A couple of weeks ago in my post ‘I had a bad day‘, I concluded with the following excerpts –
I was not having a happy day
This past Sunday, I had a bad day
In today’s post, I write the following –
July of last year in my post ‘Good‘, I wrote the following words –
I honestly feel many people don’t want to hear how others truly feel.
I think out of courtesy to others we ask; especially those that are dealing with a physical illness. If I were to respond to the question differently and say “I feel very bad today, my body hurts and my bladder is burning and I am very tired.”, what would the response be? I do not really know. I doubt I would receive the same response as I do when responding with ‘I am good!”
Back when I wrote that post and up until recently, while in public I would pretend to be healthy, pretend to be happy, pretend to have fun and pretend to be normal.
Those days, they have changed.
I walk slower and usually am bent over – the lower back is always in pain and walking at times is difficult.
Yes, I have been out a little bit to explore the new surroundings in our new location. I take pain medication with me ‘just in case’.
While exploring these new surroundings, I see the other people, the crowds of people who are normal, having fun and seeming healthy and happy.
I have a sense of bitterness, a sense of hatred because these people are normal and living a normal life. These people are having fun and doing things, going about their lives and enjoying their day, each day.
After my exploring of new surroundings in our new location, after walking slower and usually bent over because the lower back is always in pain, I return home. The event of the day, just the walking results in more pain, more pain medication, a bad mood and bitterness.
I don’t enjoy my days, there are very few days I enjoy – I am bitter.
This has become my new normal life.
(I wrote this post a couple of weeks ago, and to a certain point continue to have these feelings. These feelings are negative and serve no good purpose. My pain has increased and I am being tested. I end this post with the following quote.)