Last Monday’s post ‘Cancer will take my life‘, I wrote the following –
Cancer will take my life. I have always referred to this cancer in my body as my cancer as it does not belong to anyone else. My cancer will take my life. Those pictures associated to last Friday’s post revealed just how much my cancer has taken over and my fight is coming to an end. My body and mind are worn and it is time to prepare for what is ultimately to take place.
The family visits of past weeks are over and my body is tired and mind is ready.
Hospice will begin this week and changes will take place in many areas for both Gary and me. If you read my post yesterday, starting this week; the amount of posts will be reduced.
In today’s post, I write the following –
Now being home for a week, I feel much better being back in my comfort zone. I am thankful to have spent time in the hospital, because I needed to be there. I need to be home also, and I am certainly thankful to be back here now.
This past week I have I received much needed rest and Gary and I have started new routines based on my Hospice care. The nurses and other associates with Hospice are wonderful and I feel very comfortable in their care. This past week, though at times difficult both emotionally and physically; this past week, the transition felt right, certainly felt needed and I was ready for it.
Emotionally I accept where I am in my life, what is left of it and honestly, I am ready for the end. I know others are not ready for the end; it is coming and I find myself at times wanting to look at a calendar to see what date that will be. I have no date, and find at times I am frustrated with not knowing.
Physically my body is beaten down by my cancer and as each day passes, so does some strength, flexibility and mobility. I preform exercise at least once per day and sometimes twice to help slow down the deprivation taken place in my body.
Now that I have a ‘G Tube’ inserted into my stomach, I no longer eat by mouth. All my nutritional needs are through IV as well as my pain medication. Remember I also have a urostomy bag that collects my urine and along with all other outside aids, I have lots of tubes coming and going from my body. I also recently was put on oxygen due to shortness of breath and the amount of effort it takes me to do small tasks; such as changing positions.
Gary is here beside me always willing and able to take care of me with the small tasks to taking care of changing my nutritional IV that requires changing on a daily basis. There are many other daily tasks he does to help make my life easier. I eat lots of ice chips and if it has flavor, then it is like having a treat every day. So, Gary makes sure I am stocked on ice, popsicles and the like.
The first week with Hospice has gone well and I am grateful to be home.