It’s 2:16 in the morning

I have had a restless night, not much sleep because I have thoughts swirling in my head.

It is a while now since I really have had one of these nights.  Since surgery, I am taking medications to help me sleep because I continue to have pains associated with my surgery and recovery.  I also have pains not associated to my surgery and recovery that make it difficult at times to find a comfortable position to sleep.

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But on this particular night, it is those thoughts swirling in my head.

I am unsure how long it will be by the time I publish this post.  I may have upset someone and I may have upset you and I may have upset myself.  I make no apologies to no one, including myself.

This blog has always and will always be about me and my life and for that I make no apologies.  I am who I am and have changed for the better in many ways over the years.  I continue to change for the better, though at times the changes come slow; to me at times slower than what my life will provide me here on this earth.

When I die, I will not be a perfect person; I hope to be a person that at least tried to be a better person.  I strive every single day to be a better person.  Some days I succeed and many days I fail; some days I fail miserably.

My point is I try and I do it my way, because I know me better than anyone else knows me.

I have been told at times by people that they do not understand me.  I at times do not understand me either, but I still know me better than anyone else.

When creating this blog, it was a way for me to write about me and my life.

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My life in words for I hope one day those important to me would read.  I have no idea if they will read it or not – I don’t know.

This brings me to those thoughts swirling in my head tonight, this restless night and me writing this post at 2:16 in the morning.

I don’t really like to be rude; I can be though, and have been times in my life.  I can be rude and have been rude to people I know and to strangers alike.  My personality is complex and at times people do not understand me.  This has already been identified.

When writing and publishing posts, I attempt to write in a way where I do not come across as rude and I try to consider other’s feelings.  So please do not take this the wrong way – I am being honest here.

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When I write posts about me, the true very personal me, I ask for no advise.  I write the true personal me because it is important for me to do so.  I have come to appreciate support and encouragement here and the friendships I have made are invaluable.

Now, again at 2:16 in the morning, I am writing the true personal me.  It was a little while ago; and that week was tough and that ‘I don’t know’ was tough and therefore I was rude because I did not ask for advice.  I was writing the true personal me because it is important for me to do so.

68 thoughts on “It’s 2:16 in the morning

  1. Ironically last night was a restless night for me as kept thinking about a speech I am working on for Thursday. Around 1:45 I finally let go and started resting better. I realize on those nights I am neither thinking clearly nor resting well because I am preoccupied with someone or something. I should keep something alcoholic handy to help those nights be reduced so I can just rest.

    You are a thoughtful and troubled man amigo, walk your road but we will wait and be there when you are ready.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks David for your understanding. I walk slowly at times and I appreciate you my friends waiting. And hopefully, you will have some good nights ahead of you. Have a great week. 🙂

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  2. At 2:16 a.m. (my personal time for those kind of issues is 3 a.m.) one can be forgiven for anything they may say or do. Well IMHO anyway. Nobody is rational at 2 a.m….even those who choose it as a time they work best (night watchpeople, telephone operators, police and EMT dispatchers)…it’s a different world. And who could be offended by anything you say or write? You’ve been clear enough that at this time your blog is centered on your life and your issues. And you are always a gentleman and so kind. Somebody (else) has thin skin if they’re taking exception. In my view anyway. Not that it was asked for. Um. Have a better day Terry! ❤

    Liked by 4 people

  3. Heyyyy… this post was not being rude…
    it was just lots of rambling and seems incoherent ..

    I’m so sorry 😐 you are experiencing so much confusing thoughts..
    we can only be us..
    and you being who you are is what makes you so damn special..
    and it was really nice to follow you along during the days up to your surgery and after..

    It’s always so scary when faced with something as life threatening as that..

    But we still stick with you.. rejoicing in your recovering..
    and we know you are never going to be the same again..
    you just have to learn to adapt to the new changes…

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Dang, my sinuses got me up at 3:33 (I always think it’s a dream when it’s that time on the clock–hee hee) and I said “screw it” and got in the shower, unable to go back to sleep. What was in the air last night that none of us could sleep? Oh well…

    Anyhoo, blogs are for all kinds of things, and sometimes it’s where you lay your demons out and let them rest so YOU can rest. Nothing wrong with that. You were honest in an online world full of excuses and lies, so that in itself is commendable. You said what you felt, and that’s honest. You explained it, just didn’t lash out and be hateful.

    Anyhoo, hugs to you and I hope you have a less-stressful and more-relaxing day as a result. Be well, you and yours, and enjoy the sun.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Right now, I wish you peaceful, undisturbed sleep and beautiful dreams. I am glad you are not apologizing. You are you, and you are allowed to be who you are at any given time. You are a man who is forever being the best person you can be at the time (not many people can say that) and for that alone, makes you remarkable and the best. Thank you for being you. Thank you for being real. Hugs my friend, and have a great and happy day 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Lynne for being a great friend, and understanding. I do try to be the best I can be, and for you and others to recognize that is important to me – it helps me a great deal. Happy Day to you as well. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Please, never feel you have to apologise here, in your blog, for being yourself. We are your guests; we choose to visit because we care about you, your struggles, your thoughts. It’s testimony to the man you are that you have created this community of care. I know very well how sleepless nights cast dark shadows in the mind, so I hope you manage to get better sleep soon. Kia Kaha my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I’m not sure I understand why somebody would be upset or offended by anything you write.
    Honesty has never bothered me. If you feel like shit and want to write about it…you should.
    Who among us has any right to condemn you for how you feel?
    My thoughts are with you and Gary. 😘

