‘busy days’

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In my post ‘ESTRANGED‘, I concluded with the following –

One of my sons calls on a regular basis – thank you son.  The other two sons do not call me and in the past I would call them, but now no longer do I call.

These 2 sons I saw at Thanksgiving and they were aware of my surgery.  These 2 sons I have not heard from since my surgery.  These 2 sons I have not spoken with since Thanksgiving.

Are we estranged?

Again, I just do not understand why?

In the past, I had asked myself, what did I do or not do to deserve the absence from my life; the no communication and the appearance of not caring?

Again, I refuse to blame myself any longer.

Again, I refuse to cry anymore tears.

But it does still bothers me, more so today, because my life has changed, my health has changed.

In today’s post, I write the following –

Since I wrote that post, these 2 sons I have not spoken with since Thanksgiving reached out to me.  Once of them called me on my birthday, the other did not acknowledge it.  The one that did call on my birthday, he apologized for not calling earlier.

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Image Provided by: Markus Kasunich

He indicated he has been extremely busy and though that is not a good excuse, he has had much to do and did not find the time.  We caught up with each other and I provided him the update on my health and treatment.  Me knowing this son, it will be awhile before I hear from him again.

Then one evening, I was surprised when my phone rang and it was my son #1.  I was already in bed and in extreme pain and therefore I did not answer it.  The next day I texted him and told him I appreciated him calling and he could back the upcoming weekend.  I received no text back and I did not receive a phone call.  This did not surprise me or upset me, I am used to this typical routine.  So, I waited about a week and called him and we did finally connect and chatted for a while.  Again, same as other son, he is extremely busy and though that is not a good excuse, he has had much to do and did not find the time.  We caught up with each other and I provided him the update on my health and treatment.  Me knowing this son, it will be awhile before I hear from him again.

I know my son’s lives are busy, I believe them.  There was a time in my life where I was busy also working many hours and little time for other things in life.

Back during my ‘busy days’, we did not have smartphones.

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Image Provided by: Quotes Pictures – QuotesPie.com

Yes, we had cellphones, but they were not smart.  And though I was very busy with work, I always made time to call my parents and my sons.  Today I feel there is no excuse to have some sort of communication with someone.

Gone are the days where our communication were letters and phone calls from land lines.

There are many forms of communication today – a simple text is easy and fast.

I do not always need a phone call, a text will do – but I guess they are too busy to do that also.

54 thoughts on “‘busy days’”

  4. I think that today’s communication is not at all smart. It is rapid and instant of course but it means that we don’t have to put in the thought and planning we once did and that in turn means that things slip. I have this with my daughters. Weeks can go by and they will not contact me. I normally,, after a while, send a message which reads ‘are you alive?’ And that will prompt a response. They are all different. The eldest is very good and emails me a lot. Sends instant messages and books calls. The youngest has a habit of speaking to me frequently though it has dispersed a little this year as she is gearing towards graduating her degree and very busy. The middle two are a pair of butterflies. I have to make those allowances but sometimes I get upset and wonder why I am so low on their list. I am not, of course. I am so high that I am part of their fabric and that is why I get overlooked. Excuses I do not tolerate, reasons I have time for. I am sure that you are part of your sons’ fabrics whether they are conscious of that fact or not and I am certain that even though they do not always call, you are there in their subconscious and that although they make excuses it is their own gaucheness and the nonsense of instant communication being without conscious thought that causes it. Sorry for the ramble. YOu triggered a rather long response. The fact is that they love you. The fact is that you love them. And the fact is that life is horribly hard for you and they are each individuals who perhaps are ill-equip

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    • No problem rambling, I understand and appreciate your comment. What bothers me the most about this is I am sick and my expectations is they should be checking in on me. I have sent them text messages to let them know how I am doing even when given them bad news – I should not have to do that. Let me be honest, it pisses me off. Sorry, strong emotions when is comes to this subject. I appreciate you Osyth very much, and always enjoy visiting with you here on WP.

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  5. You’re absolutely right- with the extreme convenience of modern technology, it only takes a few seconds to let someone know you’re thinking of them and that you care. But at the same time, some people aren’t so great with regular communication, no matter how quick or how simple. But that doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t care. 💗

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    • I know they love me. It is just I am sick and I feel they should check in on me to see how I am doing. I always check in on my parents especially when they are not feeling well. Different generation I guess. Thanks Kathryn. 🙂

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  7. The ease of communication these days makes it so easy to overlook as well – it’s so easy to say “I’ll call back later” or “I can wait to respond to that email/text” and then forget about it. And we often don’t know how much it would mean to that other person to have just a short text – something like, “I saw [x] and it reminded me of you” or a phone call to say the same thing. I think most of us are sometimes guilty of not remembering to really appreciate our loved ones and take the little steps that mean so much to them.

