Brotherly Transformations

Still more came to visit.

As mentioned in this past weekend’s posts, I had more family visitors.

The trip was planned for some time, and I did not foresee myself being in the hospital.  But there I was and here they came and we made the best of it.  This family visit involved my oldest brother, his wife and their daughter and son.  Gary, the usual host with the most; never skipped a beat and helped make the best of their time here when not visiting me in the hospital.  Really, who wants to go to Florida and spend their time at the hospital?

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Image Provided by: Kyrene Foundation

With the arrival of Monday came my brother and his family’s departure.  We were not able to spend a great deal of time together, but that time together was important for all of us.  They needed to see and visit with me just as much as I needed to see and visit with them.

As with all the previous family visits, there were tears, honestly, openness and the knowing that this time spent together could very well be our last time together.

Monday morning, it was only my brother to come visit me one more time before heading back home to Texas.  This brotherly time together, just us two together and talking about our relationship through the years was important.  This time together to share a hug and say, ‘I love you’ without feeling embarrassed and uneasy is what I believe to be the conclusion of a lifetime brotherly relationships and brotherly transformations.

We both came full circle in this relationship of ours and we departed knowing the love we have for each other is strong, real and sincere.

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The previous years and years of what use to be our brotherly relationship was transformed on Monday.  A new brotherly relationship like none other we had experienced over the years.

Why wait until the last minute for these transformations?

I have no answers; I guess that is just life.

I love you brother and your family and thank you for visiting me.

You are important to me, as is our brotherly transformations.

let’s go celebrate

One year ago, today we left.

One year ago, today was his ‘big’ day.

But the leaving overshadowed his ‘big’ day.

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One year ago, today I published a post ‘Yes, today is the day we celebrate.‘, in which I wrote the following words –

You know what today is?  How could you forget, I have written about it for weeks and months now.

Yes, today is the day the new owners sign papers to buy our home.

Yes, today is the day we leave our home for the last time.

Yes, today is the day we make our way to Pensacola, Florida.

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Yes, today is the day we celebrate.

In today’s post, I write the following words –

One year ago, today we left Dallas immediately after signing papers of the sale of our house.

One year ago, today was his ‘big’ day; it was Gary’s 60th birthday.

But the leaving overshadowed his ‘big’ day; there was no cake or ice cream.

Today let’s celebrate Gary’s 61st birthday!

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Happy Birthday Gary.  You my husband and partner, my caretaker and friend, my rock of support.  You bring meaning to my life, my heart and soul.

For this I adore you and love you.

Happy 61th Birthday!

Now let’s go celebrate.

Weekend Spent with Sister

You may remember in my post last week ‘Who is next?‘, I wrote the following –

This coming Friday, my twin sister and my mom will be visiting.

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Image Provided by: welcometosister.com

In today’s post, I write the following –

Because I will be spending time with my twin sister this weekend, I decided to take it easy here on WP.

I disabled comments for this post; I hope you don’t mind.

Thank you for stopping by today to read, and even though you are unable to leave a comment, you can still ‘Like’ my post.

Happy Weekend Everyone!

Weekend Spent with Mom

You may remember in my post last week ‘Who is next?‘, I wrote the following –

This coming Friday, my twin sister and my mom will be visiting.

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Image Provided by: Pixabay

In today’s post, I write the following –

Because I will be spending time with my mom this weekend, I decided to take it easy here on WP.

I disabled comments for this post; I hope you don’t mind.

Thank you for stopping by today to read, and even though you are unable to leave a comment, you can still ‘Like’ my post.

Happy Weekend Everyone!

Who is next?

In my post ‘Phone Calls‘, I wrote the following –

So, the news of my cancer spreading and growing was received on a Friday; and Saturday Gary made a couple of calls.

He called my twin sister and he called my stepmom.  Why call these two family members?

My stepmom is the caretaker of my dad who has Parkinson’s Disease.  My dad’s health has deteriorated a great deal in the past couple of years.

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Image Provided by: Kyrene Foundation

At times, it is very difficult to understand his speech and because of the medications he is on; he sleeps a lot.  My stepmom has been a part of the family for over 30 years and is in contact with my siblings.  Gary knew in talking with her, she in turn would talk with my siblings.

My twin sister, being the only female sibling, has a close relationship with my mom – they live in the same city.  Gary did not want to call my mom directly as he was concerned about upsetting her, plus a sensitive matter was to be discussed and Gary felt it coming from her daughter, my twin sister would be better received from mom.

In today’s post, I write the following –

Do you remember Father’s Day weekend?  My 3 sons surprised me with a visit that weekend.  It was an emotional weekend for all of us as we chatted about my current health situation.

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Image Provided by: Board of Wisdom

I was honest with them and they know the seriousness of my cancer and the ways it is invading my body and what we are doing to fight back.  They saw me at my worse; just a shell of a man who is weak, but still strong.  You can read more about our special weekend in my post ‘Father & Sons‘.

A couple of weeks after my son’s visit, my dad and stepmom came to visit.  They spent a week and I had many special moments with my dad, moments I will not forget.  You can read more about their visit in my post ‘Chats, Tears & Love‘.

