School of Hard Knocks

I stole the title of this post from a comment left on one of my other posts.

I believe kat from the blog ‘Time No Matter’ will understand.  Thanks kat, I truly appreciate every comment you write to me.

The other day in the afternoon I was sitting in the backyard writing a post and performing some research about a specific topic.  During this time, I read kat’s comment on my post ‘Learning the Hard Way‘.  This is a portion of her comment –

My father always told my mother, Kathy will just have to learn about life from the school of hard knocks!!! I was the most argumentative, stubborn, smart mouth kid around…LOL My mom always said, Don’t worry she will get hers when she starts having kids just like her, there’s always one just like them…LOL they were both right….I am still going to the school of hard knocks, learning from life…I still have a smart mouth…hummmm can’t believe that…LOL and I did have a son, just like myself…hard to raise and it still is at times….even though hes 29….but like me, he is love of a kid and would give up his right arm for the right person

That comment struck me hard!  She wrote something in that comment that I totally relate to.

Last year, in my post ‘Happy Birthday Son #1‘, I wrote the following –

Today is my oldest son’s birthday!

He is now approaching his middle 30s and I am honored to say he is my son.  Since he was a baby, I would always say “He is just like me, he has my personality”. Many times I have regretted saying that because I do not wish upon him or anyone else to be like me!  He is his own man; working, having children of his own and has become a very responsible person. But he does have some of my genes; the genes that cause struggles and challenges.

In today’s post, I write the following –

My son #1, turned 34 last month, you can read the post I wrote here: ‘# 34, my ‘kid’!‘.

I never want to write bad things about anyone, especially my sons.  This blog is about my life; but my sons are part of that life.  Son #1 has and still is experiencing tough times in his life.  We spoke on his birthday for the first time in 6 months.  This time period not speaking was not because I had not tried to contact him.  I try not to make it about me, but I do become angry and hurt when my calls are not returned.  I try to put myself in his shoes because I know he is going through some struggles in his life right now.  Struggles that are very similar to mine when I was his age.

As I continue to write this blog, I research, learn and discover me.  This part of me that causes struggles within me – maybe my son is going through this also.

And what about those calls that are never returned?  Well maybe, just maybe he is busy in the school of hard knocks.

37 thoughts on “School of Hard Knocks

  1. Well, of course I don´t know why your son doesn´t return your calls, but he can be glad that you do call from time to time! My father abondened me completely a couple of years ago for his new family and never – ever! – tried to get in touch. I don´t know why or how he can do that but he does. It quite hurts.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sarah, I am very sorry for the situation you have with your father. I am sorry if by reading this post I brought sadness and hurt feelings within you. I know we all have different relationships with our family, and unfortunately they are not always what we want them to be. I wish happiness and sunshine in your life – your friend, Terry 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you, Terry. And there really is no need to apologize, that special kind of sadness will always be a part of me no matter what I read, it really is not your fault and you did not hurt my feelings in any way. To be honest, it is nice for me to know that there are fathers like you who try to get back in touch with their children. And you´re right, our relationships within our families are not always what we want them to be. Wish you also so much happiness and sunshine in your life!!! xxx

        Liked by 1 person

  2. You do a good thing by reaching out to him. I’m sure one day he will appreciate knowing his father was always there for him, regardless if he returns your calls or not. Hope you’re doing well and have recovered/are recovering nicely from your surgery! Have a great day!! 😀

    Liked by 2 people

    • Paula, I have always reached out to all my sons, but many times they are not good about returning calls. My feelings about this are based on my feelings about myself as a dad to them – something I still struggle with, but am slowly overcoming. I appreciate you always taking the time to read and comment – have a happy day my friend! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I was a kid who had to separate from my parents for awhile. It wasn’t them, it was me. I needed to find my way on my own and figure out this life thing without what I felt was their judgement or interference. They never were interfering or judgemental but that was my stuff. Eventually I figured it out and we have a great relationship now but I had to take time to figure it all out. It’s not you. Be the loving, supportive Dad and when he is ready he will be happy to know you are still there loving him as always.

    Liked by 3 people

    • You brought a tear to my eye – you know I am an emotional guy! I understand and I agree – and I know my feelings of hurt are based on my so-called ‘failures’ as a dad. An area I continue to struggle with, but am overcoming. Thanks dear, I always appreciate your comments! 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  4. I think that the child who is the most like you is always the one a parent has the most difficult relationship with because we know our mistakes and know that they are prone to making the same mistakes and so we try to stop them and end up being resented.

