Much of the United States is experiencing bad weather and here in Pensacola, we have our taste of winter as the last few nights have dipped into the 20s and the days were no higher than the 40s. A couple of weeks ago, we received record rain fall and just this past Friday the local meteorologist predicted a high percentage of rain for that day.
Much of the weather recently has been a reflection of my moods, my thoughts and emotions. Last Friday’s rain started falling quickly and with a vengeance immediately upon the return to our RV after an emotional doctor visit earlier that morning.
Yesterday in my post ‘expectations‘, I wrote about my visit with my Urologist Dr. P. to discuss my current pain I was experiencing and the details of my upcoming surgery.
This coming Thursday, I have my pre-surgical appointment at the hospital where my surgery will take place. I suspect the usual blood work and tests will be performed and the signing of papers will occur.
One week from today my surgery will take place.
It was over a year ago; back in September 2015 when I noticed it, something was different.
Little did I know back that many months ago, I would be having a major surgery. Little did I know my life would forever change.
I have always been honest here and have no reason to not be. These past weeks while experiencing a great deal of pain has taken its toll on me not only physically but emotionally as well. I have wept many times these past weeks not only because of the pain, but also because of my current quality of life. I also have wept because I am frightened. I am frightened about major surgery, recovery and the rest of my life.
I have survived many events and experiences in my life. I have lived through 2 suicide attempts and a major depression.
I have had my share of struggles and overcame them and survived. But this time I am frightened, truly I am.
To my family and those friends around me here in the RV park; I am strong, all will be good, I will be fine.
To you my friends here on WP, I am fragile, I am frightened and I weep.
I feel I do not have to be strong here, I am my true self, my faults, my weaknesses and my emotions and feelings are here.
This coming week will I continue to weep?
Most likely I will in the walls of my RV and in the walls of my mind.
I end this post with the following lyrics of a song that is from the 70s, you know I like my 70s music –
Someone told me long ago
There’s a calm before the storm
I know it’s been comin’ for some time
When it’s over so they say
It’ll rain a sunny day
I know shinin’ down like water