My Best Version

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I am wrapping-up some topics that I started to write about and never did finish.  This post I started early last year, and then it sat quietly waiting for me to complete it.

Because my OCD tells me that if I start something I must complete it; this also applies to posts I write – I will be bothered if I do not complete them – so, here I am finishing this post and concluding this topic.

This year will bring many different topics to write about and I have a feeling this one will not be one of them and will be left in the past.

So here we go –

In my post ‘BPD; is this me?‘, I wrote the following –

After I wrote this comment, I decided to do some online research on Borderline Personality Disorder, and after reading several websites, “Yes, this is me.”

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Image Provided by: http://www.timorahilly.co.uk

I do not recall ever receiving this diagnosis during my therapy years and I found that Borderline Personality Disorder was not an official diagnosable disorder until 1980.  The late 80s and the 90s are the years I received therapy that was really geared more for my depression, what was causing it and how to get through it.  There were never underlining disorders that were treated, but me knowing me and hindsight being 20/20 indicates I most likely had an underlining issue.

So, I decided to diagnosis myself and believe this is just one of many reasons for the person I am today.

In today’s post I write the following –

I have performed some additional research on Borderline Personality Disorder.  And the results are maybe I do not have BPD; maybe I am looking to label myself so that I can help myself – you know, find a cure for myself.  But then again, why do I need a label?  Why not view myself as an individual and work on myself as an individual.  All these years, this is what I have been doing.

Several months ago, I was watching a movie and heard the phrase ‘I spent a lifetime looking for a lifetime.’  That is what I have been doing all these years and I need no label – I am who I am.

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As my wonderful friend and fellow blogger Osyth put it in her magnificent post ‘One shaft of light that shows the way’ –

Death comes to us all and when it does there is no moment to regret the moments that you forgot to be thankful.  So I implore you to put politics aside, squish ill-will, banish anxiety about things you can’t fix and just be the best version of you that you can be.

I am trying to be the best version I can be.  With all my faults, short-comings and defects; I no longer need to label myself with Borderline Personality Disorder or anything else.

Life is short – I will die someday – I will die being the best version I can be.

38 thoughts on “My Best Version”

  7. Those words are the greatest words to live by, I believe that. And, you are the best version you can be, and I know you will continue to be the best version you can be, no matter what. How are you today my friend? Hope your pain has eased and that you are able to rest a bit better. 🙂 x

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  8. Oh my dear, dear friend …. I loved this post and not because you have humbled me by quoting my words and linking to that post but because it cheers me and delights me that you are who you are and you embrace it and you strive to be the best you that you can be. I am privileged to call you my friend so don’t change a thing …. you are the best you I can imagine 😊

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  12. You are so right not to try to label yourself. Even psychiatrists get it wrong – I have had some incorrect diagnoses. The only thing I am pretty sure of is that you have OCD – I am just the same! Mental health is a wavy line, it can change with circumstances, age and health. Teddy and Gary have to put up with us having endless lists that we don’t follow and then get upset about. Yet, there was something about us that attracted two very handsome husbands. 💋

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