United We Stand

In many of my posts I mention that I currently live on the Naval Air Station (NAS) Pensacola, Florida.  I would like to think I bring a unique perspective when writing about my experiences and feelings while living here.  In my post ‘Reveille‘, I wrote about the pounding of my heart when I hear on the loud speakers the National Anthem after reveille.  In my post ‘Moment of Silence‘, I wrote about taking a moment of silence to observe and honor the death of one of the Blue Angels pilots.

These events and experiences have changed me and I see some things differently.

Do I have a different perspective today than I once had?

Yes, I do have a different perspective today about many things because of where I am living and my health and what I am living with and without.

Living on a military base can change perspective.

Living with cancer can change perspective.

Living with less possessions can change perspective.

On the Naval Air Station, I see young women and men training, working and serving this country.  They stand tall and proud and I see sincerity in them and this has me thinking about the importance of this country to me and those around me.

Last year I had minor surgeries, chemotherapy and most recently a major surgery.  At this point in time parts of my future are unknown with regards to what comes next with my cancer journey.

I stand tall and proud and I think about the importance of others in my life that are helping me through a difficult time.

Today I live with much less as last year the downsizing was completed and living minimal is taking place.  What a relief to have less and realize the importance of it.

The military enlisted, those serving I salute you and honor you and say ‘Thank you’.

Those around me helping me through a difficult time, I appreciate you and want to say ‘Thank you’.

And to my husband, the one who is always beside me, you are amazing and to you I say ‘Thank you’.

Some lyrics from the song ‘United We Stand’ –

There’s no where in the world that I would rather be

Then with you my love

And there’s nothing in the world that I would rather see

Than you smile my love

For united we stand. Divided we fall

And if our backs should ever be against the wall

We’ll be together, Together, you and I

My Purpose in Life?

20160810_182204-2At times I will write a post and not finish it and leave it alone until a later date.  This post I wrote almost a year ago, but because of changes in my life it seemed no longer relevant.  Lives can change dramatically in a short period of time and along with the changes so too can our thinking, our believes and attitudes.

A year ago, I had a minor surgery to remove a tumor from my bladder.  At that time, it seemed harmless and nothing significant would come from it.  I was wrong and this past year’s events I never imagined would take place.

The following words I wrote almost a year ago, when my life was healthier and I was looking forward to a future filled with adventure and fun –

Many times I have asked myself ‘What is my purpose in life?’


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If you have been reading about me for quite a while, you know about my early struggles in life with major depression to the point of attempted suicide.  It took over a decade to overcome this depression that wanted to kill me.  My purpose at that time was to overcome it and that I did.

I continue with struggles today, but certainly not to the extent when I was a much younger man – but I am far from perfect and not the man I want to be – I still struggle – I am a work in progress.

Again today I ask the question ‘What is my purpose in life?’

A little more than a year ago, Gary and I were in Mexico exploring a possible location to live.  While there an event took place that upon our return home, I documented.

These are the words I documented –

How can I be responsible for supporting and helping someone when I have my own struggles?  Several weeks ago in Mexico, Gary and I were with expats.  I watched Gary as he told a story – and I see his mannerisms, his facial expressions and the words he used to tell the story – I saw his mom.  It reminded me that maybe he will be like his mom, telling the same old stories, having the same struggles every day.  He may exhibit the same emotions his mom goes through – anger, frustration, nice, rude, impatient, not understanding.  It has been difficult for me spending time with his mom due to my lack of patience.  I have learned some patience as a result of being around her and that is a good thing.  I have more to learn, I want to be there for Gary, I want to be caring, compassionate and understanding.  These are areas I fall short in, but feel I can I gain more of these traits.  Maybe this is my purpose in life to learn these traits: understanding, listening and being there for Gary.  I believe my life is about struggling and learning and being the best person I can be. 

image2Gary’s mom has dementia and she struggles daily and sometimes I see her personality in Gary.

