My Greatest Fight

Back in July of this year, in my post ‘Mother Mary‘, I wrote the following –

I talked with my mom a couple of weeks ago about this upcoming surgery, the most recent one; and I had told her, I said this is not the end, I feel it, I just know there is more to come.

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And I told her also that I will get through it because this is not my greatest battle, my greatest battle has already occurred.  It was that depression, that great depression within me, about me that wanted to bring me down, wanted to end my life, kill me, destroy me – and I battled back, I found the strength and courage and I won that battle.  I overcame that which wanted to beat me down to nothing.

Today’s post, I write the following –

I have cancer!  Yes, I know many people in this world have cancer; but I have cancer.  I never ever thought I would say those words.  And though it could be worse, because it could be worse, I will get through this and be better as a result of it.  As mentioned in the opening of this post, this is not my greatest battle – that has already occurred.  Maybe that battle against my own mind prepared me for this fight against my own body.

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Recently I have thought about this time in my life, what is taking place now and how to handle it. I have admitted many times I am weak and allow aches, pains and sickness to dictate my mood.

I continue to try to take back my mood, which at times is kidnapped by my body.  My logical mind is allowing my physical body to capture and take control that which sets the mood for the day.  That good part of me, that wants to be in a good mood to deal with the fight at hand, that good part of me at times is weak.

I have written posts about ‘Chaos in the mind‘, ‘The Evil Person Inside‘, ‘Conversations in my head‘, and ‘suicide – it sounds peaceful, it sounds calm‘; yes, I am one messed up guy.

This messed up guy keeps fighting for reasons unknown; honestly I don’t know why I keep fighting, but I do.  Is this my greatest fight, or are there more to come?

Obviously I have no crystal ball therefore the future remains unknown. Today in my life, the now, the present – this is my greatest fight.  I once again enter the ring and choose to fight, because the battle is not over – it is just another fight.

At times of weakness I remind myself of the inner strength I have and the good mood returns.  As the fight and the battle continue, so does the mood continue to be good; for a good mood is strength to battle any fight.

This may not be my greatest battle; for now, this is my greatest fight.

60 thoughts on “My Greatest Fight

  1. Undeniably you are fighting a foe and undeniably you are digging on the huge vat of strength you have to give the greatest account of yourself. I am certain that the past battle you had with depression has given you a set of weapons to fight with that maybe you wouldn’t have had before. Your body is the beneficiary of the the mindset you are able to achieve (even though you have to work at it) and the words you spoke to your mum are the truth. You will win this fight

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  2. Life is tough, and you have come so far. You managed to conquer your past battles years ago. Those battles, and your survival have given you the strength to be the person you are today. You are a fighter my friend and this certainly is, as you mentioned, for now, your greatest fight. Fight this fight as I know you will. Hugs x

    Liked by 1 person

  3. you are one of the most bravest people I know…your one tough cookie for sure…I do not think your messed up at all, quite the opposite…I love this post, it shows your strength and how much your in control of how are handling this….I can only imagine how incredibly difficult this must be….but as you said, you have already fought your greatest battle. now your in a huge fight and you have this….keep a smile on your lips and heart, and when you feel the need to scream and cry, make it loud and long….its letting the bad out…..I wish I was there to give you a gentle hug….xxxxxkat

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  4. Terry, you won the first overwhelming battle and you will use the experience to win this war. There is so much hope and I want you to feel it. You know I’ve watched someone I love go through this and you will win, just like him. Enjoy each day and never even think about giving up hope. Clare

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  5. Strength to you – life and love are worth fighting for! We have many battles and this is just one in your life journey. I wish you all the best and hope you can win this fight. i have friends and family who have or are going through this same battle. Some win, some get a reprieve and some succumb. Peace and blessings 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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