In my post ‘will I cry or will I smile?‘, I wrote the following –
I do not really like Father’s Day!
Why, you ask? Not because I dislike my father, no – it is because I dislike me as a father.
In today’s post, I write the following –
Guess who turns 34 today? No not me, I wish!
Today is my son #1’s birthday. He turns 34 years old today!
Wow, seems like yesterday I was changing his diapers and burping him. I have images in my mind of him dressed in cute outfits such as a little baseball one piece with the matching baseball cap. I remember him sleeping on my chest the nights he had colic. I remember feeding him, bathing him, taking him on vacations, spending time with him and helping him with his homework.
Those days are gone and a memory now. Today he is doing those things because he has ‘kids’ of his own. I call my sons, ‘kids’ – they will always be my ‘kids’, my sons. But being in his mid-30s, I guess he is no longer a ‘kid’, but a man. Yes, he is a man, but he is still my ‘kid’, my son.
So, today is my son’s birthday, and he is now 34. Amazing! Where did the time go?
For those of you have followed me for quite a while, you know I have struggled internally about my role as a father and as a dad.
After writing numerous posts last year about my role as a dad, my relationship with my sons and the feelings of disappointment in myself as a dad; I decided it was time to move on. I decided it was time to move from thoughts and feelings that weigh me down and prevent me from going forward. The past is the past and are embedded in memories. I am unable to change those memories, but I can create new ones.
So as I celebrate my son’s 34th birthday, I will also celebrate me moving on from the less than perfect father and the less than perfect dad.
Today is my son #1’s birthday. He turns 34 years old today! Yes, he is a man, but he is still my ‘kid’, my son.
Happy Birthday Son #1!
Happy # 34, my ‘kid’!