Monthly Archives: July 2016

Good

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merriam-webster.com has the following definition –

good

adjective |\ˈgu̇d\

Simple Definition of good

:  of high quality

:  of somewhat high but not excellent quality

:  correct or proper

People ask me how I am doing and I usually respond with “Good”.  In the mornings, I usually tell Gary “Good morning” and he responds “Good morning, how are you?”  I respond “Good”.

Sometimes in comments on my blog, I will respond with “All is good”

image1I am not always ‘Good’, in fact lately I have been quite the opposite.

I can and am a mean person at times – I admit it – I can be and am a very mean person at times.

I have previously written about this side of me before.  You can read more about this in my posts ‘The Evil Person Inside‘, ‘Mean Lately‘ and ‘I can do better‘.

Lately I am not ‘good’, it is the opposite!

You may remember in my video log ‘The Next Surgery‘, I spoke about my bladder issues becoming worse, and the lower right side pain I was experiencing.  Quotes from that video “I am okay with it all.”, “It is what it is.”, “I will deal with it the best I can, and that is all I can do.”, “I have not been the happiness person lately, I have had a lot of pain lately, and that is part of the deal.”

In my video log ‘Have a Happy Day‘, I explain where my unhappiness comes from and why I am in a bad mood, therefore I become mean.  The bladder is burning continually and increases with urination, which is quite often.  The lower back area continues to hurt and I am tired.

Just because I have aches and pains and cancer does not indicate I am doing nothing.  Today, tomorrow and the next, I continue to take care of a home, lawn and a pool.  A couple of weeks ago I was in the front yard and taking care of my weekly lawn care; trimming, mowing, sweeping and one of the neighbors I had not spoken with for a while approached me.  He asked how I was doing.  I responded “I am good!”  Really I was not good, I was tired and not feeling good at all, but I was not going to tell him that.  Why?

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Image Provided by: thesocietyonline.org

I honestly feel many people don’t want to hear how others truly feel.  I think out of courtesy to others we ask; especially those that are dealing with a physical illness.  If I were to respond to the question differently and say “I feel very bad today, my body hurts and my bladder is burning and I am very tired.”, what would the response be?  I do not really know.  I doubt I would receive the same response as I do when responding with ‘I am good!”

Am I being sarcastic?  Well maybe I am – I will continue to tell people I am good.  Except here on my blog, and you truly know the way I feel.

And I appreciate those that read and respond to how I truly feel.

WHAT?

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My category ‘Pictures & Stories’ are posts with me writing a fictional, creative short story about a picture.

WHAT

WHAT? –

It was the usual trek home after a night of working the neighborhood.  The journey back to the home was slow this morning as the tiredness from the previous night’s events were beginning to take its toll.  The fences seem higher this morning and not as easy to maneuver.  With the breeze blowing oh so lightly and the coolness of the air made for a relaxing stroll.  But the tiredness kept its grip and increased with each small step.  The home base seemed forever in the future to arrive and the trek started becoming slow.

The slowness and tiredness were interrupted by the noise that came from below!  That creature again, why is it there and what is its intentions?  The journey stopped and played the ever so popular game to not gain additional attention – but to no avail.   For the creature’s noise had alerted them again and the search had begun.

As the motionless was instilled with the journey no longer the event, there came the alerted one.  The noise stopped and the alerted one became interested and the tiredness that was once now was alert.  Then slightly the turn and the look –

WHAT?

love is in the trying

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A couple of weeks ago I published a post ‘School of Hard Knocks‘, for which I received many comments.  One of those comments was from Amanda Ricks and she wrote the following –

It is very hard at times to separate our own guilt over perceived past inadequacy as a parent and letting our kids have and work on their own stuff. i can relate. Just remember, “love is in the trying.” You always have tried your best and still are and that’s what counts.

I replied with the following –

Amanda, thank you for a very thought provoking comment – I mean that in a very good way. I never thought about it this way “love is in the trying”, this is a phrase I certainly will remember. Thank you for reading and commenting, always appreciated!

The babycenter.com website has an article titled ‘Sweet age-by-age ways to show your love to your child’ that begins with the following –

A $10,000 birthday party? Nah… Making children feel loved and special can be as simple as rolling around on the floor with them! Read on to find age-by-age suggestions.

The article’s suggestions to show you love your child only goes to age 8 years old.  Okay, that is fine, but what about after age 8 and beyond; in their 30s, you know adults!