Back to today, both Gary and my life has changed a great deal this past year.  I no longer think about what my purpose is in life.  I do believe part of Gary’s purpose may be to help me during my difficult time.  And who knows, maybe someday when I am better it will be my turn to help Gary during his difficult time.

Hello, anyone out there?

My category ‘Pictures & Stories’ are posts with me writing a fictional, creative short story about a picture.

Hello anyone out there.png

Hello, anyone out there? –

She was alone in a vast wilderness in search of something.  What was her purpose and what would be instore for her today?  The usual perimeter walk takes place to ensure no intruders have invaded the backwoods.  As always there would be the walk around the large body of blue water and the hard surfaced area surrounding it.  Then back to the grasslands to ensure the site was safe, and then there is was!  What was it?  Those eyes, that smell, the silence of it – what was it?  As quickly as it was seen, it began to hurry along the border in a quick manner of unseen speed.  She following, chasing and speaking “Stop!  Stop!  Stop I say!”  The predator proceeding in the attempt to catch the unwelcomed intruder again speaking “Stop! Stop!”

As quickly as the intruder had appeared, it vanished outside the border system and was no longer in site!  What was it!  She was still lurking, sniffing with those eyes fixed on the spot of exit.  Slowly she approached and peered into the outer world and the words were spoken “Hello, anyone out there?”

Bits and Pieces?

In my post ‘Hallelujah‘, I wrote the following –

A memory from my many years of depression and one very low point of many –

The apartment is sparse, my kids are gone fulltime from my life, I am struggling financially and my mind, my thinking and actions seem to ruin everything and everyone, including myself.

The room is dark, I sit in a corner, crouched, lonely and crying profusely and asking God –


“Why are you putting me through this?  What did I do, that you want to punish me?”

“I can’t do this, I do not have the strength; I have lost everything and everyone that means so much to me.”

“Why, God?”

I grew up as Baptist and my grandmother was a very religious woman and lived her life as we all should.  I remember going to church with her when I was very young – but stopped attending when I became older.  Prior to my ‘depression’ years I did not have a relationship with God and today the relationship is different.

“How could you put me through this?”

“You are not a fair God?”

“They say you are a good God; but you cannot be, I don’t understand, I hate you!”

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Image Provided by: spearfruit.com

In today’s post I write the following –

What do I know about religion?  Not much, except that I have been to church before.  What do I know about God?  Not much, except I guess I have some type of relationship with God or a God.  I currently do not go to church: I stopped attending many years ago.  My religious and/or spiritual believes have changed over the years.

But am I bits and pieces of God or a God?

When I talk and act or pray and think, is someone or something listening?

Do they or he or them or her keep an eye out on me?

Are all of us bits and pieces of God or a God?

The religion I grew up with taught me I was created in the image of God.  The religion I grew up with taught me we all are created in the image of God.  So does that mean God is all of us?  Or are we what we think God is?

Could my God and your God be one in the same?  Could we all be part of the God we believe in?

I ask many questions and have no real, definite answers. I stopped going to church many years ago and my relationship with God is different.

But am I bits and pieces of God or a God?

At times I talk with someone or something; is it God or a God?  I like to think whoever or whatever is listening, is really listening!

In my post ‘Life in a Petri Dish‘, I concluded with the following –

The more I ask, the more I do not know the answers.  So in the interim, while I am here in this world existing and struggling, I will continue to grow, attempt to gain an understanding, fight the good fight, and find a purpose.  I will leave this world someday and my hope is that God will say to me ‘You passed the test!’ or that something, someone that is greater than me will say ‘He was a good specimen.’ in the life in a petri dish.

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Image Provided by: spearfruit.com


In today’s post, I conclude with the following –

Am I bits and pieces of God or a God?


What is meditation teaching me?

Meditation – why are you in my life?  I asked you to join me and help me, to improve me, to take me and bring me to a better place.

Meditation – why are you in my life?  I asked you to teach me, to build me, to journey with me to a better life.

