significant

significant

From vocabulary.com –

Significance means having the quality of being “significant” — meaningful, important. It also refers to the meaning of something. A certain date might have significance because it’s your birthday or the anniversary of Princess Di’s wedding.

Today has significance for me.  Today is the day I noticed it.  Today is the day it started.  Today is the day the new journey and the new way of life would begin.

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Today a year ago; the journey with cancer began.

One year ago today, it was the day before my son #3 was to be married.  On October 29th of last year I wrote a post ‘A Week’s Occurrence‘.  In that post, I wrote the following –

Again, I have always told my partner if I ever become sick with a life threating disease, I do not want medical treatment, I accept the consequences and why would I want to extend my life when I will be dying someday anyway?  This is easy for me to say while healthy and based on my life; past and present, in my mind this makes sense.  But then there is that week’s occurrence with my body and I am thinking about this.  Do I really mean it?  Do I really accept the consequences?

In today’s post, I write the following –

A year later and I am in the process of receiving chemotherapy for cancer.

3 weeks ago, Gary, Roxy and I went on a walk.  Now that we are living in our RV in an RV park, many walks are taking place.  It was evening and the sun was starting to set and like many conversations taking place numerous times a day; we were discussing my health and my cancer.  I mentioned to Gary it was coming up to a year that I first noticed something was different.  I also mentioned to him about my past conversations about not having treatment for any serious illness and letting it take its course.  Gary reminded me of the pain and discomfort I experience now would only be worse if nothing was done to fight the cancer that is within me.  I agreed!

The past conversations had me thinking about why I would not seek treatment.

Those of you who have followed me for quite some time know; I attempted suicide several times as a young man in my twenties.  And throughout the years I have often thought about suicide and the ending of my life.  I often feel I do not want to be here; in this world and amongst the living – I would rather be gone; away, never to return.

I think those past conversations had me thinking, that not seeking treatment for a life threatening illness would be another method to commit suicide.  This makes sense in my mind; a mind that at times lacks in logic and is chaotic.

As a young man in my twenties and as an older man in my fifties, for me, my thinking tells me taking of my own life is not the answer.

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Today has significance for me.  Today is the day I noticed it.  Today is the day it started.  Today is the day the new journey and the new way of life did begin.

Today; a journey to become cancer free begins, and a journey to live a better life begins.

55 thoughts on “significant

  1. I’m currently finding it difficult to update my living will. While I feel I may not want certain treatments for future illness right now, I also feel I may change my mind at the time. I’m printing out your post to hold with the my documents to help my family understand why I might change my mind in the future. Wishing you all the good luck in the world for your journey. Virtual hugs.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Love and Light to you my friend and your family, to all those that suffer similar illness as you , and to all those of us that suffer.

    When one of us suffers we all suffer. And, when one of finds the Light and Love within us it helps us all. Thank You for that Light and Love my friend.
    PortiaSLB

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Terry, I am a stranger to you, but am kindred in spirit. I, too, fought with the big C, and the decisions it forced me to make. I thought of the pain and suffering that it brought into my life and the lives of those that I love. My final decision was to have treatment, even though I was given 40% chance of survival. Treatment afforded me decades of new life, new tragedies to work through, new friends, and a new mindset. I no longer take my days for granted, nor the gifts that come with them. You are loved by many, that is obvious. I wish you the best, and may you heal with a new zest for your precious life. God bless.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. I have often thought as you do, dear friend. My suicidal thoughts are a symptom of depression and not a true wish to die. We all naturally strive for survival and the fact that you are still with us is testament to this. Chemotherapy is often used as a palliative treatment and why would you want to be in pain? You are a vital, healthy man who has an opportunity to fight an illness with modern medicine. I am sending fairy dust but it won’t work as well as the drugs! 💋

    Liked by 3 people

  5. I think as life goes on, situations and circumstances change, and so do our thought patterns. All I can say is that I am so grateful you have decided on treatment. Yes, this is a new journey for you, and I am so looking forward to you being well again. Wishing you a beautiful day. Love and Hugs 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. When I lost my mom to cancer, I swore that I’d never go through what she did. (1970’s medical challenges) Then I had a brush with cancer myself 2 years ago. I amended my thought process, that will to survive kicked in pretty quickly. Life is always in flux, and so is our perception of how/why to prolong it. I was suicidal in my 20’s. I feel so blessed to have survived that period, and lived on to a life of joy, sorrow, happiness and strife…all of it. Blessings of love and light to you in this process. 💘

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Van for sharing your personal story, it helps to know others have similar experiences and feelings. I too am glad I survived that period in my twenties, I truly believe everything happens for a reason. Thanks for visiting today, hope your day is a happy one. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Wow Terry a significant post on a significant day by a significant person. Your life is significant and I’m grateful for having the opportunity to connect with you in this virtual forum. When reading this I was reminded of a quote by Muhammad Ali “The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.” ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  8. You are fighting, fighting for yourself though treatment. We are worth fighting for…I keep telling myself that. I will be praying for you and for complete healing physically and emotionally. You shared a lot of wisdom in this post. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Although my heart is heavy with the sorrow of your condition you have lifted my spirits with this statement. Every man, woman, child has the right to react in whatever way they do to grave situations but in your case all those terrible years dogged by depression and attempting to end your own life have proved to be the catalyst for wanting to fight to be cancer free and keep living. Sweet irony and a silver lining in the darkest cloud. Fight your fight my friend with your chemo-warriors and an armoury of those that love you at your side 💫💫

    Liked by 2 people

    • I think it also irony how my life has unfolded into today’s events and decisions. As I have always indicated, everything happens for a reason, good and bad. This life of mine is worth fighting cancer, I keep moving forward. Hope you are having a terrific time with your daughter Osyth. Happy day to you my friend. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Oh, Terry! I am soo glad you choose the treatment and want to live and fight! Of course, I wish this decision hadn´t been caused by your illness but I´m glad nevertheless that you´ve changed your mind at last! Keep on fighting and we all will keep on sending you our love and good wishes, Terry!!! Wish you a happy day, my friend! 🙂 xxxxx

    Liked by 1 person

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