Controlled Drinking

Okay stay with me – there is some time warping taking place here – I write some thoughts today – then there are thoughts from the past – thoughts from other posts – then back to today.

I sometimes will write a post and for certain reasons will not publish it.  I then will go back to an unpublished post and feel it needs to be published because it is important and relevant today.

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Here is one of those posts; I wrote the following words over a year ago –

This will be the last post I write about drinking!  From my post ‘Thoughts From Years Past.18’, I ended with the following –

I was feeling out of control and handled it by drinking everyday as much as I could.  The alcohol changed my behavior from bad to evil.  It was not creating a state of mind that took me away from the craziness I felt: instead it created an evil person that hated life and everything about it.

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In my post ‘Drink, Drink, Drink’, I ended with the following –

Ok, there you have it; I am in the heavy drinking category and have AUD.  On the NIH site I read some questions to ask to assess oneself with AUD.  Of the 11 questions they asked, I answered ‘Yes’ to 1 question.

I ask again “So, am I an alcoholic?”  I guess I may be per the definition of the word – but I answered ‘Yes’ to 1 question indicating I have AUD – I understand the effects of heavy drinking – but I continue to do it anyway.

There is a good article on the goodtherapy.org website titled ‘Stopping at the Buzz: How to Control Your Drinking’ and includes the following –

In my practice as an addiction psychologist, it’s probably the most common question I encounter; when it comes right down to it, it’s what most people who are struggling with alcohol really want to know:

“How can I control my drinking or drug use?”

For some drinkers, controlled drinking or moderate drinking is an option, and for a small portion of the population, about 5%, controlled drinking is nearly impossible. While many people believe “once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic,” many people diagnosed with alcoholism can learn to control their drinking and become social drinkers again. That said, if you have been diagnosed with alcohol dependence, most addiction psychologists, psychiatrists, physicians, social workers, and addiction counselors would strongly recommend abstinence. This is always a very personal decision that should be made with careful consideration of the risks and benefits of drinking versus abstinence.

Okay there you have it – I am controlling my drinking.  I am aware of the risks of long term drinking use, but unlike in my 20s, I have it under control and do not drink for the wrong reasons.  The depression years are over, the stress in my life is reduced, and yes, I still have a few issues in my mind to deal with, but my mind is no longer out of control.

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I have taken the option to control my drinking and to not use it to take me away from reality.

Today, I write and conclude with these words –

The above words I wrote a year ago, and little did I know; I was totally correct about me and my drinking behavior.  I do have it under control as since my cancer diagnosis I have all but quit drinking.  For a time, a few months ago, I stopped drinking because of chemo.  Since my chemo is over, I do drink again, but limit myself.

Do I need to justify my drinking habits to anyone?  I don’t think so, but I just did.

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(Note: recently no alcohol intake is taking place due to antibiotics and pain medication intake.  With a major surgery scheduled in 3 weeks, the continued practice of not drinking will continue.)

38 thoughts on “Controlled Drinking

  1. I had to look up what AUD meant. I can’t speak intelligently to any kind of first-hand drinking but I can for having been exposed to it.
    I think I’m missing some kind of gene that has always made alcohol or drug use absolutely alien to me. I wish I could have passed that gene down to a few of my children. LOL
    Those drinks do look scrumptious though. I have always lusted after something called a “Singapore Sling.” I saw one walking by once and it looked like something you would see in Hawaii. Never have had one and when I asked about them, the bartenders said “a what?”
    So glad you can still enjoy one when you want and no, you don’t have to justify anything to anybody. Just keep being the wonderful you! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Laurel, this topic I find interesting because it seems ‘drinking’ has always been a part of me for a long time – since I was a teenager. At times in my life, it has controlled me and other times I have controlled it. On the recent cruise I tried some new drinks one called a ‘Mud Slide’, oh, it was very good. Anyway, I appreciate you stopping by today and glad to see you here, and I was just over visiting you and will be back again as soon as my tears stop flowing. You are a sweetheart – a comment is coming soon dear. 🙂

