I decided since it is the last month of the year, I would wrap up some topics that I started to write about and never did finish. This post I started earlier this year, and then it sat quietly waiting for me to complete it.
Because my OCD tells me that if I start something I must complete it; this also applies to posts I write – I will be bothered if I do not complete them – so, here I am finishing this post and concluding this topic.
I believe next year will bring many different topics to write about and I have a feeling this one will not be one of them and will be left in the past.
So here we go –
This past year was significant for me – I was diagnosed with Stage 4 Bladder Cancer.
Here are some excerpts from previous posts I wrote since the beginning of this blog back in May, 2015 referring to smoking –
Post: My Life My Way
I am currently 55, so I am expected to die in 21 years. And then take into account I need to minus an additional 10 years because I am a smoker, this takes me down to 11 years before I die. Interesting to think about; I have 11 years before I die. I am unsure why I am writing about this particular subject except to say, I really am not afraid to die and really have no doubts for those bad behaviors that could cause my death – I am living my life my way.
On social media, I recently read about a person’s encounter with people who smoke. This person observed a smoker who had no teeth, was coughing and had a ‘smoker’s voice’. This person wrote that is was clear to them that this was cancer waiting to happen.
So today is day #5 without smoking and day #4 knowing I have bladder cancer.
As they have made decisions and lived with the outcomes, the results and consequences, so have I. I made decisions in my life to smoke and then to stop and start again and stop only to start again. The smoking picked me with regards to giving me bladder cancer. Yes, I did think about the consequences of my actions, but made the decision anyway.
Post: A Breakup Letter
I love you –
But your toxic love created harm in me.
I will miss you, but will move on, because you know –
I love me –
Today, I end with the following thoughts –
January 27, 2016, the day I quit smoking. That is the day the new habit began.
What once brought me comfort and pleasure is no longer in my life. Smoking most likely is a factor in my bladder cancer and it may be the death of me. I deal with and accept the consequences of my actions.