From vocabulary.com –
Significance means having the quality of being “significant” — meaningful, important. It also refers to the meaning of something. A certain date might have significance because it’s your birthday or the anniversary of Princess Di’s wedding.
Today has significance for me. Today is the day I noticed it. Today is the day it started. Today is the day the new journey and the new way of life would begin.
Today a year ago; the journey with cancer began.
One year ago today, it was the day before my son #3 was to be married. On October 29th of last year I wrote a post ‘A Week’s Occurrence‘. In that post, I wrote the following –
Again, I have always told my partner if I ever become sick with a life threating disease, I do not want medical treatment, I accept the consequences and why would I want to extend my life when I will be dying someday anyway? This is easy for me to say while healthy and based on my life; past and present, in my mind this makes sense. But then there is that week’s occurrence with my body and I am thinking about this. Do I really mean it? Do I really accept the consequences?
In today’s post, I write the following –
A year later and I am in the process of receiving chemotherapy for cancer.
3 weeks ago, Gary, Roxy and I went on a walk. Now that we are living in our RV in an RV park, many walks are taking place. It was evening and the sun was starting to set and like many conversations taking place numerous times a day; we were discussing my health and my cancer. I mentioned to Gary it was coming up to a year that I first noticed something was different. I also mentioned to him about my past conversations about not having treatment for any serious illness and letting it take its course. Gary reminded me of the pain and discomfort I experience now would only be worse if nothing was done to fight the cancer that is within me. I agreed!
The past conversations had me thinking about why I would not seek treatment.
Those of you who have followed me for quite some time know; I attempted suicide several times as a young man in my twenties. And throughout the years I have often thought about suicide and the ending of my life. I often feel I do not want to be here; in this world and amongst the living – I would rather be gone; away, never to return.
I think those past conversations had me thinking, that not seeking treatment for a life threatening illness would be another method to commit suicide. This makes sense in my mind; a mind that at times lacks in logic and is chaotic.
As a young man in my twenties and as an older man in my fifties, for me, my thinking tells me taking of my own life is not the answer.
Today has significance for me. Today is the day I noticed it. Today is the day it started. Today is the day the new journey and the new way of life did begin.
Today; a journey to become cancer free begins, and a journey to live a better life begins.