let’s go celebrate

One year ago, today we left.

One year ago, today was his ‘big’ day.

But the leaving overshadowed his ‘big’ day.

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One year ago, today I published a post ‘Yes, today is the day we celebrate.‘, in which I wrote the following words –

You know what today is?  How could you forget, I have written about it for weeks and months now.

Yes, today is the day the new owners sign papers to buy our home.

Yes, today is the day we leave our home for the last time.

Yes, today is the day we make our way to Pensacola, Florida.

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Yes, today is the day we celebrate.

In today’s post, I write the following words –

One year ago, today we left Dallas immediately after signing papers of the sale of our house.

One year ago, today was his ‘big’ day; it was Gary’s 60th birthday.

But the leaving overshadowed his ‘big’ day; there was no cake or ice cream.

Today let’s celebrate Gary’s 61st birthday!

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Happy Birthday Gary.  You my husband and partner, my caretaker and friend, my rock of support.  You bring meaning to my life, my heart and soul.

For this I adore you and love you.

Happy 61th Birthday!

Now let’s go celebrate.

A Grown Man

Today is son #1’s birthday and he is 35 years old today.  When any of my son’s birthday come around, I am always amazed.  I am amazed these once little boys are now grown men.

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Image Provided by: Wikimedia Commons

Where did the time go?

For me I once recalled the thought of time slowly passing by and therefore the many years to live would take a while to come and go.  I remember having these thoughts in my teenage years while going through the routine of school, work, some play and passing of dull days.

That slowly passing time continued and life event changes came and went and there was a marriage and babies were created and a divorce took place, not to mention a serious depression, and suicide attempts.

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During those life event changes, those created babies who grew into little boys have now grown into men.

Where did the time go?

Son #1 is 35 years old today.

I loved you when you were created and as a little boy, and I continue to love you now as a grown man.

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Image Provided by: Dissolve

My love for you has never changed and never will.

Happy Birthday Son #1,

Dad

(NOTE: I am still in the hospital having my pain managed.  My hopes are that I will be released tomorrow (Sunday))

57 Today

Gary, Roxy and I hooked the RV on the truck and moved to Tampa a day early.

That took place yesterday and because of it, I am a little late on reading your posts and responding to comments.

I promise to catch-up today.

So, here is a little video of that travel from yesterday, and something important about today.

My mom, she worries

Today is my mom’s birthday!

Image1What can I say about mom, that I have not already written about here on my blog?

Oh, you may have missed some of my past words about mom?

Well, since you asked?

Here are some excerpts from past posts about my mom, a special lady in my life –

Post: Thoughts From Years Past.18

….I once called my mom pleading for her to leave work and come help me.  Mom was there for me, helping me get through a tough time as I found in the years to follow she would do on a consistent selfless basis.

Post: My Time in a Psychiatric Hospital

I looked forward to those visitations because each time I knew my mom would be there – not once did she miss coming to visit me.

Post: Thanks Mom!

My mom may not have always understood me and my actions; but she has always supported me.  She has never questioned my choices in life even when those choices were bad ones and she has always been there to help pick me up so I can continue to move forward. 

Post: Happy Birthday Mom

She was there for me in the most difficult dark days of my life and literally saved me and my life.  She has never failed to be available for me in so many ways, so many times, for so many years.

Post: Magnificent

My mom is splendid, grand and outstanding.  But more importantly she’s understanding, unconditional, accepting and loving.

In my post ‘Mother Mary‘, I wrote the following –

I made my mom cry the other day.  It upset me that she was crying; she was crying because she knows I am going to go through a major surgery to have my bladder removed and some other organs removed, and that my life will be different.  And, I guess as a parent we don’t like to see our child suffer; we don’t want to see our child struggle and we don’t want to see our child go through certain situations.

In today’s post, I want to conclude with the following words –

When I visited my family last month for Thanksgiving and it was time for me to say goodbye to my mom – I made my mom cry again.  Image3Well, I did not make her cry, she cried because she knew what was going to take place very soon.  Thanksgiving would be the last time my mom and I would be together before my surgery.  My mom, she worries – and so she cried when it was time to say our goodbyes.  I hugged her and told her not to worry, it all would be fine; it is all good, I will be okay.

I write this post, thinking she may never see these words, but she knows how I feel about her – I have never hesitated to let her know.

Love you mom – happy birthday!

Terry

Brother, it may be the chromosomes

I wrote a post back in September titled ‘Brothers‘, in which I ended with the following words –

The years preceding today, for the brothers, it was not always easy to embrace compassion, love and expression.

I think they are changing – what a nice birthday present for us all.

Happy Birthday Brothers.

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Image Provided by: vord.dvrlists.com

In today’s post, I write the following words –

This brother and I: maybe what we do not have in common is our chromosomes?

Today is my 2nd oldest brother’s birthday.  This brother and I have had little contact for most of our lives.  We seemed to have had very little in common for most of our years, and we still do in many ways.  But as we have grown older we have changed and come to realize as many people do; life is short.  The very little we have in common is no longer important, and now that we are becoming older – we realize what we do have in common.

