I started meditating

In my post ‘What is meditation teaching me?‘, I began with the following –

Meditation – why are you in my life?  I asked you to join me and help me, to improve me, to take me and bring me to a better place.

Meditation – why are you in my life?  I asked you to teach me, to build me, to journey with me to a better life.

In today’s post, I begin with the following –

I have not written about meditation in my life for quite a while.  This is because, I have not been meditating for quite a while.  Prior to leaving Dallas, the downsizing, the packing and the moving and the sleeping on the floor and the aches and pains I was experiencing I lost focus and I lost my routine.  Now there is the new living arrangement; a 5th wheel in an RV park and then came the quick 3-week voyage to doctor’s visits and now receiving chemotherapy.

I have yet to place meditation back into my routine in my new location with my new voyage.

But meditation never left me; maybe it has temporally from my daily routine, but is has been here when I needed it.

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I remember back in February of this year, it was my first surgery to remove cancer and I was nervous and scared.  This would be the first time ever in my life that I had surgery and I was nervous and scared.  I remember laying on a bed in a pre-surgery room prior to my surgery and having an IV inserted and thinking about what was to take place next.  I felt my emotions wanting to take over and I felt like crying, but I did not want to show my weakness to the nurses that were attending to me.  I wanted to restrain the emotions and the crying, so I started meditating.  The meditation at that time helped me and would again for the next surgery that would take place later in the year; this past June.

You may remember a couple of weeks ago, I had a port inserted into my chest that would be used for receiving chemotherapy.  There I was laying on a surgery table with an IV in my hand and oxygen entering my nostrils and machines monitoring my vitals.   I knew I would be awake during this procedure and was told all would be fine during this time.  The people in the room are very nice and I do feel comfortable though nervous and anxious.

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I started meditating.

Meditation once again brought me comfort and brought me back to me.

I asked meditation to join me and help me, to improve me, to take me and bring me to a better place.

I asked meditation to teach me, to build me, to journey with me to a better life.

Mediation has accomplished these and will continue to do so as I proceed forward into my journey.

I started meditating.

‘Like’ the thorns

In my post ‘Good‘, I concluded with the following –

I honestly feel many people don’t want to hear how others truly feel.  I think out of courtesy to others we ask; especially those that are dealing with a physical illness.

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Image Provided by: http://www.byui.edu

If I were to respond to the question differently and say “I feel very bad today, my body hurts and my bladder is burning and I am very tired.”, what would the response be?  I do not really know.  I doubt I would receive the same response as I do when responding with ‘I am good!”

Am I being sarcastic?  Well maybe I am – I will continue to tell people I am good.  Except here on my blog, and you truly know the way I feel.

And I appreciate those that read and respond to how I truly feel.

In today’s post, I conclude with the following –

And I appreciate those that read and respond to how I truly feel.

And I appreciate those that read.

And I appreciate those that respond.

And I appreciate those that ‘Like’.

It is okay to ‘Like’ when reading something you do not like.

I read blog posts from others that are dealing with something unpleasant and I ‘Like’ their post to let them know I read it.  I appreciate them taking the time to write their feelings and emotions and sharing it with others.  I hope others appreciate me taking the time to write my feelings and emotions and sharing with them.

Life is not always roses, there are thorns that prick us and cause pain and blood and discomfort.  Once the pain and blood and discomfort are over, healing takes place.

‘Like’ the thorns as much as you like the roses – I am okay with that – I need it right now – I admit to my need for acceptance – At times I am weak.

The ending lyrics to the song ‘The Rose’ –

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Image Provided by: http://www.byui.edu

When the night has been too lonely

and the road has been too long

And you think that love is only

for the lucky and the strong

Just remember in the winter

far beneath the bitter snow

Lies the seed that with the sun’s love,

In the spring becomes the rose

At this time in my life, I have thorns.  I know in the future there will be a rose; not just one, but many roses because that is what I am choosing.  And you, your support, your friendship helps me and brings me strength.  So my friends, ‘Like’ the thorns because there is a bouquet of roses to follow.

March 1972 – Horse With No Name by America

March 1972 – a song popular in this month – Horse With No Name by America

America was formed in England by sons of US servicemen who were stationed there.

