it.
    Be well Terry 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I don’t like these ‘days’ at all for this very reason, they make people feel unloved and unappreciated if they don’t receive any acknowledgement; they make people send or buy things out of guilt or because some anonymous person/company has designated it so; and for all those who are estranged or who have lost their mothers/fathers/children it is heartbreaking. I am sick of all the ad tweets, email adverts, tv adverts beseeching me not to forget my father on Father’s Day – he died 30 years ago and I have spent the weekend crying because I miss him so much. I have posted two poems and a full post about him this weekend. We tell our children not to get sucked in by these commercial events. They show their appreciation in lots of ways, we don’t need for them to spend much-needed money on unnecessary stuff to fill the coffers of card and gift companies. My daughter once obviated this by sending me a home-made card the week before Mother’s Day, which made me smile, but normally we avoid them.

    Liked by 6 people

    • I do agree with you completely about companies making it so we do feel some guilt. I never send my mom or dad a card on their ‘special’ day – but I do call them. But you know, I call them every couple of weeks also, just to say hi and see what is going on in their lives. That to me is important, to have a line of communication with them and every time we end our conversation, it is by saying ‘I love you’. Thanks for your comment, always appreciated! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I was extremely thoughtless when I was in my 20s and 30s. Even so, I would never have done something purposefully to hurt my parents feelings, and if I did, I would’ve preferred to be told so I could correct my behavior. Have you talked to them about it and let them know how you feel? Maybe they’re not aware they’re being thoughtless?

    Liked by 1 person

    • I have never spoken to them how I feel, I thought as they grew older they would understand the importance of at least just calling on this one day. But then again, I need to change my expectations and to stop blaming myself for it. Thanks Paula, hope today is a good day for you! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • If you want things to be different, you have to communicate your needs and feelings, especially with children. Just because they grow up doesn’t mean they get a clue (I know because I was that clueless one). I do hope you have a very Happy Father’s Day!! 😀

        Liked by 1 person

  4. You will do both…I’m sorry your in pain. We all have failed as moms and dads. We are human. We have flaws. I understand your pain. I never knew my dad. Met him once ..he has his own life ..his own children ..I guess it was just too late and he never wanted me. Rejection hurts! I surrendered all the pain to God. I opened my eyes and began to see so many others who were suffering far more than I. It’s way beyond anything I can explain..I still have hurt…but, My focus is not on what I have missed but, what I shall have some day! I have friends who have lost their dads and grieve so much..I’ve told them I would do “anything” to have just ONE day to be my dad’s daughter. Just one memory. Terry you have a lot going on in your life..I pray for you. Do not beat yourself up with guilt. Do what is right in your own eyes. Listen to your own conscience. Most importantly forgive. And forgive yourself. I don’t even know you..but I already sense you have a kind heart and forgiving heart. It will get better. It’s a promise!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your words, as I do know I still need to continue the forgiveness of myself. It is a process of me, one that I have been going through for quite sometime. It does become easier over time. Thanks again for the comment, I truly appreciate it. Have a happy day my friend! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. First: a hug to you my dear friend. Second: These hallmark holidays can be brutally painful for a number of reasons. It can increase lonliness, grief, regret, unmet expectations, etc. Im happy for those who have wonderful feelings and celebrations on these days, but really, as I become older I see the stress they have on many, many people.
    Im glad you had the courage to write this post today. I bet you give voice to many others who feel the same. 💜 Alexis

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you Alexis for the hug. And you are correct about these holidays, they are difficult for many people. I am getting better – overcoming my guilt and accepting the reality. Happy day my friend! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I haven’t gotten anything for any holiday for a long time. My children chose the people who mattered the most to them and one of them was not me. I understand your pain.
    For me…the only thing that bothers me now is hoping that someday they don’t wake up and wish they could talk to their mama. It might be hard on them.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yes, I totally relate! I think the same thing also, one day when I am gone, I believe they will regret these days and maybe then they will ‘get’ it. Thanks for your comment, it is always appreciated! Hope your day is happy! 🙂

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  7. Shame Terry, this cannot be easy for you at all. Not being acknowledged on this day must be hurtful. I know you blame yourself, that is what good parents do, but also, remember your sons also play a part. (and I do not mean any disrespect to your sons whatsoever) I have seen it in life, where a child only realises the depth of important days like this, when they themselves become a parent. …and perhaps their child forgets…that hurt triggers and they remember the hurt they caused their parent at that time.
    I am sorry you are struggling today, and I really hope in my heart of hearts, that you do get that phonecall. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Like many of your other comments, I feel that it is just a day that Hallmark has taken advantage of. All that really matters is the rest of the year. Do you love them and do they love you? Young men, in particular, tend not to focus on cards and sentiment. I am terrible at remembering holidays and often forgot to send a father’s day card to my father in law (his own son would never have remembered!). None of this affected our love for him and how much we cared for him in his later life. Hugs K xx

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you Kerry, I do appreciate your comment and totally agree. I do not send cards to my parents but very often I call then. I think just keeping in touch with them throughout the year and telling them each time what they mean to me is important. Those calls to them are more important than the one call a year on their day. What makes this day more difficult for me, is my sons rarely call me at all – so it makes this day more special if they did call. It is all good, I will survive and life will go on. Thanks dear, I appreciate you very much and hope your Sunday is good for you – hot – but good! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • Your blog gave me much to think about. I had a difficult childhood because of my father’s abandonment, my mother’s mental illness and her alcoholism. I resented every mother’s day card and didn’t acknowledge my father. They were both ill equipped to have a child and I didn’t ask to be born. Nonetheless, I loved my mum and can now feel pity for my father who made some very bad choices in life. Life is complicated, eh? I hope you are not sad and that you truly enjoy those infrequent phone calls from your sons because each one tells you they love you. Hugs K

        Liked by 1 person

  9. In my experience, sons and husbands tend not to be very good communicators. They also have a blind spot when it comes to important days. I used to buy the birthday cards my dad gave to my mother. I was especially proud of one. The front said ‘I almost forgot your birthday but an old animal instinct stirred within me’. Inside it said ‘self preservation’.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Terry – phone call or no phone calls – you just stay strong and know that you did your best with what you could at the time and now. You just keep loving your kids and believe that they will someday realize what an amazing man you are. Imperfect as we all are. Simply human. And if they don’t – well – that doesn’t mean you are not a good man. It took me almost 40 years to reunite with my birth father. He shared that he had many sad times and tears – and so did I, but in the end, the timing was absolutely perfect. Please don’t beat yourself up for being YOU, my friend! You are loved!

    Liked by 1 person

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