It’ll rain a sunny day

Much of the United States is experiencing bad weather and here in Pensacola, we have our taste of winter as the last few nights have dipped into the 20s and the days were no higher than the 40s.  A couple of weeks ago, we received record rain fall and just this past Friday the local meteorologist predicted a high percentage of rain for that day.

Much of the weather recently has been a reflection of my moods, my thoughts and emotions.  Last Friday’s rain started falling quickly and with a vengeance immediately upon the return to our RV after an emotional doctor visit earlier that morning.

Yesterday in my post ‘expectations‘, I wrote about my visit with my Urologist Dr. P. to discuss my current pain I was experiencing and the details of my upcoming surgery.

This coming Thursday, I have my pre-surgical appointment at the hospital where my surgery will take place.  I suspect the usual blood work and tests will be performed and the signing of papers will occur.

One week from today my surgery will take place.

It was over a year ago; back in September 2015 when I noticed it, something was different.

Little did I know back that many months ago, I would be having a major surgery.  Little did I know my life would forever change.

I have always been honest here and have no reason to not be.  These past weeks while experiencing a great deal of pain has taken its toll on me not only physically but emotionally as well.  I have wept many times these past weeks not only because of the pain, but also because of my current quality of life.  I also have wept because I am frightened.  I am frightened about major surgery, recovery and the rest of my life.

I have survived many events and experiences in my life.  I have lived through 2 suicide attempts and a major depression.

I have had my share of struggles and overcame them and survived.  But this time I am frightened, truly I am.

To my family and those friends around me here in the RV park; I am strong, all will be good, I will be fine.

To you my friends here on WP, I am fragile, I am frightened and I weep.

I feel I do not have to be strong here, I am my true self, my faults, my weaknesses and my emotions and feelings are here.

This coming week will I continue to weep?

Most likely I will in the walls of my RV and in the walls of my mind.

I end this post with the following lyrics of a song that is from the 70s, you know I like my 70s music –

Someone told me long ago

There’s a calm before the storm

I know it’s been comin’ for some time

When it’s over so they say

It’ll rain a sunny day

I know shinin’ down like water

46 thoughts on “It’ll rain a sunny day

  1. I think it’s okay to feel both, strong and afraid because it’s all part of the journey, right? On such treacherous ground or smooth pathways. I appreciate the way you share it all and continue to send good vibes to you, friend. As I did when my father was sick, my prayer was, “give him my strength,” and that’s what I pray for you today.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. When I skyped home it was chilly, we are in wonderful weather in St. Thomas Terry. Weather can affect moods I am sure. I do wish my friend the surgery had not been pushed to a later date and would have taken place on Jan. 5th. More time to think and of course worry, all understandable. Just take it one day at a time-it really is all you can do. Caribbean Hugs to you today!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Another song comes to mind It’s your party and cry if you want to, you also have to be strong to cry, I think it is normal for you to feel this way and what feels good for you is good for us , You are always in our mind….. Big hug ❤

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  4. It is so understandable that you are emotional and frightened and feeling all those feelings you are feeling. As much as you know what will be happening, the operation, the recovery and everything, there is still that ‘fear of the unknown’ as you haven’t experienced or gone through the operation yet, you haven’t dealt with the recovery period yet, the adjustment of your life, and all that is scary. I wish I could take all your fears away my friend, I wish I could just be there. Big hugs my friend. x

    Liked by 1 person

  5. You just be you. That is what we love about you. And nobody could expect to not be having the feelings you are right now with what you are going through. Wish I could loan you my shoulder to cry on and I would cry with you. Xo

    Liked by 1 person

  6. “God plants no sorrow on limbs too weak to bear” but that doesn’t mean you don’t bend and sometimes feel as though you are going to break.
    It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to admit that you are afraid.
    If you can, try to take some comfort in knowing that there are so many of us who are holding a vigil for you and Gary. We will cry for you and with you.. We will be afraid for you and with you and we will be bearing some of that sorrow for you and with you.

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  7. Terry, all of this is so understandable. You would have to not be human in order to not be scared and emotional. Pain can and does take its toll on you physically and emotionally. Always remember, fortunately not everything we think and feel is our destiny, especially when it comes to emotional and physical pain. When we are in pain and suffering, our thoughts and feelings, more often than not, cause us to lose hope, to be discouraged, to think that things will always be this way, and find it hard to believe things will ever be good again. One thing I would ask of you Terry, just like you mentioned in this post, use your past experiences to remind you that things can and do get better. The sun will shine again for you! Neither the past nor the present are good indicators of the possibilities of our future. I too am trying to hold on to all of these thoughts. I wish hope, and peace, and comfort for you Terry. If there is one thing I have learned in life, it is that pain and suffering can be very lonely walks. I admire your honesty and for giving us a chance to reach out to you. And to hopefully bring you a sense of comfort that will sustain you through these next few weeks and months! You are cared about tremendously. Prayers and well wishes are surrounding you! I send my love and lots of hugs to you!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Blue, your understanding is very welcomed and I do become lost in my pain and do lose hope at times. Thank you for reminding me that things will get better, my life will be better again soon. I forget sometimes and even though I remember those past events, I sometimes think that I do not have that same strength now. But I do! Thank you dear for the pep talk – I truly appreciate you and hope the best for you as well. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Sometimes strength is in the admission of weakness. Real strength is acknowledging that you are afraid, angry, blue and helpless and yet knowing that you will, you will go through this thing, this mountainous, spiteful, horrible thing. That you won’t avoid it and that you will allow others to be your support, you will give into their expertise and go through the surgery, you will give into the care of nurses who will look after you in the most beneficial way and you will give into the love of those closest to you as they sit stoically by you. For me, I am here to support you, to send you warmth and love and hugs and to feel pretty helpless but honoured that you allow me into your world. You are one of the most special people I have ever encountered, Terry (and you know I’ve met a few special people in my tattered lifetime) and I am so proud to know you and so privileged that you let me do my humble part to help you …. feel the warmth radiating from my heart to yours and soak it up as best you can. Even if it does no good today, it is banked for the start of your recovery. ☀️ 🌈 ⭐️ 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    • As usual Osyth, you have the words that bring a smile to my face even though I continue to shed tears – it is early morning here, Gary is asleep and I am sitting here in pain and reading comments and yet I still shed tears because of what is in my near future. I am unable to find the words that express my appreciation for you and your friendship. Stay warm my friend and I hope your trip is happy and filled with joy. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Your bravery is an inspiration, Terry. You have many WP friends who are wishing you well and we all see the strength you show. We also know that it would be impossible for you not to struggle with what lies directly ahead. Take rest when you can and take pleasure in whatever you feel you can. Thinking of you x

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I think it’s important to have an outlet for those feelings Terry. WP is here for you. You certainly have my respect and admiration. As I’ve mentioned before you’re handling this way better than most, certainly better than I would. I’ve also believe I’ve mentioned the mind sometimes builds all these bridges for us we never, ever have to cross. You have a definite plan of action and people you trust helping you execute it. That’s a great bridge to be on!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bruce, I appreciate your understanding and thank you for the compliment – I do my best to have a positive attitude in handling my situation. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment – I appreciate you. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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