the un-friending

Last year in my post ‘Masks‘, I wrote the following –

anymask.com –

A form of disguise. It is an object that is frequently worn over or in front of the face to hide the identity of a person and by its own features to establish another being. This essential characteristic of hiding and revealing personalities or moods is common to all masks. As cultural objects they have been used throughout the world in all periods since the Stone Age and have been as varied in appearance as in their use and symbolism.

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Today the most common mask is Facebook – yep – I said it – a new symbolism for the mask.

Facebook allows people to sit behind a computer – protected from others – allowing people to be something they are not – allowing people to be their true self.

Recent social changes in the United States – the revealing personalities behind the Facebook mask are now showing their true identity – some of the cultural objects.

Anger, Hatred, Belittling – it is easy to do when using the Facebook mask – easy to do because one is sitting behind a computer.

In today’s post, I write the following –

Over a year ago I wrote that post and over a year ago was the last time I logged into Facebook.  I disliked what I was reading and what was being posted by my ‘friends’.

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Image Provided by: Banner Design

I understand Facebook allows people free expression.  I also understand I have the right to not allow myself to be exposed to that free expression if I feel offended.  So I stopped using Facebook.

Several months now, I started thinking about logging back into Facebook and making changes to my account.  My Facebook account is my personal account and I want to be able to post about current activities in my life to my family and ‘true friends’.  I was thinking about un-friending the other ‘friends’, those that I do not want to see in my timeline.  Their anger, hatred and belittling they can have for others to read and see; I have a life to live and have no room for their feelings and thoughts.  But I think to myself, “Is it okay to un-friend people just because I do not agree with them?”  “How would I feel?”  I do not want to upset others, but yet they upset me.

Do I let them know I am un-friending them or do I un-friend them silently with no announcement?

But then again, I think about the original reason I stopped using Facebook last year and with the current events in the United States, I think I should stay away.  I fear and I assume there is a great deal of anger, hatred and belittling taking place these days on Facebook.

I keep putting off logging into Facebook, and I think to myself – there is a reason for that.

So until I am truly ready, if I am ever ready again – I decided I will stay away – I will continue my life without Facebook.

Besides WordPress is much friendlier.

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Image Provided by: WebCreate.Me

 

65 thoughts on “the un-friending

  1. Terry, If you got back on Facebook and decided to tell these “friends” why you were un-friending them, I’m afraid you would be opening up a can of worms and leaving yourself vulnerable to attack. If you did it and didn’t alert them, the same outcome might be possible although covertly. You don’t need that kind of crap in your life now.
    I’m not on Facebook and will not be. I no longer allow anybody to bully me but I’m not interested in getting into a public pissing match with morons either.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Laurel, I totally get you and agree – and I think just leaving my account as is – that is the way to go. Over a year ago, I deleted all my posts and just left it, thinking I will never return. It is in my best interest to leave as is – never to return again. Thanks for your input, you know I always appreciate it! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I left FB 3 years ago and only went back earlier this year to create a Page for my blog. I don’t look at private profiles, not even those of my friends and family. You could perhaps set up an account specifically for your family under a different name from your current one and customise your posts and photos. Just be your usual strong self and not to look elsewhere or get drawn back in.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I am so totally with you on this one. Facebook is not for me at all. I created a page solely for my blog, but even that doesn’t interest me. I do however check to see if my sister in law has posted any pics of my nieces and nephew, and that is that. People are going overboard with this whole Facebook thing. Life before Facebook was much better. Hope your day is a happy one. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Lynne for your input, I did create a page for my blog also, but I have no interest in it being there – eventually I will go delete it. I wanted to sign in to see what is going on with my sons, but then again, I do not want to see what is being posted from the ‘friends’. I think I will stay off of it. Happy day to you as well. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I started using FB very early due to my business. I haven’t used it for over 2 years now. I don’t miss it.
    I think it’s ok to un-friend someone if you don’t like how they make you feel. No matter if FB or real life. I rather have few people that empower me and make me happier and a better person, than a mass of irrelevant disturbances. I love arguments, I am not talking about avoiding big issues, but wasting time in a bad unhealthy way.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Because I have learned never to say never, here’s my take:

    I have never had a FB account, and I never intend to… my first issue is simply on principle. How could someone with the social skills of a rock create a social platform for society? I know that’s terrible logic (i.e. the source does not negate the truth…), but that is why I never have had one…

    The next block of my emotionally motivated platform is the concept that it creates a venue where someone you knew for 10 minutes (or just met on the plane) gets the same access to your life as someone that was there for you when your grandmother died and was at the hospital when your first child was born… it’s so… icky. It’s so… demeaning to all those that take time and effort to get to know you…

