I will see her again

From my post ‘Who is next?‘, I wrote the following –

Do I have other family members coming to visit?  Well, since you asked –

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Image Provided by: Kyrene Foundation

This coming Friday, my twin sister and my mom will be visiting. Another important visit I am looking forward to because my mom and I are close.  I have written many posts about the importance she is to me.  This will be an emotional visit because my mom, she worries like most moms do and I think she feels helpless.

My sister and I are twins and therefore we have a special bond.  I believe if that bond were broken in anyway, there would be a great loss there.  My sister has revealed to me she is heartbroken and upset and cries on a daily basis.

This weekend I will have special visits with special family members; both have been important to me throughout my life and especially now.

In today’s post, I write the following –

This time with my mom and sister certainly at times was emotional.  They were not prepared to see my body that has become weak and frail.  They were not prepared to see me walking will difficulty and needing the help of others with some everyday tasks.  They were not prepared to see me drained of energy, strength and vigor.

I felt it important for them to see me this way; to see how serious this cancer is attaching my body.

We had discussions about how the cancer is affecting my body and the current treatment and potential future treatments.  We discussed my daily struggle and my reason for fighting.  We discussed my possible decision I may need to make in the future.  And we discussed me dying and my final wishes.

We cried a lot, hugged a lot and enjoyed each other’s company.  I made sure they knew how grateful I was that they came to visit me and the importance of their visit.

My second oldest brother was here also to visit me and to spend some time with mom and sister.  Him and I were not close growing up and it has only been in the last couple of years we have connected in a different way.  I guess growing older sometimes bring people closer together and breaks down differences.

I cried in front of these family members on several occasions as I shared my fears.20170416_194313 (2)  Their comfort and support and love brought strength for both Gary and me.  Their time here with us will not be forgotten anytime soon.

The time came when we had to say our goodbyes, with the most difficult being my mom.  We both cried and I told her I will see her again.

These family members know my life may be short.  The once small cancer that was found almost 2 years ago, is now taking over my body.  The treatments may help slow down the progression, but ultimately my cancer will end my life.

Weekend Spent with Mom

You may remember in my post last week ‘Who is next?‘, I wrote the following –

This coming Friday, my twin sister and my mom will be visiting.

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Image Provided by: Pixabay

In today’s post, I write the following –

Because I will be spending time with my mom this weekend, I decided to take it easy here on WP.

I disabled comments for this post; I hope you don’t mind.

Thank you for stopping by today to read, and even though you are unable to leave a comment, you can still ‘Like’ my post.

Happy Weekend Everyone!

her words, her love

2015, I started my blog on the 13th, so I missed Mother’s Day because it was on the 10th of that year.

2016, my post ‘about you, moms!‘, was dedicated to you the moms who follow my blog.

2017, I dedicate this special day to my mom.  I have written many posts about her and the importance of her is my life.  To recognize her for just one day is not enough.

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Image Provided by: got-crossfit.com

I wrote in last year’s Mother’s Day post –

I have written several posts about my mom and her importance in my life.  You can read more about her in these posts ‘Thanks Mom!‘, ‘Magnificent‘ and ‘Happy Birthday Mom‘.  She also has been mentioned in other posts as she was my main support during my years of major depression.  She is important to me and I truly think she is the best mom in the world! 

Since last year’s Mother’s Day post, I have also wrote this post about my mom ‘My mom, she worries‘.

My mom does worry as I think most moms do about their children.  She knows I am sick with a disease that is significant.  And at times on our phone conversations she will cry, I do not want her to, but she does.  I know I am important to her just as much as she is important to me.

But, 2 days ago, this past Friday, it was my turn to cry.  I called my mom because I needed her.  The pain level was high that day and I was having difficulty dealing with it and being optimistic about the future.  I cried on the phone to my mom and told her I was feeling tired and weak and worn down.  I don’t know how I was going to continue on.  I was showing my weakness to my mom and I told her I always want to show strength in dealing with my cancer and the affects it is having on my body.

