I had a bad day

This past Sunday, I had a bad day

My pain this past weekend was at its greatest and many pain pills were taken

I was tired, down, a little depressed and cried a lot

It started this past Saturday

This past Sunday, I had a bad day

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This past Sunday –

Someone said that when they take their last breath, which they indicated would be many years from now; they would be happy because they accomplished something

A couple became married

I watched as young women and men performed their military PT (Physical Training) in the morning from the window of my RV

I observed people enjoying life and having fun

This past Sunday, I had a bad day

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I was asked the other day by someone, you seem unhappy

I responded I am unhappy

I am unhappy because I have Stage 4 Bladder Cancer

I am unhappy because I am going through chemotherapy

I am unhappy because I have a bag attached to the side of my body

I am unhappy because I have lost 30 pounds of body weight

I am unhappy because I have major chronic pain

I am unhappy because I wake in the mornings with pain

I am unhappy because I go to bed at night with pain

I am unhappy because I am not enjoying life

I am unhappy because Gary is not enjoying life

I am unhappy because I cannot plan for the future

I am unhappy because I wait and wait for a time to take tests that will determine my future

I am unhappy because many other people are enjoying life

I many times in posts, comments and videos use the phrase ‘Happy Day’

I was not having a happy day

This past Sunday, I had a bad day

82 thoughts on “I had a bad day

  1. I know what chronic pain is, 24 hours a day, you can’t sleep all you think about is pain. I make myself a good cocktail “Bourbon and liquid Morphine”, I wear a Morphine patch as well and the doc tells me “take as many painkillers as you need”?, you know the answer “nothing helps, the pain breaks through”. I lost Spring, I so look forward to it, hearing people in their gardens working the smell of grass and, its awful. Some good must come out of it all, thinking of you and praying for you, God Bless, love Anna.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Anna, thanks for understanding, although I wish you did not have to endure what pain can do to us. I do hope the Facet Injections I receive in the upcoming weeks will help. But in the mean time, more pain pills and watching other people enjoy their lives without pain. Thanks for stopping by to read and comment – it is always appreciated. 🙂

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  2. So sorry to hear you are having a bad day. And you have many reasons to feel unhappy. I can’t imagine your pain but it comes through in your writing. I wish writing abut the pain would help to ease it. I’ll start sending virtual ladles.

    Liked by 3 people

    • I am better today Paula, but that is because I have increased the pain pills. I hope in the next several weeks the Facet Injections will help and I can reduce the pain pills I take – they make me feel very drowsy. I appreciate you very much and hope your week is going good. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh Terry. It isn’t fair and it is not right. It is not something I can magic away. It is not something anyone can magic away. You need a break from it. But then again that implies that you would have to go back to it. You need and end to it. Until that comes it is unsurprising that you had a bad day. What is surprising is that you have days when you do see the light in the tunnel, you do see the wood through the trees. That is because you are, whether you like it or not, an amazing man. A man I am so proud of. A man I feel helpless to support as I would like to. So, as ever, all I can do is send you virtual sunshine and warmth from the inky depths of my heart. And the wish that you will have better and better days ahead.

    Liked by 5 people

    • Thank you Osyth for always bringing me a smile. I do try to have good days, but sometimes the pain wins and I am just worn out. I am hoping in the next several weeks when I receive the Facet Injections, it will help reduce the pain and also reduce the amount of pain pills. I appreciate you and your always wonderful comments. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • I do have hope in several weeks when I receive the Facet Injections into my spine, that will help a great deal in reducing my pain. In the mean time, I increased my pain pills that helps with the pain, but also makes me more drowsy. Thanks Lorrie, have a great week. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I know you’re unhappy, probably miserable and rightly so. You listed twelve reasons but I’m sure there are a lot more other related ones too.It sucks, more than a post or any words can possibly convey. It’s not fair, right, or deserving no matter how you look at it or whatever your beliefs. And as you mentioned you’re patience is being constantly pulled beyond any normal expectation.I hear you and feel your pain as much as is possible without actually also being in your situation. And I applaud you every day regardless if your “Have a happy day” sentiments are just a civility on any given day or not.Amanda

