You make the sun shine brighter

My friends the last couple of days I have had unexpected change in plans.

After my appointment this past Tuesday with Dr. C., he decided to admit me into the hospital.

Since then, much has taken place and these next several days I have more family coming to visit.

I plan to post everyday – this is my goal.

For the next 3 days, I have a favor to ask.

I need some rest, some time to catchup on me.

Comments are disabled today.

I plan to post everyday – this is my goal.

I leave you with some lyrics and a song that make me smile.

Some lyrics from “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” –

You take the grey skies out of my way (do do)

You make the sun shine brighter than Doris Day

Turned a bright spark into a flame (yeah yeah)

My beats per minute never been the same

No Response

My category ‘Pictures & Stories’ are posts with me writing a fictional, creative short story about a picture.

No Response

No Response –

Geo had moved to the new city just a few months ago.  As he walked down the street he thought that was him.  But years had passed since their last encounter and it did not end as planned.  He was standing there reading the paper, minding his own business.  Geo wanted to stop, but the years had passed; did that time heal the wounds?

Would he still hold hard feelings?

Geo had to take the chance, it may not come again.

As Geo walked toward him, he did not move, and gave no sign that anyone was approaching.  Geo placed his hand on his should and the chatting began.

There was no response and there would be none.

Why Not?

When I decided to start blogging, I had no idea what I was doing or where it would lead me.  I just started writing my early life memories, really in hopes my sons would read it someday.  I still have plans to give them this site where they can read about me and my life – but I am not quite ready yet.  So, the writing of blog posts began with those early life memories and few other subjects – and then cancer decided to be a part of my life.  This cancer has become my cancer; it belongs to me and no one else and does what it wants to my body.

Image3

Image Provided by: combiboilersleeds.com

In my post ‘no answers’, I wrote about finally asking the questions.  You know; the ‘why’ questions.

“Why?”, “Why me?”, “What did I do to deserve this?”

I received many supportive, encouraging and beneficial comments.  I feel very grateful of the many wonderful friends I have here on WP, truly I do.

One of those friends Su, responded with the following comment –

As humans we have this overwhelming need to make sense of the world, but the awful reality I think, is that often there is no sense. No reason or logic, and sometimes absolutely no justice — or you would not be going through all this. I think in the end we need to look not for reasons but for useful beliefs — whatever gets us through. Sending love and hugs to you and Gary.

I responded with the following –

Yes, I totally understand where you are coming from. I am getting to that point now – not trying to find the reasons, but what are the useful beliefs and benefits. Thanks Su for an inspiring comment, you are a true friend.

Comments from other friends suggested I not ask “Why?”, but instead ask “Why Not?”

Wow, this got me thinking about, well – everything.

My mind has always believed everything happens for a reason – both good and bad.  Now, with my cancer and the extreme pain I am experiencing, my emotions are asking the “Why?” questions.

And your comments my friends bring me back to thinking about what my mind believes and not what my emotions are asking.

Everything happens for a reason – both good and bad.  So, Why not?

20170416_194313It may be there is something I can learn from this?  My cancer and my extreme pain is a tough lesson to learn something from.  They are both beating me down, draining my energy and trying to break my spirit.  It is difficult, but again I change my question to; Why not?

What am I learning from this horrible experience that is changing my views?  Why not use it to benefit me?

I find myself talking to ‘God’ or the ‘Higher Power’ or the ‘Supreme Being’ more.  I have not spoken or reached out to any of these in a very long time.

I am displaying to Gary more gratitude.  We have been together for over a decade and I took things for granted.  I no longer do this.  Gary, my caretaker is very important to me and I display more gratitude.  I say, ‘Thank you’ more and I let him know I appreciate him and would not be able to do this alone.  And more so than ever I say, ‘I love you’ and follow it with a kiss.

There is a ‘God’ or ‘Higher Power’ or ‘Supreme Being’; there is Gary and Su; there are all of you my friends, my supporters, my cheerleaders and my encouragers.

So, ‘Why not?’

unexpectedly

Yesterday afternoon, I was alone resting.

