goodbyes or Thank You

I have in the past had dreams where I woke up and voice recorded what I remember about the dream.  A couple of months ago, I had one of those dreams and though I did not remember a great deal of detail about the dream, I went ahead and voice recorded what I did remember.  It was an important dream, because it involved all of my family and I felt it had significance.

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Provided by: Inception Radio Network

What was is about and what is its significance?

I was in a large room and all my family were there, everyone.  There were my sons and my parents and my siblings.  There also were my aunts, uncles and cousins, nieces and nephews.  And one other person was there; no longer considered family, but she was there – my ex-wife.

I am approaching each one of them and grasping their hands and hugging them and having a brief chat.  I have no recall what these discussions were about, but I felt it was the last time I was going to see them.  This whole event appeared to everyone including me as not a big deal, it was not exciting nor somber; there was no laughter and there were no tears – it just was the family being together.

Amongst all the family members in line, also standing there is my oldest son, and I bypassed him; I felt I had nothing to say to him.

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Image Provided by: Kyrene Foundation

You may remember back in March I wrote a post ‘ESTRANGED‘, and I concluded with the following –

One of my sons calls on a regular basis – thank you son.  The other two sons do not call me and in the past I would call them, but now no longer do I call. 

These 2 sons I saw at Thanksgiving and they were aware of my surgery.  These 2 sons I have not heard from since my surgery.  These 2 sons I have not spoken with since Thanksgiving.

Are we estranged?

Again, I just do not understand why?

In the past, I had asked myself, what did I do or not do to deserve the absence from my life; the no communication and the appearance of not caring?

Again, I refuse to blame myself any longer. 

Again, I refuse to cry anymore tears.

In today’s post, I conclude with the following –

Since this dream took place, I have spoken with both of these sons and will write about in a future post.  But in this dream, why did I not acknowledge the oldest son?  And what was this dream about?

Is the dream about me saying my goodbyes before I die?

Is the dream about me saying “Thank You” for your thoughts and prayers that have now brought me to being healthy once again?

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Image Provided by: mcolaw.wordpress.com

I decided to not put more thought into interpreting this dream; I do not think there is a need to.

Perhaps at the time of this dream, I was still blaming myself and angry, especially at my oldest son.  My relationship is different with him than the other two and our differences and similarities go back a long way.

I do believe my sons truly care about me.  It maybe they just do not know how to display it.

48 thoughts on “goodbyes or Thank You

  1. I’ve always thought of dreams as the mind’s way of getting rid of things it no longer needs … purging itself of thoughts or feelings which are no longer relevant to the current state of mind.
    So, perhaps you are feeling more optimistic about the future and no longer need the thoughts about saying goodbye? Perhaps it reflects letting go of old thoughts about your relationship with your son as you accept a new way to move forward?

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  2. I am dealing with connections with my children also…you’ve given me a lot to think about here.

    I do find that when I figure out a dream, I feel more peaceful, even if it is bad. But sometimes we just don’t know. All the thoughts get jumbled and tell us nothing coherent

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  3. I don’t know anything about dreams. To me, they’re just little annoyances that accompany those little slices of death we call sleep….if we do sleep. The brain is a tricky little bastard…who knows what it’s doing while we’re unconscious? LOLOL
    I dreamed about my oldest daughter the other night and she was horribly mean to me.
    I have dreamed about her several times and she is ALWAYS mean to me. I haven’t seen or spoken to her in two years and I doubt that I ever will again. She’s much like Loser…a bully and I have decided that I do not want people like that in my life anymore.
    Maybe your dream was telling you that you didn’t need to worry about your son anymore. Just “pass him by.”

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I have heard and read that dreams literally last a few seconds, yet often when we dream, the dream seems to last forever – now that is fascinating. I personally don’t worry to try and read into my dreams too much, and just shake it off, as who really knows what the sub sub conscious mind is thinking in the sleeping state. It is like going to a fortune teller…they can tell you one thing but it can be totally wrong (haha that was a bad analogy)
    Hope you are well rested my friend and have a good day. 🙂

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  5. I wish I had some advice. The topic of estrangement is difficult for me, there is a painful family legacy that goes back a few generations. It is always heartbreaking. I wish you the ability to come to peace with it all, Terry.

