From my post ‘Who is next?‘, I wrote the following –
Do I have other family members coming to visit? Well, since you asked –
This coming Friday, my twin sister and my mom will be visiting. Another important visit I am looking forward to because my mom and I are close. I have written many posts about the importance she is to me. This will be an emotional visit because my mom, she worries like most moms do and I think she feels helpless.
My sister and I are twins and therefore we have a special bond. I believe if that bond were broken in anyway, there would be a great loss there. My sister has revealed to me she is heartbroken and upset and cries on a daily basis.
This weekend I will have special visits with special family members; both have been important to me throughout my life and especially now.
In today’s post, I write the following –
This time with my mom and sister certainly at times was emotional. They were not prepared to see my body that has become weak and frail. They were not prepared to see me walking will difficulty and needing the help of others with some everyday tasks. They were not prepared to see me drained of energy, strength and vigor.
I felt it important for them to see me this way; to see how serious this cancer is attaching my body.
We had discussions about how the cancer is affecting my body and the current treatment and potential future treatments. We discussed my daily struggle and my reason for fighting. We discussed my possible decision I may need to make in the future. And we discussed me dying and my final wishes.
We cried a lot, hugged a lot and enjoyed each other’s company. I made sure they knew how grateful I was that they came to visit me and the importance of their visit.
My second oldest brother was here also to visit me and to spend some time with mom and sister. Him and I were not close growing up and it has only been in the last couple of years we have connected in a different way. I guess growing older sometimes bring people closer together and breaks down differences.
I cried in front of these family members on several occasions as I shared my fears. Their comfort and support and love brought strength for both Gary and me. Their time here with us will not be forgotten anytime soon.
The time came when we had to say our goodbyes, with the most difficult being my mom. We both cried and I told her I will see her again.
These family members know my life may be short. The once small cancer that was found almost 2 years ago, is now taking over my body. The treatments may help slow down the progression, but ultimately my cancer will end my life.