    And the final block, is exactly what you said… people forget their manners. They forget that people are watching. I’ve said this before in a previous post somewhere recently, maybe it was a comment, but I have always viewed the internet like a restaurant conversation. Of course people may be able to listen in on occasion, and sometimes might even feel the need to interject (even if it’s just a ‘sshh! we’re trying to eat!’). However, there are rules and etiquette on both sides of that equation… FB can cause many people to put on their ‘ugly mask’… maybe because that’s who they truly are, maybe because they lack manners or decorum in a restaurant to begin with…

    I don’t know. But I totally get what you are saying… DON’T GO BACK. Heck, don’t even look back… pillar of salt and all that! lol.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I certainly appreciate, understand and agree with you and yes, I most likely will never go back. Facebook scares me and I just do not want to see the negativity that takes place there. I know there is some good there, but it does not seem to outweigh the bad – my opinion. Thanks for stopping by to read and comment, I appreciate it very much.

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    • I know Bernadette, I hate to keep away from them, but it just does not seem safe or productive for me to be on Facebook – so I think I will just stay away. I have no idea what the answer is. Happy day my friend. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  6. There is a way to do this, Terry. ☺ You do not have to “unfriend” anyone. Just eliminate them from your feed. They remain as “friends” and you can choose to go look in on them if you want, but they will never know that they are not on your FB feed. I did this about 2 years ago, now I only see the friend and family posts that I want to see. If they want to address you directly, you will still get those messages….otherwise….nothing. ☺

    Liked by 1 person

    • That is good to know Van, I will check that out – I did not want to ‘hurt’ anyone’s feelings. But then again, there are many things I do not want to see posted by others. I guess I will think about it for awhile longer. Thanks, I appreciate your input – Happy Tuesday! 🙂

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  7. Terry, I agree with those commenters who have basically outlined why calling it “social” media doesn’t mean it is very social at all. Life is too short. Blogging is friendly. It’s the only outlet I see myself expressing myself. Over Twitter a long time ago. Never on Facebook. WP for me!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bruce, yes I have to agree, blogging is certainly much friendlier. I am also on Twitter, but really do nothing with it except have my posts feed to it. Thanks for your input, I always appreciate it – Happy Tuesday! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I love Facebook and have been on there since nearly the beginning – though I find myself using it less and less lately. I would not go anywhere near it right now, though. It’s all craziness. Maybe at Christmas – then you get to see all the fun things people are doing and eating.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. I’ve had this same discussion with people IRL who don’t understand about Facebook. My religion has cautioned against it, while encouraging folks to use it for family and genealogy reasons ONLY. I have family and friends on there that I connect with in no other way, and I’ve known those folks for many years now. I agree with the (IMHO anyway) unwelcome changes in Facebook, the trauma/drama and the freakin’ endless ‘suggestions’ and ads. But because of the people I choose to associate with on there, I can ignore the bullshit and gather the bits I want. I’ve learned a lot about their filters over there and have applied them. I’ve grouched about the increasing number of ads and the unwelcome ‘suggestions’ the site barfs up now and then. I understand the viewpoint you present, and yes I agree wholeheartedly that it is a time waster and little else, but I’ve nothing much to do anyway, so it’s not a loss for me. For you? Good on ya! Choice is ultimately what any of this should be about.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I guess for me anyway, I should just stay away – I take things too personally – I do not have thick skin. I will think about it awhile longer and most likely that will be good for me. Happy Tuesday to you! 🙂

      Like

  10. I couldn’t agree with you more! I stay away from it as much as I can but feel compelled to go on occasionally to connect with work related people who expect to have facebook interactions but I hate it every time.
    Good for you for at least taking the position of staying away from the anger and hatred. There’s too much of it in the world.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I do use FaceBook – I speak to my daughters my wider family and my real friends on it (and one or two of those real friends have come from blogging). But. I had a purge about 2 years ago (when my friend list stretched to nearly 2,000 names as a result of having run business networking groups in England for a while) …. I got rid of the dross, the bigots, the people that just aren’t on my wavelength and the 3-400 who remain and I get along fine. My husband thinks FaceBook is the work of the Devil and doesn’t use it at all so I communicate for him with his family who all use it. But if you have had bad experiences in the past I would advise going through and purging your account, perhaps changing your name of tightening the security to ‘close friends’ only and then you have to allocate who the close friends are. Or if it all seems too tiring and you have other ways of communicating then leave well alone. None of us deserve to be heckled or insulted and none of us has the right to do it to others. It is a downward curve for society and I curse the day I started, really.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Osyth, I can appreciate you and others that have mastered Facebook and use it as I think it was meant for. Honestly, I think I would eventually find it tiring and most likely I should just stay away for my own well being. I am glad I have the friends here on WordPress who I can communicate with on a daily basis – much nicer people – such as yourself. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • I prefer WordPress …. people give more thought to what they are going to say and actually focus on building relationships. The problem with FaceBook is it’s instant gratification and that will always be a problem. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