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  6. You’re probably right, they don’t know how to adequately express their feelings for you. After all it’s still pretty true that boys are raised to think crying or showing emotion is ‘unmanly’ somehow (it’s better than when we were young thankfully, but not much I bet). BUT. To me? Your dream is a resolution and a tidying up (if you will) of affairs, possibly because you have had the news about your cancer. (and this next bit isn’t meant to try to sway you to my point of view OR dismiss your own opinions at all, okay?) I’m always sad when I read about someone who says ‘goodbye’ to loved ones – either because they’re dying or the loved one(s) is/are. In my own belief one big comfort is that we’ll be reunited ‘over there’ (wherever that is over there) after this life. And without the limitations we face in this life (emotional and physical), so we’re able to express our love for our children, spouses, parents, family without limitation. It might be deluded and naive, that belief, but it’s comforting. I wish you peace most of all Terry, especially in this challenging time for you. Take care friend!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I for one can never make sense of my dreams, but it’s good you shared what you could. I certainly like to think it was your way of saying Thank You to all your friends and family, but as you said, it’s best not to over-analyze something like this. Have a wonderful day Terry!

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  8. Terry, first of all, and most emphatically, the dream is NOT about saying good-byes!
    Secondly, you are absolutely right, your sons are there for you, they just don’t know how to express it. As a parallel: when my mother, may she rest in peace, was diagnosed, I took the first available flight there, and what I found in the hospital was my father sitting by her bed and crying, and my brother sitting on the floor in the hallway, also crying, but unable to go into the room. Both of them were basket cases, but in the same basket, i.e. unable to express and master their feelings, and to do what was necessary for the one person who needed their support. It’s devastating, but normal! You are so fortunate to have Gary who does things instead of crying!
    Finally, before you tell your dreams to anyone, look out the window and never try to interpret your own dreams. You are no Dr Freud, and even he admitted that he was never sure he interpreted his own dreams correctly. If you wish, you can tell me your dreams in an e-mail, and I’ll interpret them for you, to the best of my ability, but don’t forget to look out the window first. My e-mail address is on my blog, in Contact.
    Have a great week!
    D

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Dolly, I appreciate your comments. I had written a post early in my blog that was also a dream and was told the same thing, I should not reveal my dreams to anyone. I have to be honest with you and everyone else, that this is my blog and I feel I can write and publish anything that is about me here. I appreciate you taking time to read and comment – truly I do. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • Of course, you can do anything you want, and not only in your blog but also in your life! I was only sharing the dream-revealing and dream-interpreting information as I know it, trying to protect you from any negative energy. It is a part of my belief and my upbringing, and it doesn’t have to be yours, of course, but I also believe that information never hurts.
        Have a great day,
        D

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Dreams are fascinating and much like yourself I try to interpret them at times too. I was thinking that since you and the one son have many similarities, in this dream, it would be just like yourself standing there and why you passed him by. No need to shake his hand, give him a hug, your one in the same, tight…or perhaps he himself in such a way didn’t want you to, you sensed it and moved on to the next person in line. Maybe, maybe not!

    Regarding the other two sons. Much like yourself, I have a 45 year old daughter that has never had anything to do with me at all since she left home unless she wanted something then I was okay to talk to. Very close to her dad, my ex. I was never a drinker, never did drugs…it made him angry, and I simply was not for him. Refused to accept the mistreatment both physical and mental I experienced in my marriage….Oh Mom…Your making that up!! Many tears have flowed from my eyes over our relationship and at this stage of my life I simply do not put any energy into thoughts of…I wonder why…etc. Not anymore. I am the type of person that when I close a door, it’s closed…especially with this one.

    My daughter found drugs early on in her life with her ex husband, and the attitude that goes with this generation of druggies…past or present is the status quo I believe. They have a vacant place in their heart for any empathy, care, concern, their love is phony and twisted from drugs and alcohol. Their brains are like Swiss cheese. Everything is hurrah for me and screw everyone else. She has a hateful, angry attitude…a complex of no value in my opinion and quite frankly I wouldn’t trust her as far as I could spit…if I did of course….She has never taken an interest in things I love and enjoy and her words are simply words she uses to be a shoe in wherever she visits, with whom and what she can get from them. I don’t care for her boyfriend she has been with for years…when they came down to visit other family members he told me via a couple of text messages to my phone… he could see I had a soul, it comes through in my potted plants….he also told me he was wanted for murder and was on television, the newspapers and everyone knew about it and why. I never responded because I was too scared to! Lol!! I took it as a message. I let the other family members know about the messages, forwarded them and included my message that they are never welcomed in my home, if I see them I will call the police. Both of them are blocked from my phone and all social media outlets I enjoy.