Meditation has joined with me and helps me, though a slow process for me, it is improving me.  Meditation is taking me to a quieter mind and bringing me back to be in the moment, at this time at this place; a better place.  Meditation is teaching me, though a slow process for me, to have additional patience, improved concentration and to have calmness during times of interruptions.

It is early morning and the exercising is over and now I meditate.  The room is dark and the windows with the blinds open; pass through faint light from the darkness that still encompasses this part of the world.  The sounds from beyond the walls out in the world of the early morning are faint and non-intruding.  The next 22 minutes and 25 seconds I sit in silence on the floor concentrating on the breath, posture and mind.

Sitting in this position and concentrating on the breath is teaching me patience.  There are times I am restless and want to move on the next activity of the morning routine.  The breath is back in focus and the mind again will concentrate on that which will calm it and improve the patience.  This mindfulness will continue to be available later in the day when the patience wants to be in short supply.  I am learning to find the patience in everything else that comes my way.  Do I always succeed, no – but I must have patience in learning patience.

Sitting in this position and concentrating on the breath is teaching me concentration.  Many times I am losing my concentration and the mind will wander. At times sitting the wandering takes place for what seems to be quite a while.  The breath is back in focus and the mind again will concentrate on the moment, in the present.  This mindfulness will continue to be available later in the day when the concentration is broken and once again starts to wander.  I am learning to find concentration in everything else that comes my way.  Do I always succeed, no – but I must concentrate on learning concentration.


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Sitting in this position, the interruptions come and go; physically and mentally, they come and go.  The breath is back in focus and the mind again will release the frustration of these interruptions and take me back to a better place.  This mindfulness will continue to be available later in the day when the interruptions occur.  I am learning when those interruptions occur, to have patience and to concentrate on that which is in the moment.  Do I always succeed, no – but I must not interrupt the interruption.

What is meditation teaching me?

Queer, Geek, Gay

In my post ‘Easy to Label, Easy to Judge‘, I wrote the following –

So the phrase ‘Don’t judge a book by its cover’ is such an easy phrase, but difficult to abide by.  Why is this?  I remember in high school labeling other students.  You had the ‘jocks’, the ‘socialites’, the ‘nerds’, and the ‘band queers’ to name a few.  Not sure what labels are used today in high school, but in society we have labels such as ‘losers’, ‘the 1%’, ‘slut’, ‘retard’, ‘homo’, ‘illegal aliens’  you get the idea.

In today’s post, I write the following –

In school I was labeled ‘band queer’, but was I really?

urbandictionary.com has the following –

Band Queer – a band nerd from the 70’s who wore high pants, big glasses, and blue buttoned-up band sweaters to match other nerds.

-“did you see that one nerdy kid with the clarinet? his outfit is revolting!”

-“yeah, i heard he was a band queer.”

band queer – a member of a band who is so devoted to their trade that it will dominate all parts of their life, making them socially unacceptable. Later in life they will have no career other than teaching future band queers.

Mr. Donello over there was a band queer when he was a kid. Now he teaches music class.

In school I was labeled ‘geek’, but was I really?

urbandictionary.com has the following –

geek – The people you pick on in high school and wind up working for as an adult

-The geeky kid now owns a million dollar software company

Geek – Not to be confused with Nerd. A geek does not have to be smart, a Geek is someone who is generaly not athletic, and enjoys Video Games; Comic Books; being on the internet, and etc.

-Only a geek would waste their time on the internet, defining geek on urbandictionary.com

In today’s society, I am labeled ‘gay’, but am I really?

urbandictionary.com has the following –

gay – happy. joyful. gleeful.

-‘we’ll have a gay old time’.

-The Flintstone’s theme song

I don’t fit these labels, I never have and I never will, so why were they given to me?

Yes, I was in band for several school years, and at one time I may have worn big glasses, but not high pants.  During my 7th & 8th grade years the blue buttoned-up band sweaters were actually green and yes I did match the other band members.  I should have never received this label – it created judgement.