Do I have other family members coming to visit?  Well, since you asked –

This coming Friday, my twin sister and my mom will be visiting.  Another important visit I am looking forward to because my mom and I are close.  I have written many posts about the importance she is to me.  This will be an emotional visit because my mom, she worries like most moms do and I think she feels helpless.

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Image Provided by: Quotes Pictures – QuotesPie.com

My sister and I are twins and therefore we have a special bond.  I believe if that bond were broken in anyway, there would be a great loss there.  My sister has revealed to me she is heartbroken and upset.

This weekend I will have special visits with special family members; both have been important to me throughout my life and especially now.

Chats, Tears & Love

Last month, in my post ‘Phone Calls‘, I wrote the following –

(note: since the very beginning of my journey with my cancer, all procedures and tests and treatments; all resulted in bad news.  I have not once received good news in the past 1 ½ years.  NOT ONCE)

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Image Provided by: Emedicine Medscape

So, the news of my cancer spreading and growing was received on a Friday; and Saturday Gary made a couple of calls.

What was discussed in these phone calls?

Gary was honest and sincere and direct.  He was caring and sensitive and calm.  He called these 2 people to let them know the truth concerning my current health situation.  He told them I am in a great deal of pain to the point I am using a cane to help me walk.  He told them I have lost almost 40 lbs. and my appetite is not always the best.  He told them the results of the latest scan.

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Image Provided by: Kyrene Foundation

He told them what is to come with regards to my future treatment and the slim possibility of positive results.  He told them more than likely we would not make it to Texas for Thanksgiving.  He told them he felt it important that they (my family) consider making plans to visit me here in Florida.

In today’s post, I write the following –

You remember last month on Father’s Day weekend, I received a surprise visit from my 3 sons?  My heart was happy and the time spent together that weekend is priceless.  It was by far the best Father’s Day I have ever had.

I just recently had more visitors that left yesterday after a weeklong visit.   My dad and stepmom drove from Texas to come visit me.  The time spent with my dad was special and I feel a closeness to him I have never felt before.  We chatted about our relationship and the mistakes we made along the way, and the love we have for each other.  We talked about my current health situation and we cried together and he provided me support only a dad can.

The weeklong visit was fun, special and very emotional and one I will never forget.  My dad has Parkinson’s that has progressed in recent years; he is lovingly taken care of by my stepmom.  She is an amazing lady, who I have great respect for.  I know my dad is in good hands with her, just like I am in good hands with Gary.

Image3Thank you dad, for taking the time to visit me.

I love you,

Terry

Father & Sons

So many unexpected events have happened the last 2 weeks; and I was so totally un-prepared for them.

Saturday, June 17th in my post ‘unexpectedly‘, I wrote the following words –

Yesterday afternoon, I was alone resting. 

Suddenly the door opens and there was an unexpected surprise.

I am disabling comments my friends, because I need time away from WP today.

You know my appreciation for you all is great and never ending.

Thank you my friends for allowing me to take a day off.

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In today’s post, I write the following –

Upon the door opening, my Son #2 and his wife walk in.  I instantly break down with emotions and tears; and stand to give my Son #2 a big hug and a big kiss on the cheek.  “What are you doing here?”, I ask.  “We wanted to come down and spend Father’s Day with you.”  With more emotions and tears I let him know the importance of his unexpected visit and what it means to me.  We spend that Friday evening in the RV because, they are tired having started early that morning and I am not feeling well at all.

The very next day Saturday, I continue to not feel well; I am unable to walk on my right leg without using a cane and many other parts of my body are hurting.  With my pain medications just recently increased, I am tired and drowsy, but do my best to stay alert.

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Image Provided by: Meaningful Ideas

That afternoon, Son #2 and Gary leave to run an errand and my lovely daughter-in-law spend time together talking about what is going on with me and I open up some about my feelings with her and how I feel about it all.

After some time, the door opens and Son #2, informs me he has something for me.  I look his way, and following him are my Son #1 and Son #3.  Now the water works are flowing full force and as I rise to be at their level, the legs are wobbly and my back is bent forward – but the hugs and kisses are sturdy, strong and sincere.

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What an honor to have all 3 sons here to celebrate Father’s Day with me.

We spend several hours talking and catching up and I let them know I am not feeling well and it may be difficult for me to go out and about.  They respond letting me know they are here to see me, not to go out and about to do other things.  So my 3 sons and 1 lovely daughter-in-law, Gary and I sit in the RV and talk.  The subject matter of my health is discussed and the severity of it.  I expressed many internal feelings to my sons, letting them know I did my best as a father given the circumstances.  I let them know the importance of my love I have for them.  We talk about life, relationships, and my cancer.

20170416_194313 (2)The weekend proceeds with most of our time spend in the RV.  My pain level is high and my right leg is in bad shape when trying to walk.

We all had a wonderful weekend; the best Father’s Day ever!

A Grown Man

Today is son #1’s birthday and he is 35 years old today.  When any of my son’s birthday come around, I am always amazed.  I am amazed these once little boys are now grown men.

