Post Rewind: Terry Trying to Cope With Pain (written and posted in mid May 2017)

Below are a few excerpts of a previous post and a video that was done by Terry back in mid May 2017. This was done about one month after we first arrived to Tampa and before the staggered farewell visits would begin to occur from Terry’s immediate family members from the mid June thru mid August 2017 timeframe. Keep in mind that what is written by Terry and the video he did was done approximately 3 1/2 months before his passing, when he was still able to get around a bit on his own although experiencing considerable pain. His cancer began to take a real toll on him from this point forward.

Words written by Terry on May 17, 2017:

In today’s post, I write the following –

July of last year in my post ‘Good‘, I wrote the following words –
I honestly feel many people don’t want to hear how others truly feel.

I think out of courtesy to others we ask; especially those that are dealing with a physical illness. If I were to respond to the question differently and say “I feel very bad today, my body hurts and my bladder is burning and I am very tired.”, what would the response be? I do not really know. I doubt I would receive the same response as I do when responding with ‘I am good!”

Back when I wrote that post and up until recently, while in public I would pretend to be healthy, pretend to be happy, pretend to have fun and pretend to be normal.

Those days, they have changed.

I walk slower and usually am bent over – the lower back is always in pain and walking at times is difficult.

Yes, I have been out a little bit to explore the new surroundings in our new location. I take pain medication with me ‘just in case’.

While exploring these new surroundings, I see the other people, the crowds of people who are normal, having fun and seeming healthy and happy.

I have a sense of bitterness, a sense of hatred because these people are normal and living a normal life. These people are having fun and doing things, going about their lives and enjoying their day, each day.

After my exploring of new surroundings in our new location, after walking slower and usually bent over because the lower back is always in pain, I return home. The event of the day, just the walking results in more pain, more pain medication, a bad mood and bitterness.

I don’t enjoy my days, there are very few days I enjoy – I am bitter.

This has become my new normal life.

Video done by Terry on May 18, 2017:

8 thoughts on “Post Rewind: Terry Trying to Cope With Pain (written and posted in mid May 2017)

  1. I remember this so well. I remember feeling so helpless and so angry that he was suffering so much and so humbled that he took the time to explain. He didn’t need to but he took the time. And I remember thinking of you, his main carer, his love having to witness and you must have felt so helpless. I wonder, Gary, if you have thought of trying to share Terry’s story in a broader sense. His bravery and courage in sharing his illness and his end of life was remarkable. I am pretty certain that there are so many people who would benefit, learn, feel comforted in some way by his story. His words are all there. His films are all there. It is simply a matter of finding the write way to get it to a bigger audience. It might also bring you comfort. To feel that his life and untimely death brings comfort and value to others suffering either as they face their own deaths or they face what you had to as the carer. Just a thought, dear Gary. Just a thought.

    Liked by 1 person

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