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    • Yes, I agree with you Sarah. I think my expectations are too high for them, I guess. When my parents were very sick, I would call them everyday. My son’s dad (me) is very sick, all I ask for is at least a text “I am thinking about you’. My mom will send me a text during the week to check in on me besides our weekly calls. Sorry, I am rambling. Thanks for always stopping by. 🙂

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  9. People often get caught up in their daily lives and forget about what matters most.. I think this is the case with your sons. But I’m pleased at least you’ve been able to catch up with them both ♥

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    • I am pleased as well to catchup with them. I hope there is more communication sooner than later – we shall see. Thanks Christy, I appreciate you reading and commenting. Happy Monday! 🙂

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  11. Yes, life is busy for all in one way or the other. I am pleased though that you have been able to make contact anyway since Thanksgiving…however, I feel that in time someday they will regret not keeping in contact with you more. Their lack of contact I don’t believe is a reflection on how they feel for you, it just seems that their priorities are different these days. This is a tough one my friend, I wish things were different. Hugs x

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  12. Is it possible that they are finding it difficult to accept your serious health problems and the depth of your pain? Some people, especially men, find it difficult to cope when someone close is struggling with ill-health, they don’t know what to do so they do nothing. They may be burying themselves in their work and daily lives so that the elephant in the room gets shoved right into the corner where they can ignore it and not have to deal with it. This is terribly hard for the person who is ill and needs their thoughts and support. Like others here, I am sure they think of you but perhaps they do not realise how much it would mean to you for them to check in on you.
    I think communication is a generational thing: I know my children think and talk about their gran and will be devastated if/when she is no longer able to communicate (she is almost 87), but they have such busy lives with several children of varying ages, from babies to teenagers to 20+, with full-time jobs, little sleep and lots of driving to and from kids’ after-school activities etc. When they are free to call it is not convenient for her and vice versa. She misses them and is sad that she doesn’t hear from them. She helped look after them when they were young and I was ill. It’s not that they don’t care, they do, but long distance gets in the way.
    I do hope your sons get back in touch. 🤞🏻

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    • Chris, I totally understand what you are saying with both them not necessarily knowing how to act around me and my Illness and also not finding a convenient time because they do know I go to bed early, plus now I am in a different time zone – 1 hour earlier. I feel the communication will improve over time, I know I need to make an effort on my part as well. Thanks Chris, for stopping by. 🙂

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  13. Terry, you are right; of course “being busy” is just an excuse, but it’s a self-excuse, rather than an excuse for you. Young people are terrified of serious illnesses and tend to put off communications with seriously ill patients from one day to another, until they lose count of those days – or months! The more closely they are related, the more frightened they become, and the longer they put off communication. Inasmuch as you need this communication, please bear in mind that, as strange as it seems, the more they love you, the less they communicate. I used to dial my brother and then bring the phone to my father, may he rest in peace, and announce that my brother is calling.
    Remember, they love you! And keep smiling!

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  14. Two of my daughters haven’t spoken to me in more than two years. The middle one has children, one whom I have never seen.
    My oldest broke her obvious “no contact” rule and sent me a scathing email for HER birthday. She made sure to forward it to every family member and friend she could think of.
    If you “fail” your children, it seems they think they are entitled to “pay you back” any way the want.
    I don’t worry about it anymore and I don’t grieve over it anymore.
    I raised them virtually on my own and was there for them. I guess they’ve forgotten.
    Don’t grieve, Terry. We do the best we can and sometimes…it’s just not enough.
    You must think of yourself as being too important to be emotionally murdered.
    Hugs to you and your wonderful Gary. 😘😘

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  15. Oh Terry this makes me sad and a bit angry. I think others here have made good points, and I tend to agree that your sons may be struggling to deal with your cancer, and that the “smart-phone” world seems to operate on new rules. But I’d really like to go face to face with your sons and give them a bollocking. One, I confess, born of my own guilt at the way I haven’t made time for my own parents. I didn’t see how hurtful that is until the boy-child grew up and now suddenly I’m the parent. Luckily, I have time to make amends, but that doesn’t bring back all that I missed by being negligent. You deserve better! Sending hugs.

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  18. I got nothing….I feel for you, as a parent I totally understand your frustrations with the non communication…I am sorry that it is an added stressor….I am glad that you no longer take ownership of it, it will come back to bite them one day in there lives, unfortunately there is nothing more you can do to help them understand that….your a good person Terry, we all have ups and down over our lives….all you can do is know you have done the best to keep up on your end….hope your week is going well…xxkat

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    • Thank you kat, I agree – I have done my best to be the best dad I could be. We will see what occurs in the future, as I continue this journey. Thanks dear for stopping by, you know I appreciate seeing you here. Happy Week. 🙂

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  20. You have every right to feel pissed off, Terry! It´s so easy to stay in contact nowadays and yet they chose not to use this simple means. I get so angry with people for doing things like that! It might be a generation thing, but I don´t really think so, at least it´s no excuse at all. There are people who care, and people who don´t – sadly the latter overwhelm us all…

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    • Sarah, I really think it is a generation thing. I know others who their kids do not communication with them either. I am getting use to it even though it bothers me. I appreciate you stopping by today, as always you are a wonderful friend. 🙂

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      • I think it´s something very difficult to get used to, Terry, and no one can blame you for being bothered by it. I contact my mom each day, just to let her know everything´s alright and to know in return if she´s ok too, so I struggle a bit with your sons behavior. But I know from my friends and from her friends, that it really seems to be very unusual in these modern times what I´m doing… But I don´t care what they think, I care for my mom and therefor will continue my odd behavior 😉 It might be that I do this because I don´t have any contact at all with my dad (it´s him who chose that)…
        Anyway, I hope your sons will come round soon and will let you know that they´re thinking of you more often! 🙂

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