Yes, I was not very smart in school and was not athletic and I do like being on the internet, and at one time I did play video games.  I never did really enjoy comic books, and I do not own a million dollar software company; but I did retire at an early age.  I should have never received this label – it created judgement.

Yes, there are times in my life that I was and am happy, joyful and gleeful, but not always having a gay old time?  I should not receive this label – it creates judgement.

Spring Cleaning

A week ago today was the first day of spring – well for me anyway.

almanac.com has the following –

Astronomically speaking, the spring equinox falls on March 19 or March 20, 2016. Here are all the Equinox times for North American time zones this year:

  • Saturday, March 19, 2016 at 9:30 PM PDT
  • Saturday, March 19, 2016 at 10:30 PM MDT
  • Saturday, March 19, 2016 at 11:30 PM CDT
  • Sunday, March 20, 2016 at 12:30 AM EDT

Did you know this is the earliest spring of our lives thus far?

Wikipedia.org has the following about spring cleaning –

Spring cleaning is the practice of thoroughly cleaning a house in the springtime. The practice of spring cleaning is especially prevalent in climates with a cold winter.

The term is also used metaphorically for any kind of heavy duty cleaning or organizing enterprise. A person who gets their affairs in order before an audit or inspection could be said to be doing some spring cleaning.

Are you doing any spring cleaning?

I am!

The home front has been in cleaning mode for many months now.  With the downsizing and the house going on the market to sale in less than a month, much cleaning has taken place.  There are closets that are totally empty and freshly painted; some touchup painting has taken place throughout the home, decluttering has taken place and detailed cleaning of inside and outside is currently in progress.

I decided I needed to do some spring cleaning on my blog site.  When I started my blog almost a year ago, I was not familiar with the usage of categories and I created more then I really needed to.  Me being the detailed organized person I am, I do have a word document and excel spread sheet that has all my past, current and future posts neatly associated to a topic related to me and my life.  My topics did not correspond with my blog site categories – until today.


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The past several weeks I organized my past posts and related them to a specific topic which now corresponds with the same category.  I then updated every single post with the new corresponding category.  I wanted to do this to make it easier for a reader to find a past post that corresponds with other posts.  If you are a new reader to my blog, the updated categories should help in finding related posts.  Hopefully I achieved this.  My new categories are ‘Attitudes, Feelings and Views’, ‘Meditation’, ‘My 70’s Music Collection’, ‘Past Events’, ‘Family Members’, ‘Thoughts From Years Past’, ‘Activities Occurring Today’, ‘Characteristics Of Me’, ‘Life Moving Forward’ and ‘Awards & Quote Challenge’.   You should be able to click a category from the above menu and now see the related posts.

Did you also notice a made a change to my blog site?  I wanted to update colors, background and fonts to liven it up a little as in the coming months I plan to change the focus of my blog.  More details on this change coming in the near future.

I hope you like the update – let me know your thoughts.  Oh, and happy spring!


how I feel and if I can pee

In my post ‘To Pee or not To Pee’, I ended with the following –

Tomorrow is another day with another post – it maybe just a regular post; or it may be an update to how I am feeling – it will depend on how I feel and if I can pee.

In my post ‘Room 101‘, I wrote the following –

The five I banish to Room 101 is –

1.Mayonnaise – seriously I cannot stand mayonnaise and would rather choke on cactus needles while getting my toenails pulled with needle nose pliers.

In today’s post, I write the following –

What does pee and mayonnaise have in common?  Nothing!

I decided I would rather eat mayonnaise than to have what is inserted in me at the moment.  I did not have to pee to leave the hospital yesterday, as I currently have a catheter inserted into my male part.  Either today or tomorrow I hope to have the catheter removed.

The surgery went well yesterday and I made it back home in the late afternoon and honestly had no desire to get on WP or for that matter on my computer.  I have read all the comments left for me on yesterday’s post and decided instead of replying to each comment; I would ‘Like’ your comment and respond here instead.