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Image Provided by: Wikimedia Commons

Where did the time go?

For me I once recalled the thought of time slowly passing by and therefore the many years to live would take a while to come and go.  I remember having these thoughts in my teenage years while going through the routine of school, work, some play and passing of dull days.

That slowly passing time continued and life event changes came and went and there was a marriage and babies were created and a divorce took place, not to mention a serious depression, and suicide attempts.

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Image Provided by: dropalia.com

During those life event changes, those created babies who grew into little boys have now grown into men.

Where did the time go?

Son #1 is 35 years old today.

I loved you when you were created and as a little boy, and I continue to love you now as a grown man.

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Image Provided by: Dissolve

My love for you has never changed and never will.

Happy Birthday Son #1,

Dad

(NOTE: I am still in the hospital having my pain managed.  My hopes are that I will be released tomorrow (Sunday))

her words, her love

2015, I started my blog on the 13th, so I missed Mother’s Day because it was on the 10th of that year.

2016, my post ‘about you, moms!‘, was dedicated to you the moms who follow my blog.

2017, I dedicate this special day to my mom.  I have written many posts about her and the importance of her is my life.  To recognize her for just one day is not enough.

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I wrote in last year’s Mother’s Day post –

I have written several posts about my mom and her importance in my life.  You can read more about her in these posts ‘Thanks Mom!‘, ‘Magnificent‘ and ‘Happy Birthday Mom‘.  She also has been mentioned in other posts as she was my main support during my years of major depression.  She is important to me and I truly think she is the best mom in the world! 

Since last year’s Mother’s Day post, I have also wrote this post about my mom ‘My mom, she worries‘.

My mom does worry as I think most moms do about their children.  She knows I am sick with a disease that is significant.  And at times on our phone conversations she will cry, I do not want her to, but she does.  I know I am important to her just as much as she is important to me.

But, 2 days ago, this past Friday, it was my turn to cry.  I called my mom because I needed her.  The pain level was high that day and I was having difficulty dealing with it and being optimistic about the future.  I cried on the phone to my mom and told her I was feeling tired and weak and worn down.  I don’t know how I was going to continue on.  I was showing my weakness to my mom and I told her I always want to show strength in dealing with my cancer and the affects it is having on my body.

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Image Provided by: WallpapersCraft

She told me no one can bear this much weight without showing some weakness every once in a while.  She said to let it out, let go of the frustrations and worries.  As I cried, I felt comfort in her words, my mom’s words have helped me many times in my life, her words, her love; they provide me something that no one else can give me.  That is my mom, my biggest supporter and encourager; she has always helped me during difficult times in my life as she continues to do so today.

Happy Mother’s Day Mom!

‘busy days’

In my post ‘ESTRANGED‘, I concluded with the following –

One of my sons calls on a regular basis – thank you son.  The other two sons do not call me and in the past I would call them, but now no longer do I call.

These 2 sons I saw at Thanksgiving and they were aware of my surgery.  These 2 sons I have not heard from since my surgery.  These 2 sons I have not spoken with since Thanksgiving.

Are we estranged?

Again, I just do not understand why?

In the past, I had asked myself, what did I do or not do to deserve the absence from my life; the no communication and the appearance of not caring?

Again, I refuse to blame myself any longer.

Again, I refuse to cry anymore tears.

But it does still bothers me, more so today, because my life has changed, my health has changed.

In today’s post, I write the following –

Since I wrote that post, these 2 sons I have not spoken with since Thanksgiving reached out to me.  Once of them called me on my birthday, the other did not acknowledge it.  The one that did call on my birthday, he apologized for not calling earlier.

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Image Provided by: Markus Kasunich

He indicated he has been extremely busy and though that is not a good excuse, he has had much to do and did not find the time.  We caught up with each other and I provided him the update on my health and treatment.  Me knowing this son, it will be awhile before I hear from him again.

Then one evening, I was surprised when my phone rang and it was my son #1.  I was already in bed and in extreme pain and therefore I did not answer it.  The next day I texted him and told him I appreciated him calling and he could back the upcoming weekend.  I received no text back and I did not receive a phone call.  This did not surprise me or upset me, I am used to this typical routine.  So, I waited about a week and called him and we did finally connect and chatted for a while.  Again, same as other son, he is extremely busy and though that is not a good excuse, he has had much to do and did not find the time.  We caught up with each other and I provided him the update on my health and treatment.  Me knowing this son, it will be awhile before I hear from him again.

I know my son’s lives are busy, I believe them.  There was a time in my life where I was busy also working many hours and little time for other things in life.

Back during my ‘busy days’, we did not have smartphones.

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Image Provided by: Quotes Pictures – QuotesPie.com

Yes, we had cellphones, but they were not smart.  And though I was very busy with work, I always made time to call my parents and my sons.  Today I feel there is no excuse to have some sort of communication with someone.

Gone are the days where our communication were letters and phone calls from land lines.

There are many forms of communication today – a simple text is easy and fast.

I do not always need a phone call, a text will do – but I guess they are too busy to do that also.