We have the same father, who is starting to diminish due to Parkinson’s Disease.  We have a mother who is doing well, but has had her share of health issues the past several years.  Our parents are in their early 80s and us kids know this and realize as our parents are aging, so are we.  And I guess as many people age; sometimes our thinking changes, sometimes our attitude changes and in the case of my brother who I have very little in common with – so is our relationship changing.

This change came about recently and most likely due to my health issues.  Yes, I know, the recent health issue should not be a reason to bring us closer, we should have always been closer.  I think many families are not perfect and my siblings would agree with me when I say our family certainly is not perfect – far from it.  Being an imperfect family is fine with me and I am okay with my 2nd oldest brother and I becoming closer as I battle with my health issues.

I performed a search about why brothers can be different and not have much in common.  I was unsure what I was looking for with my search results and I certainly was not expecting clear-cut answers.  The results I did receive has our differences coming down to chromosomes and gene sequences.

For my 2nd oldest brother and I; well I think no matter our chromosomes or gene sequences or what very little in common we had; they still exist.  But I believe it is what we have in common that brings us closer together.  Parents, aging, health issues, changes in thinking, changes in attitude – that is what is bringing us closer.

I am good with having the improved relationship with this brother – he is important to me.

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Image Provided by: quotesgram.com

I embrace you and I love you.

So 2nd oldest brother, you may never see this blog or read these words – I am thankful our relationship is better than it ever has been.

Happy Birthday Brother!

A state of mind

I now call myself old.

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Image Provided by: http://www.jarofquotes.com

They say age is nothing but a number and a state of mind.

I now call myself old.

I googled ‘you know you’re old when quotes’, and received many different results.

buzzfeed.com has a list 56 Signs That You’re Definitely Getting Old(er) that includes the following –

You consider going to the post office as a “busy weekend.”

Crowded places easily frustrate you.

You wake up early on days you can sleep in.

You get teary-eyed during wedding scenes in movies.

You cannot believe people were born in the 2000s.

The celebrities at the Kids’ Choice Awards are complete strangers to you.

You just like to sit down sometimes.

Yes, I now call myself old.  But it is just a state of mind, right?

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Image Provided by: http://www.jarofquotes.com

My son #3’s birthday is today; he is 30 years old today.  I remember when he and my other ‘boys’ were born, then toddlers and preschoolers; and I remember when they were teenagers.  It does not seem long ago, they were going to school, playing soccer and marching in the high school marching band.  Time continues on, never stopping for any reason and then one day the younger one; son #3 turns 30 years old.  Yes, I now call myself old.

When I turned 30 only 26 years ago, I remember feeling middle aged.  I can remember feeling good about my life, my age and looking forward to what life had to offer.  Fast forward and now all my sons are in their 30s, I wonder how they feel about that?  I have not asked them how they feel about being in their 30s; I would be curious to know.

I realize age is nothing but a number and a state of mind.  But, I now call myself old.

I do consider going anywhere on any day a busy day and crowded places do frustrate me at times.  Every day I can sleep in, but I do not; I always wake early.  I do get teary-eyed during wedding scenes in movies as well as many other scenes especially the movies on the Hallmark Channel.

Are there people that were really born in the 2000s and since when did kids have their own award show?

Many times I just like to sit and think and reflect.  I often reflect on life, my life, my sons and the current day’s events.

I now call myself old because today all 3 of my sons are in their 30s.

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Image Provided by: http://www.pinterest.com

But, I realize age is nothing but a number and a state of mind.

Happy 30th Birthday Son #3.

Dad’s Birthday

Today is my dad’s birthday.

Dad has lived 83 years on this earth today.

The purpose of this post was to write something profound.  A post about this special day; the day my dad was born.

I googled ‘birthday’, ‘why celebrate birthdays’ and ‘what is a birthday’, and I received many different results back.  Some of the results included websites of different religions and the reasons for celebrating one’s birthday.  Other results included websites that sell birthday related products and services such as Hallmark and Dave & Busters.  And then there are other websites with articles related to birthdays such as ‘Why Do We Blow Out Candles on Birthday Cakes?’, ‘Best Birthday Gifts For Boyfriend 2016’ and ‘Birthday Do’s & Don’ts’.

Well there was not anything I found as a result of my search that appeared to be profound, so let us move on.

Birthdays are important!

Dad’s birthday is important!

Dad and I go back a long way; back decades and the relationship was not always good, not always easy – but the foundation that kept us going was always love.

There are many posts I have written about dad – (if you are interested in reading – clicking the title link below will take to that post)

My Dad Who Taught Me Plenty

One’s dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked…

I understand the words ‘I love you’

Anger Towards My Dad

A Letter From Dad

We Darn Near Lost Him

not many handshakes going on these days.