Many of you know, I divorced when my sons were very young.  Son #3 was about 3 years old and the other two would be 5 years and 7 years old.  I was out of their lives fulltime at a very young age and since that time have tried to prove my love for them, to them in many different ways.  I have had internal struggles with myself and I have reinforced myself time after time that I did the best I could with the circumstances.  I feel at times my sons do not really care about me, they tell me they love me and I tell them I love them – I always have – since they were little babies.

I have tried to prove my love for them.  There was the showing of affection, the providing comfort, the gifts, the vacations and the financial assistance.  But as Amanda indicates in her comment, “love is in the trying”.

I think one day they may realize I tried to be a good dad and tried to prove my love to them.

You know I have cancer and have done plenty of research.  My hope someday before my time is up, whether it be near or far, I hear those words “Thanks dad”.

When I was younger my dad did not show affection, did not provide comfort, gave few gifts, few vacations and no financial assistance.  A couple of weeks ago I had a conversation with him and after we talked about my next surgery, he indicated he tried to be a good dad to me.  I responded you were and you are the best dad; you have taught me many good things.

I realize now, his love ‘was in the trying’.

my life right now

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In my post ‘Good things require work‘, I wrote the following –

My nights are increasing in the lack of sleep I am receiving due to pain and discomfort, and I wake every morning tired, feeling lifeless with spirits down.  These difficult nights, the lower right back pain and the burning bladder are all taking a toll on my body and my emotions.

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Image Provided by: bestofpicture.com

In today’s post I write the following –

The sleepless nights are starting to hit me hard.  I think I am averaging about 4 hours of sleep a night, along with the pain.  The burning in my bladder is persistent and when I pee no matter night or day, the burning shoots from my bladder to my right kidney.  Upon waking in the mornings, I try to do a little stretching to help reduce the pain in my lower back.  The stretching does help my back feel better at times and other times it does not.  I cry about this new way of life I am experiencing.  The quality of life and the lack of happiness and lack of enthusiasm I have right now results in no motivation; results in nothingness from me.

I am just existing and accepting life as it is.  I keep telling myself, my life will be different several months from now and I believe it will.  But I also believe I will experience worse before I experience better.

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Image Provided by: bestofpicture.com

I try to remain optimistic, without being too pessimistic; I struggle every day because I need comfort that I am not receiving.  I am unsure exactly what that comfort is.  I talk with my mom and my dad and my sister and I tell them how I am feeling and Gary knows I experience pain every day.

I don’t know if I am wanting compassion, or comfort or something else that I am not currently receiving.  Part of me does not desire these things because I do not want people to really know how I am feeling.  I am just pretending to other people; telling them I am not feeling too bad, when in reality I am.  I am honestly miserable; I just hate the quality of my life right now.

The departing of ways with Dr. F. and the appointments in the future leave me with my own difficulties to deal with at this time.  I recently decided I needed to take medication that would help me and help my present life be better.  I hate taking medication, and I have always especially stayed away from pain medications.  But, I feel I have come to needing to take some type of medication at this time.

A couple of days ago, I started taking OTC medication for urinary pain relief and it has brought some relief.

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Image Provided by: bestofpicture.com

Mid-day I am taking an anti-inflammatory and evenings prior to bedtime I take a mild muscle relaxer.  These mild medications are allowing me some comfort in reducing pain and helping me to sleep a little better.

This is my life right now.

Pool Boogie

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Hello everyone, this post is a Video Log post related to Boogie Blogging.

What is Boogie Blogging – dancing, moving to music, making a fool of myself, creating laugher within you.

I like to dance and I like to move; movement is good for all of us.  Why not have fun while we are moving?

It you like the music with my videos, you are welcome to get up and move or dance with me!

Let loose, let’s have fun, let’s do some Boogie Blogging.

 

Boogie Blogging while in the pool –

Online Presence Never Dies

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My online presence will live forever – my online presence never dies.

Have you thought about what happens to our online presence once we have left this world?

Online presence: what happens to these when we are gone?

I have a Facebook account and a Twitter account and a Tumblr account and a YouTube account.  I have a Tripit account and another website currently parked – not being used at the moment but does include quite a bit of data.  I also have a WordPress account with a blogsite that includes writings, posts and pictures and media files of me and my life.