      Like

  2. I read this as sipping on a glass of JC Le Roux (LOL) but get this, my hubby accidently picked up a bottle of ‘non alcoholic JC’….so no alcohol for me right now.
    Well, it must be a great feeling to feel and know things are in control. You have come a long way my friend. Have a good day further and I truly hope your pain has subsided. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Well, this was more than apt. I am sitting here crying, playing George Michael and also learning Carrie Fisher had a massive heart attack, as my entire family are working their way through the Star Wars films, having been to see the new one on Christmas Eve and I bought my son the Star Wars Christmas cd!! And also Rick Parfitt of Status Quo died on Christmas Eve. My long-time best friend has had serious surgery for cancer and I am worried sick about my mum who is exhibiting sgns of dementia and OCD and who has just returned home after being here several days. I have been sitting on my own drinking the vegan alternative to Baileys (which is very nice) and eating (raw) chocolate. I didn’t cry on Christmas Day, but I have sure made up for it today. I hate this year. I am scared for the next few days. I just want it over. I am an optimist. I always see the bright side. But today, I have had enough.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Hang in there dear Chris – the next days will come and go – and we will continue to move forward with strength.

      Chris, please see Osyth first comment below, it was meant for you. You have wonderful friends here.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Apart from joining you crying over George and Rick and being horrified to read about Carrie Fisher I wanted to say I am so sorry about your friend and your mum. It is true that this has been a dreadful year …. let’s not drown our sorrows but join hands and try to ride the waves together and comfort one another as we need to.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Thank you both. I am exhausted and I was on my own all day while my husband drove my mum home and the strain of the past week had to come out. I’m also in a lot of physical pain and haven’t slept for a week. My husband woke me up with the words ‘George Michael’s dead’ which was exactly how he told me my brother died many years ago (when he walked in early from work) and along with everything else I have been replaying that awful day over and over. I had 2 small glasses of Baileys, but I only drink a glass of wine on my birthday and at Christmas so it fed into my mood very quickly. Every time I went online today I read of someone else we’d lost and I was scared about my husband driving home in the dark after mum had called him back 4 times to ask him to check something and delayed his return by 3 hours. He too is exhausted and she doesn’t feed him properly. She has a routine of what he’s allowed to have depending on whether he’s gone to pick her up or has just taken her back! It just felt like that kind of day when I would get that kind of phonecall. Anyway, he is home safe now and we have had a meal (I uad only eaten chocolate all day) and laughed at Will Smith and Helen Mirren on The Graham Norton Show and tomorrow my daughter’s tribe will be here and all will be well again – providing we don’t get another call from my mum!

      Liked by 2 people

  5. May last comment was meant for the Juicenut. THis is for you – it is hard to control one’s drinking (or whatever else people reach for) when times are tough. I can’t have drink in the house when I am on my own and sad because I have learned that I just try to drown the sorrow out and it only makes it worse. I am not an alcoholic but I can be easily dependent and I faced a long while ago that I have to work at it most days …. this I am happy to do because it seemed kind of silly to be ruled by a bottle when I am supposed to be the intelligent one!!!

    Liked by 3 people

    • Osyth, I appreciate your honesty and openness and I know there are many that deal with these types of struggles. It helps to write about it and have others read and understand. We are intelligent, but every once in awhile, we are not. Hope your Christmas was joyful, and now on to the countdown to a new year. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  6. As a non drinking (Alcohol) family I find that their are many who struggle with it. I tried Alcohol in High School at a Daytona 500-race and got so sick (I was 17 y.o.) my father had to come and get me from the track, talk about being humiliated and the disappointment in my father’s eyes-oh my. I then decided to try again in College (Freshman year) no go-got ill again and just thought my body rejects this-so why bother. I suppose I’m a lucky one, it is not part of my life nor my hubs nor immediate family members. Only you know what works for you in that area Terry. Sunshine Hugs.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. I have enjoyed reading this, for some bizarre reasons… Maybe because I saw a bit of myself somehow, in a reassuring way… It also reminded me of what an American stand up once said: ” In the States, I am known as alcoholic, in Canada as a drinker, in England, well, I am just normal… But in Ireland, they call me a wuss” 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

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