Back in July of this year, in my post ‘Mother Mary‘, I wrote the following –
I talked with my mom a couple of weeks ago about this upcoming surgery, the most recent one; and I had told her, I said this is not the end, I feel it, I just know there is more to come.
And I told her also that I will get through it because this is not my greatest battle, my greatest battle has already occurred. It was that depression, that great depression within me, about me that wanted to bring me down, wanted to end my life, kill me, destroy me – and I battled back, I found the strength and courage and I won that battle. I overcame that which wanted to beat me down to nothing.
Today’s post, I write the following –
I have cancer! Yes, I know many people in this world have cancer; but I have cancer. I never ever thought I would say those words. And though it could be worse, because it could be worse, I will get through this and be better as a result of it. As mentioned in the opening of this post, this is not my greatest battle – that has already occurred. Maybe that battle against my own mind prepared me for this fight against my own body.
Recently I have thought about this time in my life, what is taking place now and how to handle it. I have admitted many times I am weak and allow aches, pains and sickness to dictate my mood.
I continue to try to take back my mood, which at times is kidnapped by my body. My logical mind is allowing my physical body to capture and take control that which sets the mood for the day. That good part of me, that wants to be in a good mood to deal with the fight at hand, that good part of me at times is weak.
This messed up guy keeps fighting for reasons unknown; honestly I don’t know why I keep fighting, but I do. Is this my greatest fight, or are there more to come?
Obviously I have no crystal ball therefore the future remains unknown. Today in my life, the now, the present – this is my greatest fight. I once again enter the ring and choose to fight, because the battle is not over – it is just another fight.
At times of weakness I remind myself of the inner strength I have and the good mood returns. As the fight and the battle continue, so does the mood continue to be good; for a good mood is strength to battle any fight.
This may not be my greatest battle; for now, this is my greatest fight.