    I wouldn’t beat yourself up over it too much, time to take care of you, but I do know it hurts deeply, they are your children, your sons. I have heard from many different people over the years that have children that have abandoned them, and those people feel like all their children care about is what they will be getting when they pass away. They don’t call, write, come by on holidays and only talk to them if they want something from them. It is very sad indeed. My own daughter called me years ago…in the 90’s I believe…and asked me simply, when you die do I get everything you have? I said well…I have two sisters….went to say her name and she had already hung up the phone. Another time she called to ask me for my divorce papers so she could collect her child support to purchase a home! My ex never honored the child support and I worked two full time jobs most of my life to make ends meet.

    Son’s are typically very close to mother’s, and it could be perhaps from conversations your ex wife had with them…good, bad or indifferent…sharing her own guilt, pain…feelings of rejection from her divorce not wanting her sons to abandon her, accept her and that all she says is true and correct… the love she has for her boys is a mother’s love… or…. with all you have been through and still going through it could be the boys simply don’t know how to show their love and concern for you because they are not sure how to express it. I am sure they want to, but it could be any negativity from your ex has interfered with their feelings, or they are just in denial as to their father’s health. Fear of possibly loosing their father one day, they don’t know how to approach this situation. I don’t know.

    I hope for you that the boys come to realize that you love them very much too and would love to have them in your life.

    Have a good evening, and remember I always keep you in my prayers.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sandy, I feel sorrow for you and your children, but understand your feelings with regards to your relationship with them. Much of your comment, I totally understand and relate to. My sons have always been close to their mom because we did divorce when they were very young. Just yesterday, I spoke with my own mom and we discussed my relationship with my sons and I think they are unsure how to handle my illness and unable to respond to it. And that is okay with me. I no longer blame myself for the type of relationship I have with my sons, which is very different than I wanted. But I do have some form of communication with them, and I will accept that and be happy with it. Thank you for your very personal comment, your understanding and your friendship. I appreciate you very much, truly I do. I hope your week is going well for you. 🙂

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  10. I am hopeless at interpreting dreams but I think this one is about a new beginning with your boys. But a beginning that does not have you running after them in desperation but rather one that has you all standing equally as men who have lived through much turmoil but have reached the understanding that only real love can muster.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you Osyth, your interpretation of new beginnings with my sons is a positive one. There are changes taking place with the relationships in a positive direction, this is good. I always appreciate your comments and hope you are doing well. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Terry I have 2 sons and can’t imagine them not being in my life. No matter what and I mean no matter what has happened in your life or theirs when you are gone they will regret not building bridges. Someone has to start the building the bridge! Family is number one priority! I will pray for your family! 😞

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, I agree Richard and I think the bridge is started, but a long ways from being completed. Thank you my friend, I appreciate your prayers and hope you are having a good week. 🙂

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  12. Aren’t dreams the darndest things….no matter how we try to interrupt them, we really will never know….I have to agree with Osyth and think its everyone together that you have had or have now an active relationship with and its showing the son in question that why, why can’t we, I have so many relationships I need you to be part of the group in my heart…..I gave up on trying to decipher my dreams, they are so frigin abstract sometimes I think I would walk away thinking myself crazy….LOL I agree with you….no more thinking about it and I am hoping that things are moving forward with your boys….remember the ole saying – you can lead a horse to water but can’t always get it to drink….I use this in my life for an explanation when I can no longer figure out the whys and what for’s of humans…..we are a fickle bunch aren’t we…..sending you love…..xxxxkat

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you kat, yes the relationship with the boys are moving forward – it is better. Thanks for always leaving wonderful comments, and I think this is most likely the last dream I will try to figure out the meaning. Happy day my friend. 🙂

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      • Yes I agree to stop trying… sometimes it can more disturbing to keep trying to wonder why we are dreaming what we are….as my mom used to say, I had an overactive mind when I was awake what makes me think it would change when I sleep…LOL xxkat

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