What happens to this online presence once I have left this world?

Will my online presence live forever – will my online presence die?

I have all the necessary documents prepared for when my life ends.  I have the Will, I have the instructions upon my death, it is all prepared.  The instructions state to delete all my online presence and to wipe away my existence.  First I think about, will this actually occur.  After all I am assuming whoever is left with this responsibility will actually delete my online presence.

Then I think about, if they actually delete my online presence, is it really deleted?  I assume, my online presence will be deleted someday.  I am hoping who is responsible for this follows through with my wishes.

But am I really deleted from online forever, never to have existed?  I really do not think so – I am there somewhere filed away in terabytes of data.  Maybe someday I will show up again or maybe just left there never to be seen or read or listened to again.  Why do I care, if I am already gone from this world?  After all I am dead, why do I care that I still live in the online presence world?

In my post ‘Legacy‘, I concluded with the following –

The book will most likely never be written, and I am okay with this realization – my autobiography, my memoir is this blog.

This blog is what I want to leave as a legacy; to my kids or whoever else is interested in reading about me and my life.

In today’s post, I conclude with the following –

I am not sure why I waste my mind on thinking about what will happen with this blog once my life has ended.  Why do I really care?  Part of me wants to leave something behind, a reminder I guess that I was here.  Part of me wants to leave nothing behind, as if I were never here.  This battle in my brain, in my mind is a struggle between my existence being one of worth or one of waste.

Why would I want to leave an online presence, an existence that was a waste?  Then again, that online presence, and existence may be worth something to someone, someday.

an end to downsizing

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In my post ’18 days and counting!‘, I wrote the following –

The PODS container was delivered yesterday.  Items we are keeping and storing are now starting to make their way into the container.  Much downsizing has taken place over the past year and a little more to go with regards to ridding of un-needed items.  Tomorrow we are having an Estate Sale and hope to downsize considerably more items.  The PODS container will be sitting in our driveway for 2 weeks at which time it will be picked up and stored.

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In today’s post, I write the following –

The PODS container will be picked up this Thursday.  Since it was delivered, we quickly filled it, with no room to spare.

A week ago this past Saturday, we had the Estate Sale and it was a success and in that 2 of 3 larger items we had left sold.  These 2 items were a brass bed with mattress set and the baby grand piano.  Last week we sold additional smaller items and the last remaining large item sold this past weekend; a couch.  This past Saturday we had a moving sale and sold our remaining smaller items.

These past weeks we have continued our downsizing and with the combined garage sales of last year, we have rid of approximately 90% of our possessions.  Remember we lived in a 3,800 sq. ft. home and are moving into an 5th wheel with about 300 sq. ft.  Possessions we are not taking with us in our 5th wheel are in the PODS container that is about 200 sq. ft.  Having much less possessions is an amazing freeing feeling.  I am glad Gary and I decided to downsize considerably and decide to ‘go tiny’ in our next living situation.  I am unsure what the future holds for us with regards to where we finally end up living on a permanent basis, but at this time, the ‘go tiny’ works for us.

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With 1 week to go, the house is nearly completely empty.  By Thursday, the last item to be placed in the PODS container will be the one and only remaining mattress.  For the past 2 weeks it has been on the floor in the master bedroom for us to sleep on.  After Thursday once the PODS container is picked up, I guess we will be sleeping on the floor.  Friday we plan to bring the 5th wheel back home and park it in our next door neighbor’s driveway.  They will be out of town this next weekend and are allowing us to park the 5th wheel there.  We will load the 5th wheel with the remaining items from the house and be ready to leave promptly on Tuesday of next week once house closing papers are signed.

With 1 week to go, a year’s effort of downsizing is coming to an end.  This chapter that Gary and I have experienced for quite some time is coming to an end.  And the next chapter soon will begin.

December 1971 – Brand New Key by Melanie

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December 1971 – a song popular in this month – Brand New Key by Melanie

This simple song about a young girl who gets a brand new pair of roller skates was written by Melanie in 15 minutes.

Interesting facts about Brand New Key & Melanie

She intended it to be a lighthearted novelty to perform in between her more intense material. However it proved to be her most successful song.

Melanie’s search for enlightenment inspired her to go on a 27 day fast, during which she drank nothing but distilled water. Coming off the fast, she was eating transitional food when she felt the urge to get a McDonald’s hamburger. On the way back to her house, she started to write the song.