Interesting facts about Horse With No Name & America

This was originally titled “Desert Song,” since Bunnell wrote it based on the desert scenery he encountered when his dad was stationed at an Air Force base in Santa Barbara County, California.

According to Dewey Bunnell, the “horse” represents a means of entering a place of tranquility, and this tranquil place was best represented by the desert, which sounded pretty good to him while he was stuck in rainy England.

Released as a single in the UK, it shot to #3 in January 1972, prompting the group’s label, Warner Bros., to issue the single in the US and also release the album with the song included. On March 25, both the single and album hit #1 in the US; the song stayed at the top spot for three weeks, the album for five.

America did the soundtrack to Rankin Bass’s classic animated film The Last Unicorn.

America is known for their soft rock sound. This genre gained popularity after the breakup of The Beatles. The music is usually highly orchestrated and heavy on ballads.

A 2010 episode of the TV series Breaking Bad is titled “Caballo sin Nombre,” Spanish for “Horse With No Name.” At the beginning of this episode, the main character Walter White sings along to the song on his car radio, and then at the end he sings it again.

This information was provided by Songfacts.com

No soy Rickey

My category ‘Pictures & Stories’ are posts with me writing a fictional, creative short story about a picture.

I am not Ricky

No soy Rickey –

It was before the time of him, the one that many thought was the other.  On the street, crowds would surround the one and the response would be “es él”.  The response would be “No, no!”, and the one would be swiftly taken and moved away.  The other sites and locations would always be the same for the one that many thought was the other.  And the usual “es Rickey” would be shouted and followed by the common response “I am not Rickey.”  Did they not understand the time was not right, his time had already passed and how could he be young again to be there again at that age?

A decade has passed, he was older, but the one was younger and it could not be him, the one.  Still the crowd grew and shouted “Sabemos que es usted!”  The one’s response firmly was “no, no se no es él, soy yo.”

But wait, why was the one’s response in Spanish and not English?  Could it be, that he the one was the other?  No, no podía ser!

Thoughts, Feelings; moving forward

In my post ‘The number 12‘, I concluded with the following –

Chemotherapy will begin this Thursday and continue for the next 12 weeks. . . I will keep positive thoughts and faith to create a positive outcome.

In today’s post, I conclude with the following –

Yesterday was the first day of my chemotherapy treatment.  Thoughts, Feelings; moving forward –

Ton of Sun & Fun

In my post ‘5 days, and more‘, I concluded with the following –

We are here in Pensacola, Florida our 5th day and the location is perfect as we are within walking distance to the beach.  The surroundings are relaxing and peaceful and the quietness is welcomed after living in the city of Dallas for many years.

The original planning for our travel adventure is on hold for now until after the surgery and recovery.  My feelings are, most likely my recovery will go into the fall and then with the holidays and winter; the travel adventure will start next Spring.

5 days, and more to come.

In today’s post I conclude with the following –

We are now in Pensacola, Florida for 3 weeks, here is proof –

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The Tough Road

In my post ‘Trouble Concentrating and Staying Focused‘, I wrote the following –

I understand taking medications would diminish the symptoms and then I would not have such a challenge to take on. But without the challenge I will not become stronger to overcome the symptoms.

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Image Provided by: drugrehabfl.net

In a post back in June titled ‘Interference‘, I wrote about my ADD and my wandering mind and the difficulty I have concentrating.

In today’s post I write the following –

The post ‘Interference’, receive quite a few comments.  One of them was a fellow blogger ‘weebluemixer’ and she wrote the following –

Sometimes the simple option is not the best option in the longer term and medications can be seen as quick fix. Things worth having don’t come easy. If you actually learn how to control your symptoms through things like cognitive work or mindfulness or whatever works for you then you are equipping yourself with tools that you can continue to revisit, use and amend. Overcoming these symptoms and challenges will also give you a confidence boast, and that confidence can then be used to tackle other problems and challenges. I really enjoying stopping in past and reading your posts xx

I responded with the following response –

You DO understand! And I am liking your response very much! Thank you, truly I appreciate you!

I appreciate everyone that comments on my blog.  I do receive comments where people understand where I am coming from when writing a post about me, my life, my reasons, and my thinking.