Suddenly the door opens and there was an unexpected surprise.

Image1

Image Provided by: Board of Wisdom

I am disabling comments my friends, because I need time away from WP today.

You know my appreciation for you all is great and never ending.

Thank you my friends for allowing me to take a day off.

Image2

Image Provided by: The View From A Slightly Twisted Angle

286,750

Today is the 24th month of my blog!  My anniversary post is something different than the usual posts I write.

WAIT!!

It is not just 24 months, but 2 years!

Multiple Awards Border

When I started this blog 2 years ago today, I had no idea where I was going with it and where it would take me.

I just decided at that time 2 years ago I wanted to write about my life; after all I had been thinking about it for; well, all my life.

For this post, I debated on whether I should reveal to you my stats, are they really important?  Do you really care about them?

I do look at my stats, but I don’t put a great deal of time into analyzing them.

Life11

But, it is 2 years today that I have been writing about my life – so I must give some sort of figure that is significant to what I am doing here on WP.

These are the only stats I am revealing –

I have written 752 posts.

If I were to count the words in those post (and I did), it would be 286,750.  (yes, I actually went back to verify the word count – OCD?)

My goal for year 1 – to publish one post per day.  I easily accomplished this goal with some days publishing 2 posts.

My goal for year 2 – again to publish one post per day, I again easily accomplished this goal because my cancer gave me more to write about.

image2

Image Provided by: http://www.cafepress.com

My goal for year 3 – I am unsure as of today it I can publish one post per day.  It is not that I do not have enough to write about, it is about finding the time.  You might think to yourself since I do not work, I would have plenty of time on my hands – and I do.

The problem is because of my cancer and the effects it is having on me, I am needing to rest more, somedays all day.  Much of my time right now is consumed with rest and sleep and that takes away from my writing.  Plus, the pain pills I am on make me drowsy and this is affecting my concentration and overall thinking.

So, I am making no promises about publishing one post a day.  I have a few ideas about making it easier for me to do so; we shall see if I can incorporate these ideas soon.  Again, my time is being stolen by rest and sleep and the concentration skills are lacking.

So, year 3 begins today and never would I have imagined I would make it this far.  I never imagined I would have written 752 posts.  I never imagined I would write 286,750 words.

I also never would have imagined I would have cancer.

I refer to it as my cancer, because it belongs to no one else, just me.  My cancer is attacking my body the way it wants to, the way it sees fit to.  And right now, my cancer is attaching very toughly.

I am fighting back, but I will be honest, my strength is becoming limited and weak.

I continue to do my best to write and publish one post per day – this is a goal – I need a goal at this time in my life.  No goals leave me with nothing to keep me focus, even when that focus is difficult at times.

I want to thank you all for following my blog and for your comments of support and encouragement.  I have many wonderful friendships that are priceless.  You helped me write those 752 posts with 286,750 words.  I want to continue to write posts and words for as long as my body allows; because I enjoy seeing and hearing from you each day.  I enjoy the communication with you, the many wonderful friends from all over the world.

You brighten my day; and for that I say, ‘Thank you and have a Happy Day’.

Multiple Awards Border

Today is the 24th month of my blog!  My anniversary post is something different than the usual posts I write.

Yellow: the five percent

I like yellow, it is my favorite color.

Wikipedia.org has the following –

Yellow is the color of ripe lemons, sunflowers, and gold. It is between green and orange in the visible spectrum, and a primary color in subtractive color, used in color printing. According to surveys in Europe, Canada, and the United States, yellow is the color people most often associate with amusement, gentleness, and spontaneity, but also with duplicity, envy, jealousy, avarice, and, in the U.S., with cowardice. In Iran it has connotations of pallor/sickness, but also wisdom and connection.  It plays an important role in Asian culture, particularly in China, where it is seen as the color of happiness, glory, wisdom, harmony, and culture.

I like yellow, my favorite color.

