Okay, Okay, Okay…. I Believe!

Today when I awoke I was a bit down and got a little emotional (inwardly) thinking once again of the loss of Terry just 104 days ago and of all the physical and emotional suffering that he had to endure and that I had to help him cope with day after day as neither one of us truly knew what the future would hold and that all we could do was hope that things would be okay. I was upset (again inwardly) that Terry’s life had to end the way it did and at such a young age of only 57 years old. I know that outwardly I might appear from my posts to be very happy keeping busy with all the groups of people that I have been meeting while living here in Cocoa Beach, but truly inside I am still hurting alot and very sad and bitter that Terry is no longer here to share with me all that life has to offer. It seems so unfair.

Then early this morning while I was walking back to the RV after picking up some donuts from the club house for my mom for and while still a bit grumpy and depresed, I noticed a stupid black bird perched on the atenna of my RV.  Since these birds are such a nuisance I scared it away. Then I thought for a moment could it be Terry visiting, but I then I blew off that theory and was just glad for now that the bird flew away.

About a hour later, I took a walk to the dumpster to get rid of some trash and wouldn’t you know it, when I returned back to the RV that damn black bird was once again perched on my RV antenna, so I scared it away one again and disputed for the second time that it couldn’t be Terry.

Shortly thereafter I went to the gym and upon returning back to the RV there it was again. THAT DAMN STUPID BLACK BIRD on my RV antenna!!!  It wouldn’t take no for an answer. This time however when I once again attempted to scare the bird away it appeared to be surprised that I was trying to scare it off, but it reluctantly flew away. Then I thought …could it be actually be Terry trying to pay me a visit? Then I thought no…couldn’t be him as he hated these stupid black birds.

I then went back into the RV for a while and shortly therefter I heard a crackling sound coming from outside so I went back outside to see what it was. This time there was no black bird on my RV antenna but when I then looked at my truck…. to my surprise my windshield was covered my with bird poop! See the photo below.

So, here I was denying that this bird was TERRY and I did this 3 times in a row. Then I thought that the poop on my windshield was either a bad joke from Terry or a sign from him to emphasize to me to never doubt his presence when he atttempts to pay a visit to me. They say that bird drippings when they actually fall on you they bring you good luck, so maybe I just need to count my blessings. After all Terry probably wasn’t having the best of days either as first he was scared off by me 3 times and then he came back to see me this time as black bird that both he and I really despised in the past as these birds used to be so bothersome to us around our Dallas home.

For those even remotely religious.. remember the story in the Bible where Jesus told his disciple Peter, that he would deny to the Roman guards one day 3 times that he knew Jesus and that Peter would do this before the Roster
would crow.  I guess that’s kind of what happened to me today except instead of the roster crowing….I got the bird chirping sound and then the bird poop! Okay,Okay,Okay already I will now never again doubt Terry’s presense no matter what he comes back to me to visit as!  Amen.  Luv Gary20171214_0913372087189148.jpg20171214_091331480863390.jpg20171214_09133030150641.jpg20171214_104829660877553.jpg

23 thoughts on “Okay, Okay, Okay…. I Believe!

  1. What a story. I do believe in reincarnation but I guess we will never know. Thanks for sharing. I told my husband that if I ever die before him I will come at night and pull his feet. But I guess until I die, we will know if it’s possible.

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  2. As you told the story I had Saint Peter in my mind. When you have a heart full of grief and sadness it is hard to recognise the signs but Terry understands. I send you warm hugs from France to try and lift your spirits. Christmas is very hard on the grieving. Go softly my friend 🙂

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    • Thanks for your kind words Osyth. I continue to try to live my life for the most part on a positive spin and grateful that I have family around and have made it a point to get out there and do things to keep busy as it does really help, but impossible to not get the thought of Terry really being gone out of my mind, still just doesn’t seem possible. I am constantly reliving my days with him in the back of my mind. Luv Gary

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      • It’s natural. Grief is the sadness of loving. Feeling angry and bitter as well as melancholy and sorrowful, particularly when the end of your loved one’s life was so terribly hard for you to watch, is all part of the bereavement journey. Your loved ones will do all they can to help you through and Terry too when he appears to you to remind you he is there looking after you. But none of that can alter the dreadful fact that you have lost him. I hold you dear in my thoughts, Gary – know that I am always thinking of you. I have left you be whilst you have been so busy with family but I don’t ever forget you. Love to you.

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  3. It is good that you can express the sadness you feel, Gary. We can see that you are trying hard to throw yourself into life – and succeeding – but you are a gentle, sensitive, man so we know what must lie beneath. Like Osyth, I thought of St Peter before you mentioned him. I hope peace will come.

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  4. Derrick, my friend, thanks for your kind thoughts. Yes, it is still a bit tough for me some days but I will continue to move on and live my life as best as I can by remaining busy but I will continue to have fond thoughts in my mind about Terry and our life together that was cut so short. Hard to understand, but I know it is out of my control. Fondly, Gary

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  5. Lovely story Gary… even if it was poop that really got your attention! In all seriousness though Gary, you are still grieving and will continue to grieve, some days are better than others. No matter how great a time you may be having with your friends, the love you and Terry shared will always be with you. 🙂 x

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  6. Im glad you wrote this today Gary. Grief has no time limit and we can send love and support on these days when you need it most. I love all the many ways Terry has sent you love the past few months. 😊

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  7. Gary, your story made me crack up – I’m sure Terry would have enjoyed your retelling of it for all of us. Perhaps he knew we would all enjoy the story you got out of it!

    And I am echoing others, but your grief is understandable and natural. It would be strange if you didn’t have that grief still.

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    • Thanks for checking in. I guess will never know for sure who it was. So hard to really understand what happens to the sprit once someone passes away. I want to believe that they do come back to visit those most closest to them, what else do we have to hang on to but to believe in this. At least it brings some comfort.

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  8. Oh, what an incredible story, Gary! I very much agree with you that it was one of Terry’s appearances at the moment when the pain of losing him was tormenting you the most. He was there to comfort you, no doubt! Take care, dear friend! Sending you blessings and love!

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  9. That would be so Terry….he knows your feelings on the spirit world, and he will and hopefully has made you a believer….your grieving is certainly a sign of healing, you will never, ever forget Terry and he will always be with you everyday in thought and in your heart. He is also showing you he is around making sure your okay. He was and still is a very special loving, caring, gentle man, I am so saddened for what you both had to go through, he often spoke of you and how incredibly grateful he had you in his life to love and be there with him through this journey to demise. I send you hugs and peace for your heart, it will come one day and you will be able to look up and know that he is happy, but still wishing he was standing beside you, but his journey was different than yours in life. I am glad you have surrounded yourself with the love from a mother, I sit here with big hot tears running down my cheeks, as even though have never met you or Terry, I felt the love and friendship from both of you through the writing. Merry Christmas my friend..xxxxxxxkat

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