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Image Provided by: http://www.timorahilly.co.uk

As many of you know I have dealt with many difficulties early in my life; in my 20s I suffered from a major depression.  I did take medications back then as it was necessary in my recovery.  I also attended therapy that took place for over 13 years for me to overcome that major depression that was strong and wanted to defeat me, destroy me and kill me.

I have the ADD symptoms, the OCD symptoms and the Borderline Personality symptoms, and many other symptoms of other ‘conditions’ that I do not take medication for.  For me, I take the tough road.

I take the tough road at times when dealing with my issues, those things in my life that are difficult.  Today, I am taking on a new difficult issue, cancer and I know again the road will be tough.  I will struggle and overcome and be a better person as a result of this new challenge.  As this struggle started mounting with pain, I started taking medications, it was time; it is needed.

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Image Provided by: http://www.pinterest.com

Now that I know the battle will involve chemotherapy, it is tougher than I first imagined.  The beginning of this year the word ‘cancer’ became a popular word in my vocabulary.  The 2 previous surgeries were major indicators for what was to come.  8 months later after finding cancer is a part of me; a part of my body – the time has arrived.

Come on cancer, take your best shot – I have been on the tough road before, I will do it again.

Bicycle Boogie

Hello everyone, this post is a Video Log post related to Boogie Blogging.

What is Boogie Blogging – dancing, moving to music, making a fool of myself, creating laugher within you.

I like to dance and I like to move; movement is good for all of us.  Why not have fun while we are moving?

It you like the music with my videos, you are welcome to get up and move or dance with me!

Let loose, let’s have fun, let’s do some Boogie Blogging.

 

Boogie Blogging while riding a bicycle –

The number 12

From Angel Therapy website article What is the meaning of Number 12?

Each number has a meaning, especially when you see the number repetitively. The number 12 is a combination of the numbers 1, which means, “Stay positive,” and 2, which means, “Keep the faith.” Together, 12 is a strong message to stay positive, optimistic, and filled with faith . . . because your positive thoughts and faith will create a positive outcome.

In my post ‘Stage 4’, I wrote the following –

The next 12 weeks will involve some powerful drugs being injected into my body to fight cancer.

I will have tough days ahead of me.

I will have days I will be very tired.

And I will have days I will be very inspired.

In today’s post, I write the following –

Chemotherapy will begin this Thursday and continue for the next 12 weeks.  Today, I am having a ‘port’ inserted into my body.

Google Definition –

A port is a small disc made of plastic or metal about the size of a quarter that sits just under the skin. A soft thin tube called a catheter connects the port to a large vein. Your chemotherapy medicines are given through a special needle that fits right into the port. You also can have blood drawn through the port.

I will have 4 cycles of chemotherapy; meaning each Thursday for 2 weeks I will receive the chemotherapy and then have 1 week off – 4 cycles equal 12 weeks.

Upon the completion of chemotherapy, it will be determined what will take place next.  The surgery to remove my bladder may still take place, then again it may not.

Here is the truth about my current situation –

The nodules on my lungs have yet to be identified to be cancer, this has not been determined.  Once the chemotherapy is completed, if these nodules continue to be present, that indicates they are not cancer.  What does this mean in regards to my future treatment?  I would have the surgery to remove my bladder.  Because the cancer has not spread beyond my bladder and nearby nymph nodes, the surgery will take place to remove the origin of the cancer.  Remember this surgery will involve removing my bladder, prostate, nearby nymph nodes and seminal vesicles.  This will be major surgery that will take place approximately 6 weeks after my chemotherapy is completed.

The nodules on my lungs have yet to be identified to be cancer, this has not been determined.  Once the chemotherapy is completed, if these nodules are no longer present, this indicates they were cancer.  What does this mean in regards to my future treatment?  I would not have the surgery to remove my bladder, why do you ask?  Because the cancer has spread from the origin; my bladder and therefore removing it would serve no positive purpose.  The future treatment would be to monitor me for future cancer.

Chemotherapy will begin this Thursday and continue for the next 12 weeks. . . I will keep positive thoughts and faith to create a positive outcome.

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