I struggle with the new me

Little over 4 weeks now since surgery, since the new me was created or updated from the old me.

Many of you know, I now have an urostomy bag on the outside of my body because I now no longer have a bladder.

These past weeks have me struggling at times, less with the physical part, though that can be challenging at times, but more with the mental part.   The changes to my body at times brings me to tears; what has taken place to me and how am I supposed to accept this?

As my body continues to recover and become stronger, I know too will my mind, my thinking and my attitude.

A couple of weeks ago in my post ‘my struggle with cancer‘, I updated you with the most recent information concerning my health and my cancer.  That post received many comments from you with your always welcomed support and encouragement.  Those comments, your comments have great meaning to me and bring me strength in more ways than you can imagine.

My friend Kat over at Time No Matter left me one of those strengthening comments –

IN my belief of healing and beating all odds…is first the positive attitude, and man do you have that one nailed down….your outlook on life up close and personal is so important to your healing….in my opinion of course, and its always right !!! lol second is your support group…you couldn’t be more supported if you were a pair of veins in good Ted hose…LOL you have a loving, caring, devoted husband, your personal family, Roxy, and then all of us…there isn’t a day that goes by your not in my thoughts !!!! We may have never met, but my friend I hold you near and dear !!! And then there’s your medical team…and I think you have a wonderful group of professionals that know their stuff….I know you feel the same as you have literally put your life in their hands and they are caring, loving, knowledgeable group of people…finally there is the sprit, social ideologies, we all believe in our own ways, no ones God, Goddess, Buddha, moon worshiper – whomever/whatever is better than someone else’s, but to me its important to be spiritual…and I know you are……you have cancer on the run….you are over a huge hurdle in your fight…..you’ve got this my friend….one day at a time…one moment at a time….danced in the sliver of a moon for you last night….sending you much warmth, love and moon beams……xxxxkat

I responded with the following  –

You bring tears to my eyes, because I know what you write is the truth. I have this past week have had my challenges mentally as I struggle to accept the new me and still the unknown that lies ahead. I find strength in your words and your friendship. kat, you are special – I appreciate you very much, thanks dear.

So, as you see from her comment and many others I receive, I have great support from you that brings great strength to me.  The physical strength is returning and with your help I know my mental strength will continue to increase as well.

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71 thoughts on “I struggle with the new me

  1. I, too, think about you every day, especially at the end of the day to send you good thoughts and strength. You are so much stronger than I would be, I am a terrible patient, I get so frustrated, (I was once in a full body cast, you did not want to know me then!) and I know it must be so hard for you to accept your new circumstances, but it is only a month and you have already made so much physical and mental progress. Hang in there, you’ll get there with Gary’s help and all our positive vibes urging you on 😊👏🏻👊🏻

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  2. You seem to be an amazing person. I want to personally take this time to let you know that a I admire both your courage to let the world in on what has to be a tough time for you and your strength. I hope that every thing works out for you and may you continue to have the strength to get you through this.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Being sensitive to your current struggles Terry-on a brighter note, I hope that when the time comes to venture on the Highway across country, you will indeed visit Kat-I think you all would have a wonderful, fun time together! Have you ever been to AZ.? Oh, I may just be getting ahead of myself here since it is only one month into your recovery, looking forward is better than looking back I think. Have a great Wednesday!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Kat nails it with that comment. You are tremendous and the support and love you have is helping you to be tremendous. Day by day, little by little, step by step you are emerging into the light. It is hard, terribly hard but you are doing it and Team Terry is right here calling you on. I join Kat in sending moonbeams – in fact last night I looked out of the kitchen window just as the clouds cleared to reveal the shiniest of moons looking down – your moon.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Team Terry, what a great name. Osyth, you and others here are my support that help me more than you can ever know. How fortunate am I to have such wonderful friends – Team Terry. Happy day dear, I hope all is going well with you. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I can only imagine how hard this mental struggle is for you, and how heavily it weighs down on you. Not easy my friend, and I am so sorry that you are having to deal with all this. Kat certainly hit the nail on the head with each word she wrote. You really are so fortunate to have all these wonderful, loving people around you, and I know that helps. Keep on doing what you are doing. Each day is a new day, with new strengths, and soon, I know it will become easier. Hang in there my friend, We are all here with you and for you cheering you on. Love and hugs 🙂 x

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Thank you for sharing. I can’t imagine how much it would get to you certain days. I believe that sharing is a first step to accepting and move forward. I’m sure it is also helping a lot of other people see the light and stay strong!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Kat’s comment is brilliant and it’s wonderful that you chose to highlight it. It’s going to take a while (and a lot of virtual spoons) for your old mind to come to terms with the new (and improved) you. Sending hugs and more spoons.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I am so glad the comments of your cyber-friends (and other-wise) have helped you out so much with your struggles Terry. Your struggles are real, but it appears you can cope with them with such a supportive group behind you. Bless you and Happy Hump Day! (Almost over!) ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Terry, I am sure the “bag” is a constant reminder of what was taken from you. You have come a long way. Your feelings are understandable. My hope for you is that it will eventually become a reminder to you that you made it through so much. And that you are amazing!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Dear Terry, As I said before, take your time to adjust to your new reality and take your time to morn your losses. If you do this you will move past the sadness of your loss into gratitude for what you have – and Kat summarized what you have brilliantly. Hugs to you my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Bernadette, I will say, it is becoming a little easier as the days pass, but there is still adjustments to be made. Thanks for you always supportive comments – have a great day. 🙂

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  11. My family has prayed for you and your family ever since I read about your struggles and your surgery. Your positive attitude is so inspiring to me. I’m sure you have many down days as well but yet you continue to spread sunshine to others here and I am sure offline

    Liked by 1 person

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