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Image Provided by: WallpapersCraft

She told me no one can bear this much weight without showing some weakness every once in a while.  She said to let it out, let go of the frustrations and worries.  As I cried, I felt comfort in her words, my mom’s words have helped me many times in my life, her words, her love; they provide me something that no one else can give me.  That is my mom, my biggest supporter and encourager; she has always helped me during difficult times in my life as she continues to do so today.

Happy Mother’s Day Mom!

My mom, she worries

Today is my mom’s birthday!

Image1What can I say about mom, that I have not already written about here on my blog?

Oh, you may have missed some of my past words about mom?

Well, since you asked?

Here are some excerpts from past posts about my mom, a special lady in my life –

Post: Thoughts From Years Past.18

….I once called my mom pleading for her to leave work and come help me.  Mom was there for me, helping me get through a tough time as I found in the years to follow she would do on a consistent selfless basis.

Post: My Time in a Psychiatric Hospital

I looked forward to those visitations because each time I knew my mom would be there – not once did she miss coming to visit me.

Post: Thanks Mom!

My mom may not have always understood me and my actions; but she has always supported me.  She has never questioned my choices in life even when those choices were bad ones and she has always been there to help pick me up so I can continue to move forward. 

Post: Happy Birthday Mom

She was there for me in the most difficult dark days of my life and literally saved me and my life.  She has never failed to be available for me in so many ways, so many times, for so many years.

Post: Magnificent

My mom is splendid, grand and outstanding.  But more importantly she’s understanding, unconditional, accepting and loving.

In my post ‘Mother Mary‘, I wrote the following –

I made my mom cry the other day.  It upset me that she was crying; she was crying because she knows I am going to go through a major surgery to have my bladder removed and some other organs removed, and that my life will be different.  And, I guess as a parent we don’t like to see our child suffer; we don’t want to see our child struggle and we don’t want to see our child go through certain situations.

In today’s post, I want to conclude with the following words –

When I visited my family last month for Thanksgiving and it was time for me to say goodbye to my mom – I made my mom cry again.  Image3Well, I did not make her cry, she cried because she knew what was going to take place very soon.  Thanksgiving would be the last time my mom and I would be together before my surgery.  My mom, she worries – and so she cried when it was time to say our goodbyes.  I hugged her and told her not to worry, it all would be fine; it is all good, I will be okay.

I write this post, thinking she may never see these words, but she knows how I feel about her – I have never hesitated to let her know.

Love you mom – happy birthday!

Terry

Mother Mary

Last Saturday morning, I voice recorded my thoughts.  Here are those words –

It is early morning and I am exercising this morning.  I am not going to stop exercising just because I have to have my bladder removed.

I made my mom cry the other day.  It upset me that she was crying; she was crying because she knows I am going to go through a major surgery to have my bladder removed and some other organs removed, and that my life will be different.  And, I guess as a parent we don’t like to see our child suffer; we don’t want to see our child struggle and we don’t want to see our child go through certain situations.

I have seen my mom cry before, but not like this.  I saw her cry at the funeral of her mother, my grandmother; I saw her cry last year when her long term companion, her dog Fluffy died.  This time it was different; she was crying because of me.  And I am sure my mom has cried before for me, about me – but not in front of me.  She has always shown strength, always shown courage.

I talked with my mom a couple of weeks ago about this upcoming surgery, the most recent one; and I had told her, I said this is not the end, I feel it, I just know there is more to come.  And I told her also that I will get through it because this is not my greatest battle, my greatest battle has already occurred.  It was that depression, that great depression within me, about me that wanted to bring me down, wanted to end my life, kill me, destroy me – and I battled back, I found the strength and courage and I won that battle.  I overcame that which wanted to beat me down to nothing.