    Liked by 3 people

    • I agree Bernadette, I have allowed my sons to make their mistakes, but I have tried to let them know of the consequences of their actions in order to help them make better decisions. For son #1, I think back to when I was his age and what was going on in my life, and I know I was not talking much with my dad at that time either. I appreciate you and hope your day is wonderful! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I think the thing is that because you truly understand your son’s nature and the nature of the challenges he is facing you want to reach out and fix it. He is, after all the tot in the baseball all in one sleeping on your chest because he was colicky. As a mother (a single mother) I want to fix everything in my children’s lives, I want them to need me. And they do. And they don’t. You gave your boys roots and wings …. sometimes the wings dominate but the roots will bring them back one day. I promise you that.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. It is very hard at times to separate our own guilt over perceived past inadequacy as a parent and letting our kids have and work on their own stuff. i can relate. Just remember, “love is in the trying.” You always have tried your best and still are and that’s what counts.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Terry,this post saddened me. You are a wonderful dad, and I know you will always be. It must be sad when your son does not call back, but it may not be because of you. When my brother left home, got a place of his own, my dad always reached out to him, always went to visit him, My dad was so proud of my brother and just wanted to feel part of his life. My brother at that time, was so roped up in his own life, and life revolved only around him, but my dad never gave up. My dad passed away 19 years ago, and that is when my brother got his ‘wake up’ call, that is when he realised that he had been ignoring my dad, ignoring his love and kindness and never showed him love ever. To this day, my brother sheds tears of that. I certainly don’t wish that of your son, but my point is, he knows you are there, he probably is dealing with his own stuff, (not that that is an excuse) but I hope that one day soon he returns that call. I hope one day soon, that you are happy that he has called. Have a great day my friend. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Oh my friend….man its hard to be a parent….so proud we worked hard to raise them to go into the world and become one told us how much the heart would ache when they do….and then when they are going through a hard time, no matter what, and they choose to do it without the guidance or help from us….I think that hurts even more….my son who is just at the end of his 2nd divorce….told me months ago at the beginning he was “going off the grid” and didn’t want me to contact him, he needed space, not just from me but everyone….he wanted to do this on his own and make his own decisions without influence from anyone no matter if we thought he was making the wrong decision… its hard to raise our kids to be independent and then not only want to be involved in there lives on an intimate level…but expect to be… all I can say I have come to understand that I did raise my kids to be independent and I am extremely proud of who they both have become…responsible, adults who make wise choices….and my son is till learning from the “school of hard knocks”….thank you for making me feel like what I feel and say not only means something special to someone but helps them become a better parent in this matter….Terry, all we can do is love them to the degree they allow us to…and always, always let them know we are here for them…..XXkat

    Liked by 2 people

    • kat, all your comments have much meaning for me – I connect with you – and that means a great deal to me. The 1st of this year my son’s marriage ended and I know he has been going through somethings and as indicated with you son, I think mine also needed some time off grid. He is a good man, being responsible and taking care of business! Thanks for your input, you have a way of putting things in perspective that helps me to understand. Happy Day! 🙂


      • I have had to learn to accept that they are adults…I try to take that hard step back and put myself in there foot steps…sure I may handle things differently but isn’t that the beauty of life, we are different and have different thought process…believe me it the hardest thing I think I have ever had to do….let them take the tumble and get up and try again….hell I know my parents let me do it…and I became a better person for it….they didn’t do it to be mean…I was so dam stubborn!!! LOL that’s where the school of hard knocks came in…LOL sorry about your son…but I look back on my 2 divorces and they were the best thing I could of ever done…so I am being optimistic about my son’s latest divorce….everyone thought they were meant for each other, but know that he is single…he seems like the old kid I knew, happy, laughing smiling….so maybe he does know whats best for himself…LOL I am learning to have faith in his judgement……hope your doing well and not in a lot of pain….xxkat

        Liked by 1 person

        • I am glad your son is happy again – I know mine is too! Thanks for asking about me, I have not written much about my body lately – but I haven’t felt much better after this past surgery. I look forward to when the pain is gone, the constant burning in my bladder is horrible at times. I will get through it – all will be good soon. Thanks again for asking – you are a good friend! 🙂


  9. This is very hard Terry. When they are young, our time with them is on us. But when they grow older so much is out of our hands. I am sure he knows that you are always there for him whether he calls you or not.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. It’s so true… I’m sure he’s just trying to figure things out, like all of us do. And I don’t know why people make the choices they do, but it must make sense to them at the time. But what you can know is that you haven’t stopped trying. You’ve made it important to you to reach out, and he knows that too.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Pingback: love is in the trying – Surprising Lives

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