The shell of a man

The transformation of our relationship has evolved over the past 50+ years and today is one of meaning for both of us.  I know my dad felt years ago as I have felt in previous years; we failed as a father, we made mistakes, but we did our best.  Dad and I are very much a like even though we are very different.  Dad and I are dealing with health issues and we handle them the best we can, positive attitude and dealing with our illness one day at a time.

My dad and I are not the best patients: we both complain and we are both referred to as ‘a bitch’.  LOL, we really are, that is us – my dad and I.

Back to the foundation that kept us going – love.

Love may not always be displayed in ways we usually expect them.  My experience so far is love blooms as we grow older and though in the previous years it was not displayed in the usually fashion, it certainly is being displayed that way today.

My dad displays his love for me and I display my love for my dad.

You may recognize the right half of the picture below, as I display it many times here on my blog.  I decided today to display the whole picture; the picture that completes me.

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Happy Birthday Dad.

Love you,

Terry

Brothers

In my post ‘not many handshakes going on these days.‘, I concluded with the following –

Today, I hug and kiss my dad always without hesitation and the response is welcomed.  I do not kiss my brothers, but we do hug now – not many handshakes going on these days.

The first hug and kiss to my dad – I remember that day as if it were yesterday.

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In today’s post I begin with the following –

Today is my oldest brother’s birthday; he reaches 61 years today.  I have written very little about my twin sister and almost nothing about my brothers.  It is not that they are not important; it is I feel they do not necessarily play an important role in my life, the history of me, the current me, that which is me and is my life.

As mentioned in the above post, I do not kiss my brothers, but we do hug now – not many handshakes going on these days.

Recently, well these past several months; the relationship with my brothers has changed some.  Before Gary and I left Dallas last month, we had dinner with family including my oldest brother, the birthday brother.  As we ended our gathering, he asked about me and my condition and the expectations for the future.  I provided him the information I knew at that point, which did not include the chemotherapy that I am now undertaking.  At that time departing from dinner, he gave me a brotherly hug and said, I love you!  First time for my oldest brother to speak those words to me.

Since that night, there was another conversation on the phone and the same words were spoken to end the discussion.

I have always embraced compassion, love and expression.  Each one of these aspects of us is important, not just for us, but to others also.  My dad and brothers not always easy for them, are coming around to embrace these same aspects.  I believe it is never too late to express the importance of compassion, love and expression.

There is the other brother; another older sibling, the one for which him and I have had basically a non-existent relationship for most of our lives.  We are different, or so we thought until much later in life, that life in times that is now.  We rarely speak on the phone and actually see each other in person less often, very seldom and more often rarely.  We have had a couple of phone conversations in the past month, and spoke more to each other than we have in the past 5 years.

Last week, we ended our phone conversation and before we disconnected, there was a pause, nothing spoken, just a pause.  I felt him and I wanted to say something more, to end the conversation differently than we always have.  The time was not right, not yet, but it may be the next time it will be.

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Image Provided by: quotesgram.com

The years preceding today, for the brothers, it was not always easy to embrace compassion, love and expression.

They are changing – what a nice birthday present for us all.

Happy Birthday Brothers.

Yes, today is the day we celebrate.

You know what today is?  How could you forget, I have written about it for weeks and months now.

Yes, today is the day the new owners sign papers to buy our home.

Yes, today is the day we leave our home for the last time.

Yes, today is the day we make our way to Pensacola, Florida.

Yes, today is the day we celebrate.

BUT WAIT – THERE IS MORE!

Today is much more than the end of a chapter and a start of a new one.

Today is not just a day to celebrate the ending and starting of chapters!

Most importantly, today is Gary’s Birthday!

Yes, today is the day we celebrate.

Yes, Gary is celebrating his birthday today.  Gary is 60 years old, or young depending on how you look at it.  Unfortunately, because of leaving our home of 13 ½ years and traveling to Pensacola, we are not having any type of party.  At the time this post is published we will be signing documents at the title company and then we will hit the road.  We will drive 288 miles to Monroe, Louisiana which should take us about 5 to 6 hours.  We mostly likely will stop several times which will add time to our trip.  Once we are in Monroe, we will stay in an RV park and rest for our next longer drive tomorrow.

So no party for Gary’s birthday today.  But maybe this weekend once we visit Gary’s mother and younger brother, we will have a party and celebrate then.  After all, he is only 60 once in his life.  A 60th birthday is a big deal – a major event.  Gary has lived a full life and has accomplished more in life than certainly many others.  If you have time, please read some posts I have written about him.

My Life Partner Does!

I Smile and Chuckle

…and I trust him.

Meet My Husband

Gary is a wonderful person that puts up with me for reasons that are unknown to me – I am fortunate to have this person in my life.

So no birthday party today as we leave our home for the last time and make our way to Pensacola.  Maybe along the way to Monroe today, we will stop to eat and have some cake and/or ice cream.

Significant day today; the home changes ownership and Gary turns 60.

Yes, today is the day we celebrate.

Happy Birthday Gary,

Love you!