And so, since then I have had battles to fight, obstacles to overcome and received scars along the way; I overcame, I fought through, to move forward – that to which I do every day.  So this battle, this next war; it’s not going to stop me, it’s not going to defeat me, it’s not going to make me weak – not mentally, physically I may have some things to overcome, some struggles to deal with that I have never dealt with before.  But you know what, it is not going to bring me down, not going to defeat me, not going to be the end of me.

Maybe all those scars of battle that I have received throughout my lifetime are just reminders of the strength and courage and the will to overcome.  The will to be better, the will to survive and the will to move forward.  This is just another obstacle, another war, another battle; the one maybe for all my life I have been preparing for.  And that is what I am going to do.

It is not the end of the world and it is not the end of me.

There is still more to come.

about you, moms!

Last year I did not write a post about Mother’s Day because it was May 10th, 2015 and my first blog post was on May 13th, 2015.

I have written several posts about my mom and her importance in my life.  You can read more about her in these posts ‘Thanks Mom!‘, ‘Magnificent‘ and ‘Happy Birthday Mom‘.  She also has been mentioned in other posts as she was my main support during my years of major depression.  She is important to me and I truly think she is the best mom in the world!

I will call her today and let her know how important she is to me.  I will call her today and let her know how much I love her.

Today I decided my post would be about you, moms!

History.com has the following –

Mother’s Day is a holiday honoring motherhood that is observed in different forms throughout the world. The American incarnation of Mother’s Day was created by Anna Jarvis in 1908 and became an official U.S. holiday in 1914. Jarvis would later denounce the holiday’s commercialization and spent the latter part of her life trying to remove it from the calendar. While dates and celebrations vary, Mother’s Day most commonly falls on the second Sunday in May and traditionally involves presenting mothers with flowers, cards and other gifts.

I have blog followers who I consider friends that are mothers.  I hope your kids are taking time today to let you know how important you are.  I appreciate my mother and I appreciate all mothers.  Therefore, I appreciate you!

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Image Provided by: mothersdaypictures2016.org

I appreciate Lynn over at lynz real cooking

I appreciate Lynne over at LYNNE’S RECIPE TRAILS

I appreciate Catherine over at Atypical 60

I appreciate Kat over at TIME NO MATTER

I appreciate Sheen over at Flowers and Breezes

I appreciate Karuna over at LIVING, LEARNING AND LETTING GO

I appreciate Blue Sky over at A Broken Blue Sky

I appreciate The Turtle over at The Turtle Way

I appreciate Jodi over at LIFE IN BETWEEN

I appreciate MeRaw over at The Journey of My Left Foot

I appreciate Sadie over at SADIE’S NEST

I appreciate Victo Dolore over at BEHIND THE WHITE COAT

I appreciate Athena over at Divorce With Me

I appreciate Koolaidmoms over at What’s for Dinner Moms?

I appreciate Peggy over at Where to next?

I appreciate Joyce over at Poppies and Popcorn

I appreciate Jean over at White House Red Door

I appreciate Paula over at Never A Dull Bling

I appreciate Tikeetha over at A Thomas Point of View

I appreciate laurelwolfelives over at My Journey Into Darkness/The Story Of A Life Wasted With A Lying, Cheating, Disease-Giving, Narcissistic Husband

I appreciate Brooke over at theutopiauniverse

I appreciate Lori over at LoriGreerInPortland

I appreciate Heidi & Linda over at Fabulous Fare Sisters

I appreciate Joy over at Joy’s Travel

I appreciate Tosha over at Everything I Never Told You

I appreciate Joan over at Retirement and beyond

I appreciate Osyth over at Half Baked In Paradise

I appreciate Maria over at Health from one Heart to another

I appreciate Stevie over at Stevie Turner, Indie Author

I appreciate Su over at Zimmerbitch

I appreciate Anna over at The Self-Actualized Life

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Image Provided by: got-crossfit.com

If I overlooked anyone, please accept my apologies as it was not intentional.

Thank you ladies for being the greatest moms!

Happy Mother’s Day!