Mother Mary

Last Saturday morning, I voice recorded my thoughts.  Here are those words –

It is early morning and I am exercising this morning.  I am not going to stop exercising just because I have to have my bladder removed.

I made my mom cry the other day.  It upset me that she was crying; she was crying because she knows I am going to go through a major surgery to have my bladder removed and some other organs removed, and that my life will be different.  And, I guess as a parent we don’t like to see our child suffer; we don’t want to see our child struggle and we don’t want to see our child go through certain situations.

I have seen my mom cry before, but not like this.  I saw her cry at the funeral of her mother, my grandmother; I saw her cry last year when her long term companion, her dog Fluffy died.  This time it was different; she was crying because of me.  And I am sure my mom has cried before for me, about me – but not in front of me.  She has always shown strength, always shown courage.

I talked with my mom a couple of weeks ago about this upcoming surgery, the most recent one; and I had told her, I said this is not the end, I feel it, I just know there is more to come.  And I told her also that I will get through it because this is not my greatest battle, my greatest battle has already occurred.  It was that depression, that great depression within me, about me that wanted to bring me down, wanted to end my life, kill me, destroy me – and I battled back, I found the strength and courage and I won that battle.  I overcame that which wanted to beat me down to nothing.

And so, since then I have had battles to fight, obstacles to overcome and received scars along the way; I overcame, I fought through, to move forward – that to which I do every day.  So this battle, this next war; it’s not going to stop me, it’s not going to defeat me, it’s not going to make me weak – not mentally, physically I may have some things to overcome, some struggles to deal with that I have never dealt with before.  But you know what, it is not going to bring me down, not going to defeat me, not going to be the end of me.

Maybe all those scars of battle that I have received throughout my lifetime are just reminders of the strength and courage and the will to overcome.  The will to be better, the will to survive and the will to move forward.  This is just another obstacle, another war, another battle; the one maybe for all my life I have been preparing for.  And that is what I am going to do.

It is not the end of the world and it is not the end of me.

There is still more to come.

53 thoughts on “Mother Mary

    • Thanks Sarah, I know my mom is strong – she has always been here for me, especially during those years of depression. It saddens me to see her upset. And a wonderful day to you as well. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Seeing your parent cry is very very hard and when the tears are on account of you it is just achingly hard. Of course she cries because she loves you, she wants nothing to ever get in your way but also because she feels helpless. But the fact that you honestly share with her means that she is your great support, your nurturer as she has been all through your life. Let it Be is my anthem. In times of trouble it is the simple wisdom that works. You will be well. I know you will. The best of your journey is yet to come. Big bump ahead and then sail away and all the while Let it Be.

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  2. I feel with you, Terry, seeing your mother cry is tough, knowing that she does it because this is happening to you maybe even more. I scarcely have seen my mother cry, but evertime she does, it hurts me just as much it does her. It is scientifically proven that crying really helps us on a chemical basis, it actually floods out the stress hormons, so in a way, crying can be good, at least help us feeling just the tiniest bit better. But I know that this battle will be won by you!!! Keep fighting! You´re sweet, but you´re also very tough! XXX

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    • Thank you Sarah, and I know crying is good, trust me I have done enough of it in my life! My mom is special and she means a great deal to me – she is very important! Have a wonderful day! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. A beautiful song….. You have scars from the past, but those scars are a symbol of what you have overcome, it is a symbol of your strength, to fight the fight. You are a huge inspiration to me Terry, and you are going to get over this hurdle or this bump in the road and then the sky ‘s the limit for you my friend, there will be no stopping you to fulfill a wonderful life. Have a great day. 🙂

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  4. My friend Terry….I will remain forever twirling under every moon and sending you healing thoughts….Just a bump in the road…your positive outlook and determination is the best medicine that you could have going forward….your wonderful optimistic positive spirit is healing in itself…I listened to your video, shed my heartfelt tears for you, but I could not in good conscience hit the ole like button, as I do not like this…your mother loves you, and as a mom, its hard on us to see our babies, no matter what age you are, you are always our babies in our hearts, and to be so helpless in the moment…I feel her pain for you….I know in my heart you will get through this, you and Gary will be out on the road enjoying life and this will be just be a memory….As you already know we are all here for you Terry….Namaste my friend….your in my thoughts…..xxxkat

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    • Kat, you are a sweetheart – all that twirling under the moon will certainly bring good things my way. Thanks for understanding and being here to support me – I truly appreciate you! I do see Gary and me on the road someday – a little later than I wanted – but it will happen! 🙂

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      • I know it will….just get this little hic-up taken care of, Terry I have friends (2) that are living with no bladder and they are leading very active healthy lives….took a little adjustment period and then there was no stopping them…I am glad you have your upcoming dates, surgeon ….best to just get on with it….and my dear I will be twirling till its over and your on the road..anything I an do to help….keep positive thoughts….this to will be behind you soon…..can’t wait to see your new home on wheels…much luv….kat

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  5. Such a difficult and raw time for you Terry. I feel for you and also for your mother. As a daughter who’s shed bucket loads of tears for my own mother I know what it’s like to feel pain and fear. But you’ll get through this. You have an incredible attitude and strength. I could feel it through your words. Sending you warmest wishes. xo

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  6. Keep up the good fight. You remind me of an editorial I once read in which the author said ‘we ignore those without battle scars because they haven’t really lived’. Believe me, there’s no ignoring you. Sending hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Hi Terry. Your mom has turned a corner, at her age, and is now more vulnerable. It is around this time that we become our parents caretakers and that’s what you had to do. You soothed her and reminded her that you have fought greater challenges. That was a gift to your mom – to make her feel hopeful. My mum sobbed uncontrollably about my illness at times too because it is genetically inherited. Hugs Kx

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  8. The situation is a difficult one, but the way you handle it is so beautiful.

    “Maybe all those scars of battle that I have received throughout my lifetime are just reminders of the strength and courage and the will to overcome. The will to be better, the will to survive and the will to move forward.”

    You are such a strong person.

    Liked by 1 person

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