Google the word yellow and you receive the following results –

Image1

Image Provided by: Google Play

Yellow is a location-based social search mobile app that allows users to find others to share their Snapchat and Instagram usernames. It also allows users to chat with one another in the app.

Who knew there was an app for that?

And did you know the group Coldplay has a song called Yellow?

There is an interesting article on psychologytoday.com titled  Why We Prefer Certain Colors that has interesting information about why we have a color preference and how it influences our lives.  If you are interested in reading, click the above article link.

Did I mention, I like yellow?

From bustle.com –

The most popular color in the world is blue, and it’s also the most popular color for men, everywhere in the world, to wear. (Women, on the other hand, mostly prefer wearing black.) Statistically, yellow isn’t preferred by many, with only five percent of people claiming it as their most favorite color, and apparently, as people get older, they start to shun orange.

Okay, I am in the five percent when it comes to preferring yellow.

Image1

Image Provided by: Jodi @ https://lifeinbetween.me

I always mention my favorite color to Jodi over at THE CREATIVE LIFE IN BETWEEN because she has wonderful watercolors that have the color yellow.

Did I mention, I really like the color yellow?

A year ago, I published a video post ‘it’s a “Jodi”’, where I unwrapped a package.  The package was sent from Jodi; she sent me a watercolor that I really liked.  The water color is a red boat, but it also has my favorite color.

Did you know, I really, really like yellow – it is my favorite color.

Any guess my favorite fruit?  (hint: it starts with a ‘B’ and yes, it is yellow)

And if you have never heard Coldplay’s song “Yellow” –

find the humor

Who knows Brian from Bonnywood Manor?

If you have not visited his blog, please do so – you will not be disappointed.

So, why am I mentioning Brian and his blog in this post?  Well you see, I leave comments on other’s blog posts and I truly appreciate the communication that takes place with these comments and the comments left on my blog posts.  I do not always leave a comment, but many times I do.  There was a post Brian published titled ’10 More Signs That Your Body Just Isn’t What It Used To Be’.

Image1

Image Provided by: quotesgram.com

I read this post and could relate to it, so I left the following comment –

LOL, so very funny & true. I can relate to many of these Brian.

Brian responded with this comment –

Terry, I honestly hesitated before posting this, wondering if you might find it a bit offensive that I would be whining about such things when you have a much more challenging situation, but I knew in the end you would be fine with it. We’re both here to help others get through the bigs and the smalls by trying to find the humor and the shared humanity in both. Hope you’re doing well…

I responded with the following comment –

You are a good man, and please don’t ever hesitate on posting because of what I or others might think. I always find humor and laughter here on your blog – it helps me a great deal. Yes, we are here to help others – thanks friend – Happy Friday.

When visiting Brian’s blog, I laugh a lot, I mean where I am holding my belly and laughing.  I have to hold my belly right now because I continue to be a little sore from surgery.  But the laughing is good for me and is great medicine for recovery.

Image2

Image Provided by: CHA-T – Wikispaces

My friends, I am not offended by much and I appreciate we have a platform here to express our thoughts.

Brian’s sensitivity toward me and my struggles shows what a good man he is.  Thank you Brian and others for writing, posting and publishing your thoughts.  As Brian indicated in his response comment ‘We’re both here to help others get through the bigs and the smalls by trying to find the humor and the shared humanity in both.

I read many posts by other bloggers and find many different emotions from them.

And many of them I find the humor.

blessed our roads have crossed

image1

Image Provided by: http://www.pinterest.com

When I started this blog almost 2 years ago, I never imagined I would be writing about my journey with cancer and events that would lead me here today.  But, here I am today with those events and experiences and sharing them with you.  I just write and share and put it out there for those that want to read it.  This blog is about my life; nothing really special, many others are leading more interesting lives.  When I write a post, sometimes it affects others and sometimes I receive a comment that affects me.

From my post ‘I remain grateful (Reader Discretion Is Advised)‘, I received the following comment.