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Everybody who had a restless night (myself included), you should know that it was all the Russian hackers’ fault. They punched a hole in the atmosphere, or maybe Galaxy? – I forgot which! – and infected us with a paranoia virus. If you believe that, I have a little bridge in Brooklyn I can sell you.
    Are you smiling, Terry?
    Whoever called you rude should go look in the mirror, and what he would see is a perfect a-hole. None of your personal writing comes across as rude. You are expressing your feelings, which is what blogs are for, essentially. Keep on expressing your feelings, for many more years, but without pain and anguish!
    I hope you get some rest and feel better!
    Have a lovely day,
    Dolly

    Liked by 2 people

  9. I’ve never considered anything you have written rude, Terry. Keep expressing yourself, in whatever manner you wish. Your blog, your thoughts. That is all.
    And those early a.m. demons, come to us all at times. Embrace the daylight, breathe, and let them go.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Van, I appreciate your comment and truthfulness. Next time I have one of those nights, I will keep in mind the daylight will come soon – then breathe and let them go. Thanks again, I appreciate you. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Well hello there, its the first time i read you and I kinda needed ti leave you a comment on this post. You are never rude when you express yourself, you are already perfect the way you are and you dont need the aproval of anyone but yourself. Free your mind from all these fears and live without thinking what others might think about you, i see you are a considerate person and thats something you dont find easily around. So be proud. Be happy. Thankful. And peaceful.
    Good luck, I hope you are sleeping better now…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your very kind comment, I do truly appreciate it. And being myself, that is what this blog is all about. Thanks again for the comment and for stopping by to read. Hope you have a great day. 🙂

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  11. Your thoughts and your feelings are your own. “Rude” or not. Being authentic is the best thing you can do for yourself during these difficult times. I’m so sorry your nights are restless sometimes. Mine are too. I like your honesty. Peace to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. What you think and what you feel are entirely yours and nobody else’s business. You are never offensive, never rude but rather I find very careful to explain your emotions and feelings to your readers. Sleep is the most elusive of butterflies … eluding us when we most need it. I hope you are able to catch some soon and meantime, no more apologies! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  13. You are real, true, honest, raw, refreshingly pure in nature. If that is offensive to anyone then they can just bug off because we need more yous in the world.
    I’m truly sorry you are having pain and that recovery makes it hard to sleep. Praying you get relief soon

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you for your comment, it means the world to me and I do try to be nice in my writings and not offend others. The lack of sleep is affecting everything else right now. Take care, have a happy day my friend. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Well I am up too!! I just read your post and you should be you! Not all days are good days, we all have bad ones. With the different pains your experiencing it is okay to not be in the best of spirits and I would not apologize either. I hope you will be able to get a couple of hours of rest in…I get upset too sometimes when I think I am tired and lay there awake with a busy mind! Your never alone. We are not suppose to be perfect…be however it is that is right for you on this day or any day. I always keep you in my prayers. I hope by day break your pain is lessened and you can catch a couple more hours of much needed rest. We all love you and wish you well.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Sandra, I know there are many others who understand the experiencing of pain on a constant basis can be difficult and affect our moods. I always want to be a pleasant person, but with the pain and lack of sleep and other things going on with me – I become irritable. I appreciate you very much and hope you have a good week knowing all that is going on with you. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  15. You’ve explained perfectly ‘why’ anyone who ‘writes’, ‘writes’.

    Ditto on the complex personality. Phew… we are an exhausting lot, aren’t we? 😉 I always cringe a little when people use the statement, “they’re so level! always the same, no matter what the crisis.” (not me.)

    Ironically, my favorite worst statement regarding my character, repeated across a small spectrum of annoying people from my teens to my twenties? That I lacked ‘personality’… lmao. My older self says, “Well honey, you lack imagination.”

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lots of complexity taking place in my head and certainly exhausting at times. You have a understanding I like and appreciate – and I am very glad to have friends such as yourself who can relate. Hope your week is well and beautiful. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  16. I’m back from traveling and good to see your post. No apologies needed. We’re all complex and have ups and downs, otherwise we wouldn’t be human. I know me, myself and I don’t always see eye to eye with me, myself and I. 😎 🤡 🤠 Keep smiling.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. I don’t know if you’re still going through this, but I wish you a peaceful night. What I know is that this piece of blog really helped me in ways I cannot explain. These nights may be disturbing and restless, but we do turn to our only escape- writing. And it makes this so much better, to know that you have this one thing by your side even when you’re against yourself!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I no longer have this issue with sleep as many things have changed with my body since writing this particular post. But certainly you are correct about being able to write about these nights help and do make it better. I appreciate you reading, commenting and for following my blog. I hope you have a good day. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  18. Pingback: It’s 2:16 in the morning — spearfruit – Canary in the coalmine

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