          • The foot is definitely improving for having this magical brace …. I look forward to a few months down the line when I don’t need it but I swear to you I am rocking it in style terms (and I can walk and run normally in it which is tremendous). Instant gratification never works – it’s like MSG – leaves you with an empty plate AND still hungry! I’m venturing out to fetch my husband so he can vote now. What a day to be in the USA! Biggest hugs to you my dear friend (not on FaceBook 😉 )

            Liked by 1 person

          • Well I think I do and so long as no-one bursts my bubble and everyone lets me believe I’m perfectly happy! I supported my husband as he cast his vote with dignity and style (much like our new first lady 😉 )

            Liked by 1 person

  12. It’s fascinating reading everyone’s comments here. This is part of what I love about WordPress and blogging! I do use Facebook, though like others visit much less often than in the past. I only ever accept friend requests from people I feel I know well enough to go have a coffee with “in real life” and a lot of my FB “friends” are overseas so this is how I keep in touch with them. I admit I have “muted” a number of people who post content I find objectionable (or tedious), rather than unfriend them. I’m sure Terry that you will find an answer that works for you, but I’m going to say anyway that your well-being is paramount in all this, so take care of your needs rather than worrying about others.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Su for your input, this is one reason for this post – as I knew there were others that are on FB. I agree with you, my well-being is what is important and I think it is best for me to stay away from FB until maybe a later date – if I go back at all. And WordPress is much better – I have wonderful friends here – such as yourself! Hope your week is wonderful! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Facebook is a great way to stay in touch with the people you really care about and who care about you. When it gets cluttered with ickiness to the point that you don’t even use it, then it’s time for a change. Unfriend everyone that you don’t want within your friendly lovely circle. They probably won’t even notice if you haven’t posted in a while anyway. No explanation necessary.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I’ve been limiting my time on Facebook lately; it seems like there’s been division and disagreement even between people who generally have similar opinions. In general, I tend to unfollow instead of unfriend – I don’t see them in my feed and I don’t see their posts unless I specifically seek out their profiles. These days, I mostly use Facebook for the groups and for my art business page, and to keep up with people as needed.

    So, I could see why you would stay away and encourage that.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. I told you Facebook was the work of the Devil!!! 😈 I kept my Facebook account (in case my book every took off and I needed it) but never look at it despite knowing there are unanswered messages. My real friends know that I can’t stand it and won’t use it. Indifference is a much more effective tool than wasting your precious energy on unfriending them. They will either get the message or contact you personally. 👸

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, I understand FB and its cautions, I think it would be too much trouble for me to handle – I think just staying away is the option for me. Thanks for your input, I always appreciate it. Have a happy day. 🙂

      Like

  16. Don’t do it!!!!!! 🙂
    I unfriended everyone and then deactivated my account. When I reactivated my account I just had the things that I put there, pictures mostly, and no friends. Then I carefully selected those I trusted respected me and were respectful of others.
    Right now, at this time, you can live vicariously through me and I will update you on the Facebook world which is FULL I tell you, FULL of anger, judgement, and hate. It is not a place of healing that is for sure.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Good ole Facebook…U used to use to spy on my kids years ago…LOL but I ignore most of what I read on it…like some of the quotes and really enjoy seethe pictures of the youngens in the family as they grow….other than that I would have no use for it….I love the community on WP…such a different platform….and such a positive and caring group of folks…..stay away if its a head ache for you….nor worth it…..xxkat

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Too true, Terry! WordPress really is much friendlier 🙂 I started using Facebook around March this year, and too be honest, I don´t use it that much. My “real life” friends and family don´t really care much about my art projects, and I rather like writing about that than about just the stuff I´m eating or something like that as seems to do everybody else. I think it´s a good decision of you not to go back, or at least to wait and see. I lived without Facebook quite well, and I wouldn´t really miss it. WIsh you a wonderful and happy day, dear Terry! 🙂 xxxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sarah, I have decided I will not go back – I think it would not be healthy for me. I have not missed it – therefore no reason for me to return. Thanks for your input, I always appreciate it – Happy Day my friend! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • It sure is the right thing to do, my friend, especially when you feel that way. You´ve got so much insight in what works for you and what not, like with the dream interpreting thing too, maybe you should consider giving seminars about it when you´ve recovered completely… 🙂 Happy Day to you, too, dear friend! xxxxx

        Liked by 1 person

          • I truly believe you would be awesome at motiviating people, Terry! All your videos already show how much personality you´ve got, especially in front of a camera, which is not easy for everybody!
            But I know the feeling that other people seem to have more confidence in your abilities than oneself does 😉
            And the honor is all my mine!! 🙂 Have a happy day! xxxxx

            Liked by 1 person

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