In 1976 the English West Country comic folk band The Wurzels took their rewritten version, “Combine Harvester (Brand New Key)” to the top of the UK charts.

Olivia Newton-John recorded a dance version of this song for the 2011 movie soundtrack A Few Best Men. She also had a supporting role in the film as Barbara, the mother of the bride.

This information was provided by Songfacts.com

Move over Jack Nicholson

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I am nominated for 4 awards!

Cool, right?

Well yes, except I have been busy with packing and downsizing I am running way late on responding to them.  I was thinking if it is okay with you, I could combine 2 awards in this post.  If you missed my earlier post of my other 2 awards click here ‘Move over Meryl Streep‘.   If you get through this whole post, you get a gold star – lots of information here.

Multiple Awards Border

These 2 awards I have not previously been nominated for.  So here we go –

My friend Embeecee over at sparksfromacombustiblemind nominated me for the Black Cat, Blue Sea Award.  She is a wonderful lady and I would encourage everyone to visit her blog.  She is honest in her blog and I certainly enjoy reading her posts.  Thank you Embeecee very much for this nomination.

Black Cat Blue Sea Award

The rules of this nomination are:

1.Anybody nominated can nominate up to seven other bloggers.

2. Anybody nominated answers three questions. The questions you ask while nominating can be any three questions. If any of the questions asked are offensive or one simply does not want to answer, it’s all good.  You still get the award.  You put in the work, right?

3 questions I was asked –

What is the wisest thing anyone ever told you?  Do you still quote it back to other people today?  Do you follow the advice?

Good question, I cannot think of any specific wise thing anyone has told me – sorry.  I do know people I consider wise who were a big influence on me.

2.Do you like cats or dogs better?   No right answer for this one, I’m just nosy.

Dogs, they are normal, some cats are weird!

3.Coke or Pepsi?   Or are you a person who prefers neither and thinks the whole ‘war’ between these two colas is a publicity gimmick designed to get us to drink more of our chosen beverage?  Tell us what you do like to drink!

Neither – I do not drink soft drinks or pop, or coke or soda – depending on what part of the country you are from.  I drink lots of water!

My 3 questions for my nominees –

1.What is your perfect pizza?

2.What is your greatest fear in the world?

3.It you could do something over again in your life, what would it be and why?

My nominees – (no pressure to accept my friends)

Roberta over at Chorizo & Thyme

Tony over at sonofabeach96

Lynn over at Lynn Thaler

Chevvy over at CHEVVY’S STUDIO

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Another friend Laurel at My Journey Into Darkness/The Story Of A Life Wasted With A Lying, Cheating, Disease-Giving, Narcissistic Husband nominated me for the Entertainer Blogger Award.  Another great blog, interesting posts, very honest person here – please take a visit to her blog.  Thank you Laurel for the nomination.

Entertainer Award

The Rules:

• Write a post with the award picture shown above.

•  Nominate up to 12 other bloggers who are funny, inspiring, and most of all ENTERTAINING!

•  Thank the person who nominated you by tagging their blog.

•  Answer the five questions listed below.

The five questions are:

1. Why did you start a blog in the first place?

I want to write a book about my life and thought a blog would be a good starting point.

2. What is your favorite book?

I do not have one – I have not read many books in my life.

3. What do you dislike the most?

Drivers who do not use there blinkers when turning or changing lanes.

4. What is your favorite food item from the mall?

I don’t have one – if there is a Chinese place, I usually go with that.

5.  What is your favorite pastime activity?

Lately blogging.

My nominees: (no pressure – you do have awesome blogs)

Tanya over at postprodigal.com

Cheryl over at Cheryl “Cheffie Cooks” Wiser

Irene over at IreneDesign2011

Gama over at pritamode

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Once again thank you very much to the following for the nomination –

My friend Embeecee over at sparksfromacombustiblemind

Another friend Laurel at My Journey Into Darkness/The Story Of A Life Wasted With A Lying, Cheating, Disease-Giving, Narcissistic Husband

Move over Meryl Streep

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I am nominated for 4 awards!

Cool, right?

Well yes, except I have been busy with packing and downsizing I am running way late on responding to them.  I was thinking if it is okay with you, I could combine 2 awards in this post and later today, I will have another post with the other 2 awards.  If you get through this whole post, you get a gold star – lots of information here.