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Amanda, for understating and supporting me. Most days I manage just fine, not living life with quality – that has not happen for quite some time, but I do manage with what has been given to me. The pain is better today because I recently increased my pain medication – I hate taking pills, but that is what I have to do right now. I appreciate you stopping by today to read and leave a comment – hope all is well with you today. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Portia, yes – that is what my blog is about, me telling it like it is. I am better today, with hope of finding relieve very soon. I appreciate you stopping by to comment today. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Tanya for your kind comment and know I appreciate your support. I am feeling better today and my hope is in several weeks to be feeling much better with regards to having less pain. Thank you also for the hugs, I just received them! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m so sorry to hear that you had a very tough day this weekend, Terry! I cannot imagine the amount of pain, sadness, or despair you must be feeling. It truly saddens me to read this. I pray that you find strength and some bit of happiness along the way. One thing that should make you happy is having Gary by your side. Love is a great gift that we sometimes have to remind ourselves about when life throws us a ton of distractible hardships. I really hope that your pain and everything else gets better. Always in my prayers 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    • What I experienced Sunday is not always the days I have. Most days I can tolerate enough and do things to try to enjoy life. I did in the past day have to increase my pain medication and that has helped. Thank you Shanika for your prayers of support – I truly appreciate them. I hope your week is going well for you. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • Wow! Ok. I’m happy to hear that you’re doing better. I do hope that your increased pain meds help going forward! You’re so welcome! I hope that you enjoy the rest of your week Terry! My week is going well so far! 😊

        Liked by 1 person

  6. So very sorry you having to deal with so much pain.
    It makes me sad.
    But then I think, you are dealing with it, somehow you are getting through: you are strong and brave, and you share your frustrations, so that we can try and support you.
    Sending much love and hugs to you and Gary xxx

    Liked by 2 people

  7. So sorry about your bad day! We all have them….. but… you really are going through a lot. If it helps – – remember….

    What Cancer Cannot Do

    Cancer is so limited…
    It cannot cripple love.
    It cannot shatter hope.
    It cannot corrode faith.
    It cannot eat away peace.
    It cannot destroy confidence.
    It cannot kill friendship.
    It cannot shut out memories.
    It cannot silence courage.
    It cannot reduce eternal life.
    It cannot quench the Spirit.

    Author: Dr. Robert L. Lynn

    HUGS from Mars, Jodi

    Liked by 2 people

  8. I hate intense pain and I cringe at what you are dealing with. Thank you for your honest outpouring. I suspect we all feel helpless and are all sending you whatever strength we are able to through our thoughts and prayers. I wish I was there to in person provide more support.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Thank goodness you have your blogging friends to talk to. While we cannot take away the pain and the bad days, we are the ears that hear your words and the heart that feels for you. No, we cannot fully understand all you are going through. No one can. But we are here. Now, that is really something!

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Terry, sending best wishes and thoughts to you and Gary during this time. It certainly is a challenging period to go through but here’s hoping those injections will not only reduce the need for painkillers but find you become as discomfort-free as possible. I know what it is like to have pain everyday but it doesn’t begin to compare to everything you are taking on head-on. You inspire so many of us through your courage…and your honesty.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Bruce for your kind comment, I certainly appreciate the support I receive here. I too hope the injections help me become pain free. I have to wait a couple of more weeks before I have my appointment – so until then the pain medications continue. Thanks again Bruce, hope everything is well with you. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  11. I am so sorry to hear that you continue to suffer. I am sure “chronic pain” doesn’t begin to describe it. It sounds like you are experiencing “chronic torture.” Terry, I really hope that you can find relief. For all of our medical advances, you would think pain management would be so much further. My heart goes out to you! Hugs to you and Gary!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • The pain some days is much worse than others and certainly prevents me from doing many activities. There are days I do venture out and Gary and I do some exploring, but I always take pain medications with me. I dislike taking the pills and hope in the next couple of weeks to find some relieve. Thanks Blue, I hope all is well with you.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. I watched a show with my son the other Day called Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood. The lesson was to express how you’re feeling and it’s okay to say you’re angry or having a bad day. I’m sorry yours is more than a bad day. I hope things are better for you. Prayers coming your way. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Sharon for reading and accepting my feelings. I have much taking place at the moment, with my emotions at high levels. Hope all is well with you, I appreciate you stopping by today. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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