Ok for a small bit of Humor. Not sure if you’re all having issues with getting toilet paper in the stores around you…but there is absolutely nothing to be found on the shelves here in Florida! This is because all the stupid hoarders out there who have over bought more toilet paper than they needed, have left nothing for everyone else! (What a bunch of inconsiderate A_ _ H_ _ _ s_)! So, now I’m in deep “S_ _ t”! I must now use old newspapers (like they did or still might do in a 3rd world countries) just to take care of essential bodily functions! Let’s just say…it’s “getting a bit ruff around the edges” in the area where the sun doesn’t shine (unless of course you belong to a nudist colony where the sun shines everywhere)!
So, since I didn’t plan ahead very well, I had an idea! I decided to publish a news paper ad in my local neighborhood website here in Clearwater, Fl to get sone immediate help before” the s _ _ t hits the fan!” The ad goes as follows:
Hey Wonderful, Thoughtful, Kind, Giving Neighbors. I am in deep deep “S _ _ t”! I am in desperate and immediate need of toilet paper! Any style, size, color, ply, scent etc. will do..I’m really not that fussy and I’ll take whatever I can get ! All I ask is that the toilet paper you have for me not be used! I might be desperate, but giving me used old dirty toilet paper would be so disgusting! So …Please Please new toilet paper only!!
I am willing to trade with you! I don’t expect to get the toilet paper for nothing. If you give me 6 rolls of your precious, soft, wonderful fresh and much needed toilet paper, I will reward you with a 4 oz bottle of highly sought-after Premium Hand Sanitizer (see pic) that I am so lucky to have and to use as part of our trade. Also, as an added bonus, if your respond back to my request within 15 minutes and to help offset the cost of gas to deliver the toilet paper to me ..I am throwing in a “Brand Name” 2 oz size bottle of Purell Advanced Instant Hand Sanitzer… guaranteed to keep Covid-19 away from you as you travel out there in unprotected territory.
It’s a dangerous world out there right now to move about freely and without fear, so please remain safe and cognizant of the potential positive carriers around you! Don’t trust anyone and keep your distance!
Make sure you bring me the toilet paper quickly before you get potentially get sick, come down with symptoms and have to go under quarantine! Then I’d be screwed! Thanks in advance for your help and consideration to take care of me while you’re still able to!
Please Note: The picture in the background of my Ad is not included in the trade! I need it for my motivation to know that one day the beaches will reopen and all will be well!
Please private message me to coordinate the exchange. My “A _ _ H _ _e” will be forever greatful!
Ok.. Now for a little extra added fun. For those of you who are familiar with the Charmin Toilet Paper adds with the Bears… you have got to Watch “Charmin Bears Enjoy The Go Funny Toilet Paper Commercials” on YouTube. This is so funny and absolutely brilliant!
Ah…these were the good old days …when all things were plentiful ! Pre Covid-19 that is!.. Lets squash the bug!!!.
Hey…Just had another great idea… Ok so we all know we are supposed to be using hand sanitizer to keep the bug away or to destroy it should it land on our skin. So why doesn’t someone just make a “bug” zillion cans of aerosol hand spray and then ensure one can was distributed to every living being on this earth. Then at a specified and agreed upon universal time all people in the world would go outside and begin spraying all areas within a 12 foot radius of themselves. Then the entire world would all be hand-sanitized at the same time and all the damn viral bugs would die off once and for all!
When we are sll spraying our hand sanitzers we can make it even a little bit more fun. Why don’t we blare that famous theme song from the old “Ghost Busters” movie. Then as the song comes on and as we are dancing in the streets and spraying our aerosol hand sanotizer cans, as that famous line comes on that says “who ya going to call….the world can shout out “Bug” busters (instead of “Ghost”Busters). Would be so cool!
Ok Ok …I know I’m getting way too carried away here but aren’t we having fun and you are laughing a bit by now?
Ok one last thing (I promise). If we could all do this world-wide simultaneous “bug riding” endeavor on or befire this comming Saturday…then we could “kill two bugs with one stone” and sucessfully achieve President Trump’s vision for the U.S. and possibly the world as a whole when he stated last week”Wouldn’t it be a beatiful thing if we could all go to our churches on Easter Sunday and give thanks to the Lord for performing a miracle and helping us to rid the bug once and for all”! The church bells would be ringing in joy for our resurrection back into a safe, loving and carefree world!
The End…good night!