Multiple Awards Border

These 2 awards I have previously been nominated for.  So here we go –

Charles over at Charles French Words Reading and Writing nominated me for the One Lovely Blog Award.  If you have not visited Charles blog, please do so.  His blog is full of interesting posts that relate to ‘An Exploration of Writing and Reading’.  Thank you very much Charles for this nomination.

One Lovely Blog Award

The Rules:

*Thank the person who nominated you, and give a link to his/her blog.

*List the rules.

*Display the image of the award on your post.

*List seven facts about yourself.

*Nominate (up to) 15 bloggers for this award, and notify them to let them know you have nominated them.

Seven Facts About Me:

Everything and anything about me is on this blog somewhere.  Instead of listing them here, I will let you go read about them in previous posts –

I like routines, do you?

Do Not Disturb

– the ‘unsocial me’

Drink, Drink, Drink

The Great Depression of the 1980s

It was time to end my life

Killing Me Softly

My Nominees: (no pressure to accept – I do like your blog)

Jessica over at Send Sunshine

Asha over at Asha’s Blog

Van over at vanbytheriver

Chris over at pearsnotparsnipsdotcom

Lori over at LoriGreerInPortland

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Sarah over at Secret Art Expedition nominated me for the Sunshine Blogger Award.  Please visit Sarah’s blog, as you will be inspired by her paintings, drawings, potteries and other artistic posts.  Thank you very much Sarah for this nomination.

Sunshine Blogger Award_1

The rules:

1.Thank the person that nominated you.

2.Answer the 11 questions from your nominator.

3.Nominate 11 bloggers.

4.Give them 11 questions to answer.

Questions for me:

1.What do you prefer: shopping or reading a book?

Tough question, because I really dislike shopping and reading a book would be difficult for me.  When I shop, I go for a particular product.  When I read, my attention span is short, therefore I prefer reading blog posts instead of books.

2.Did you ever sing karaoke in public?

I have once that I can remember.  I actually have a post about this in the coming weeks that will be part of my ‘Pictures & Stories’ category.

3.You´ve won 1 million US-Dollars but can´t keep it for yourself – what would you do with it instead?

Give it to my sons.

4.If time-travels were possible where – oops!  when would you travel: future or the past?

I would say the past.  I prefer to leave the future a mystery and not know what will take place.

5.What brings sunshine into your life? (apart from the sun, of course😉 )

Ice Cream, Cake, Cookies, Cup Cakes, did I mention Ice Cream?

6.What kind of super-power would you like to have? (like telepathy, flying etc.)

Teleportation – the ability to travel fast from one place to another.

7.Have you ever encountered a “troll” in the blogosphere? And how did you handle it?

Oh you know I have – read these posts: ‘It’s about you – not me’ & ‘You know who you are’

8.Do you watch documentaries?

Occasionally when I happen to come across one.

9.What aspect of blogging do you like the most?

The interaction with wonderful friends I have met here.

10.If you could start your own business – what would it be?

Making cupcakes that bring happiness to people’s lives.  Did I mention, I would serve the cupcakes with a side of ice cream!

11.Pop Corn – with salt or sugar?

Salt and please lots of butter!

My Questions:

1.If you were ruler of the world what laws would you make?

2.If you were a super hero what would your hero name be?

3.What would you do if you won the lottery?

4.What talents do you have?

5.What is your favorite holiday?

6.If you could live anywhere, where would that be?

7.If you could change anything about yourself what would it be?

8.Would you rather trade some intelligence for looks or looks for intelligence?

9.How long could you go without talking?

10.What was your favorite birthday?

11.What historical Figure would you love to see in 21st century life?

My Nominees: (no pressure to accept my friends)

My friend over at Tarnished Soul

Val over at Find Your Middle Ground

Freda over at Aromatic Essence

Joan over at Retirement and beyond

Tikeetha over at A Thomas Point of View

Jennie over at A Teacher’s Reflections

Lynn over at An Encore Voyage

Derrick over at derrickjknight

Choppy over at TRAVELS WITH CHOPPY (sorry Sarah)

Sue over at Dreamwalker’s Sanctuary

David over at Life and Random Thinking

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Once again thank you very much to the following for the nomination –

Charles over at Charles French Words Reading and Writing

Sarah over at Secret Art Expedition

Sorry it took me so long to respond – I appreciate the nominations!