Hospice & Home

Last Monday’s post ‘Cancer will take my life‘, I wrote the following –

Cancer will take my life.  I have always referred to this cancer in my body as my cancer as it does not belong to anyone else.  My cancer will take my life.  Those pictures associated to last Friday’s post revealed just how much my cancer has taken over and my fight is coming to an end.  My body and mind are worn and it is time to prepare for what is ultimately to take place.

The family visits of past weeks are over and my body is tired and mind is ready.

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Image Provided by: Harbor Light Hospice

Hospice will begin this week and changes will take place in many areas for both Gary and me.  If you read my post yesterday, starting this week; the amount of posts will be reduced.

In today’s post, I write the following –

Now being home for a week, I feel much better being back in my comfort zone.  I am thankful to have spent time in the hospital, because I needed to be there.  I need to be home also, and I am certainly thankful to be back here now.

This past week I have I received much needed rest and Gary and I have started new routines based on my Hospice care.  The nurses and other associates with Hospice are wonderful and I feel very comfortable in their care.  This past week, though at times difficult both emotionally and physically; this past week, the transition felt right, certainly felt needed and I was ready for it.

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Emotionally I accept where I am in my life, what is left of it and honestly, I am ready for the end.  I know others are not ready for the end; it is coming and I find myself at times wanting to look at a calendar to see what date that will be.  I have no date, and find at times I am frustrated with not knowing.

Physically my body is beaten down by my cancer and as each day passes, so does some strength, flexibility and mobility.  I preform exercise at least once per day and sometimes twice to help slow down the deprivation taken place in my body.

Now that I have a ‘G Tube’ inserted into my stomach, I no longer eat by mouth.  All my nutritional needs are through IV as well as my pain medication.  Remember I also have a urostomy bag that collects my urine and along with all other outside aids, I have lots of tubes coming and going from my body.  I also recently was put on oxygen due to shortness of breath and the amount of effort it takes me to do small tasks; such as changing positions.

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Gary is here beside me always willing and able to take care of me with the small tasks to taking care of changing my nutritional IV that requires changing on a daily basis.  There are many other daily tasks he does to help make my life easier.  I eat lots of ice chips and if it has flavor, then it is like having a treat every day.  So, Gary makes sure I am stocked on ice, popsicles and the like.

The first week with Hospice has gone well and I am grateful to be home.

99 thoughts on “Hospice & Home

  1. I am thankful that you are comfortable. I am grateful that you have had time to say goodbye and others also have had the opportunity to be there to express their love and appreciation. Likewise I am grateful to have met you online, you inspire me to be brave and optimistic. Hugs

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Hi Terry – so glad your first week on hospice went well and they are helping make you comfortable and providing you this time to journey at end of life. Such a privilege that you continue to share with us. Thank you dear friend! Sending my love!!! xo

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s so good to hear from you, Terry! I’m glad you are back home and that you feel more comfortable there. 😄 I’m thinking of you everyday and hope your pains are managed well. Those ice chips sound like a lovely treat especially when you can’t eat anymore, hope you get many different flavours. Sending you and Gary many gentle hugs and kisses! 😄😘💕

    Liked by 1 person

  4. There’s no place like home (click click) there’s no place like home (click click) there’s no place like home! 👠👠 Dorothy never spoke a truer word and I am so glad that you are home – with Gary 24/7, Roxy (I’m sure she is nursing you beautifully) and all those tremendous carers to whom I send my special and heartfelt love for looking after my dear, dear friend. Gary – you must be relieved to have him in your place again even if the circumstances are what we say here ‘triste’ … rest well, spend the most delightful time you can together. Tomorrow (or whenever your next post is) I have a silly little cadeau for you (do NOT get unduly excited). I must acknowledge also the fact that you want to have a date … I would be/will be exactly the same. It’s just so blasted un-neat to leave such an important end open! Much love to you. Get that. LOVE. From my heart to the heart of one that I can only ever be a pale shadow of x

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Dear Terry, it is so good to hear that you are in good Hospice care (not all of them are – I know from experience!), and that your body is free of pain and your mind is at peace. Your desire to know the date is understandable, but even King David didn’t get an answer when he asked that question. With your indomitable spirit that inspires all of us, your loving friends, that question becomes irrelevant.
    Prayers and blessings sent your way!
    D

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I don’t really know what to say to you and Gerry except I hope your readers can learn from your noble and dignified manner. Thank you for your service and the time you’ve put into allowing me to get to know u through your blog. I’m awed but mostly saddened.

    Chad- LiveFree2SailFast

    Liked by 1 person

  7. “It is the secret of the world that all things subsist and do not die, but retire a little from sight and afterwards return again.”
    ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
    Saw this and thought of you… you will forever be a part of this world through Gary, your family, friends and readers. 💓

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Sending so much love. Many, many hugs and a rose 🌹. You give me strength daily and I am thankful. In November I have an MRI coming and am always scared but I know I can smile because I have watched you smile and continue to encourage many through your journey. Thank you again and again 💝

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Hi Terry, I have followed your blog for a while now and I’ve wanted to make a comment on your recent posts but haven’t. I don’t know what to say or how to say it but I wanted to leave something here for you to let you know you’re in all our thoughts x

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Terry and Gary,
    I am praying for you both. As well as the rest of your family. Being home has got to be a relief for you Terry. I am thankful that you are able to be in someplace that is more comfortable and peaceful than the hospital. I am thankful that you have time to see your family and friends. I am thankful Gary and you have more time together. I am also thankful you have peace. I may not write much but I read, I pray, and I am sad to know that your time here is coming to an end. You have been a true blessing to me. You have shown me strength, determination and a fight in the human spirit I don’t get to see often.
    I will miss reading updates like I have been blessed to get from you.
    Blessings,
    Amy

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I’m very thankful to have this extra time with you… thank you for continuing to share your journey with us. I’m also relieved that you are more comfortable now being at home. And I think popsicles are da bomb! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I know this sounds silly, but I wish there was something I could do. Something that would help or make the cancer go away. As I try and recover from my own cancer I have survivors guilt. I don’t want you to go….

    Liked by 1 person

  13. My first thought is, there really is no place like home…you look very comfortable and happy to be home, I am so thankful for hospice, they are a wonderful group of medical help, and they will fix you every need and want…I am one that does not want you to leave anytime soon, however been in the medical field and have dealt with end of life clients, I totally understand where you are coming from…please give Gary a hug from me, he is just as wonderful as you,..one day we will slide on the moon beams together and I smile thinking about that….something wonderful to look forward to….sending you lots of love, soft hugs and smiles my friend…xxxXXXxxx

    Liked by 1 person

  14. As always my thoughts are with you. They will always be so.
    Take care of Gary, okay? He’s a good human, a terrific partner. He’s
    lucky to have you in his life. I think you will always be there as well.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Pingback: Gary’s Text | spearfruit

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