Comment from Hungry Breton (Franck)

Hey man… I know that I have read your post a few days ago. It touched me; to a point that the other night, I dreamt about you and Garry, you had a hat on, kinda cowboy like, but not as extreme as Texas Rangers. You were in good humor, as you walked inside the hospital, we met as we were leaving. 5 years ago, my wife got a big “Mother” of a cancer; a stage 3, grade 4, a 10x10cm tumor on her kidney… Nephrectomy…. She survived, but our couple was never the same after, even if I think I was a good carer. She was never the same after, kissing Death on the lips would leave you like that. I admire her, I admire you, even if I have made my peace if – God forbid- it would happen to me.

image2

Image Provided by: Lost Plots

My Mother died of Cancer when I was 25, she was 49, cervical cancer, and a love for bad wine to drown bad memories. Destructive… I am not really sure where I want to go with this, apart from the fact that I feel blessed that our roads have crossed. You are a very brave man in so many ways, I respect people like you. If you guys fancy visiting our crazy Island one day, give me a shout. You rock like hell, Garry the helicopter guy rocks like hell, when I cannot even jump on a plane. Spread your arms, look at the sunset and scream: ” Freedom ya Mothers!!!” ‘cos you know what it feels like to be free… Fair play to you my friend… Fair play!!!

My response –

Franck, I read your comment yesterday early morning and several times yesterday and again this morning. It has taken me a day to respond because your comment had me feeling many emotions. I had to take my emotions and think about where they were coming from and why. First of all, I am sorry to hear about the loss of your mother and the experience both you and your wife went though. Life throws situations at us we are not always prepared for and we just do the best we can each day.

image3

Image Provided by: http://www.manager.bg

For you to write you feel blessed our roads have crossed is the best compliment anyone could give. This blog is me writing down my experiences and feelings and emotions and for others to feel something and get something out of it – I am humbled and honored. Thank you for being a friend and being honest and sincere. I hope to one day take a trip to your island and meet you – what a privilege that would be. Have a happy day my friend, I truly appreciate you.

To Franck and each one of you – I am blessed our roads have crossed.

virtual spoons

The Saturday prior to my Monday surgery I published a video log post ‘Big Day Monday‘.  I received many wonderful comments including one that stands out because of my response back.  Fellow blogger and friend leggypeggy has been sending me virtual spoons ever since that post.

From that post, Peggy wrote the following comment –

A big thank you to you for sharing your journey with us. Also nice to see the landscape you will enjoy during your recovery. Sending virtual hugs and lots of love for smooth surgery and speedy recovery. And yes, be a good patient and the nurses will love you.

I responded with the following –

LOL, yes I know I need to be a good patient – I certainly need nurses loving me. When I feel bad and grumpy, I will think of you and the spoon on your forehead – that will remind me to be good. Thanks Peggy, yours and others support here is important to me. Have a great day!

Her response –

Oh yeah, remember the spoon! It must be a lucky charm. Should I send you one?

My response –

You can send a virtual spoon everyday next week!

Her response –

Consider it done.

So, Peggy sent me a virtual spoon every day the week of my surgery.

In my post ‘my struggle with cancer‘, again Peggy commented about the virtual spoon –

Glad they were able to explain ‘the knot’, but still strange that it happened. This improves the chances of being relatively pain-free as you more fully recover. Sending virtual spoons and hugs for your mental strength.

My response –

Thank you Peggy, physically I feel much better with still weeks of recovery ahead of me. I appreciate the virtual spoons and hugs for the mental strength because I will be honest, at times I am struggling. Thank you for your support and friendship.

Her response –

I figure that right now your body is stronger than the mind, so the spoons and hugs will keep coming.

Peggy continues to send virtual spoons today; a way for her to bring a smile to my face and remind myself that I can and will get through this and everything eventually will be good again.

I continue to heal and recover and have up and down days and adjusting to the new me.  I post every day and just like many of you, Peggy has a comment for me.  Many times, she lets me know she is sending me virtual spoons.  A little joke between her and I, but a reminder the spoon is a lucky charm – and she sends them to me.

She has indicated I should take a picture with a spoon on my forehead – so, here you go Peggy, this is for you.

20170214_103413