Before I respond, let me update you on my condition.  The bladder tumor was removed and Dr. F. indicated it looks superficial, meaning on the surface of the bladder.  A biopsy will take place to determine the next steps.  Dr. F. also found a small matter that is partially blocking my ureter that connects to my right kidney.  I have for months experienced some lower right discomfort on my back and it is most likely due to my kidney not properly draining my urine to my bladder.

Dr. F. believes this small matter is most likely some scar tissue from the tumor because it’s location was near the ureter opening.  In a couple of weeks I will visit a radiologist to determine what will need to take place to correct this issue.  radiologyinfo.org has the following information –

Urine is normally carried from the kidneys to the bladder through long, narrow tubes called ureters. The ureter can become obstructed due to conditions such as kidney stones, tumors, infection, or blood clots. When this happens, physicians can use image guidance to place stents or tubes in the ureter to restore the flow of urine to the bladder.

A ureteral stent is a thin, flexible tube threaded into the ureter. When it is not possible to insert a ureteral stent, nephrostomy is performed. During this procedure, a tube is placed through the skin on the patient’s back into the kidney. The tube is connected to an external drainage bag or from the kidney to the bladder.

Okay, back to your comments from yesterday –

Truly it brings tears to my eyes knowing that you fellow bloggers care.  Seriously I never imagined I would meet so many wonderful and kind people.  I believe things happen for a reason.  I believe that for whatever reason I started this blog; it was because I would meet you – you my friends!

I am truly grateful – Terry

Liar Liar Pants On Fire

From urbandictionary.com, the top definition of ‘Liar Liar Pants On Fire’ –

Liar Liar Pants On Fire is a phrase that children like to scream at each other whenever they think the other is lying. They also like to scream it at adults who tell them stories about fairies. It is an overall stupid thing to say, since if your pants actually caught on fire when you lied, more politicians would be dead.


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I need to tell you something – I am a liar!

Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia has the following –

A lie is a statement that is known or intended by its source to be misleading, inaccurate, or false. The practice of communicating lies is called lying, and a person who communicates a lie may be termed a liar. Lies may be employed to serve a variety of instrumental, interpersonal, or psychological functions for the individuals who use them. Generally, the term “lie” carries a negative connotation, and depending on the context a person who communicates a lie may be subject to social, legal, religious, or criminal sanctions. In certain situations, however, lying is permitted, expected, or even encouraged. Because believing and acting on false information can have serious consequences, scientists and others have attempted to develop reliable methods for distinguishing lies from true statements.

In my situation, my lying was on purpose for a specific reason and yes I have misled you the readers for a couple of months now.  Here is my reason for lying and why now I will start telling the truth.

In my post ‘to expose me‘, I wrote the following –

I being a detailed person had logic behind when I published specific posts.  I have timelines with my posts and I have a reason for the sequence of my posts related to these timelines.

In today’s post, I write the following –

My timelines I spread over a period of months, I do this on purpose.  Being meticulous, I usually write posts in advance.  So timelines were continuing and posts were being written, and then an unexpected and unplanned event occurred.  This event would mean I would have to update some of my already written posts.  Updating these posts would interrupt my timelines, so I decided not to update the posts already written.  Because of this there are several posts I wrote in the last couple of months where I lied.

So today I am coming clean, taking responsibility and telling the truth.  And I promise I will never lie to you again.


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Here is the truth – all posts since December 4, 2015 that had the word ‘partner’ was incorrect.  The word ‘partner’ should be replaced with the word ‘husband’.

The Waves Created by Storms

For many years now, I have come to believe things happen for a reason.

I believe this because in the past when bad things occurred, it provided me some comfort to think that things happen for a reason.  Years have passed, failures and successes have come and gone and I and my life moved on sailing on the waves that took me from a place of turmoil to a place of calmness.  Today as my life continues, some days the waves are high from the storms and somedays the sun shines with no waves at all.


Image Provided by: athenadeanholtz.com

The storms that brought the high waves in my life are similar to the storms brought on by nature.  Wikipedia.com definition for ‘Storm’ includes the following –

Storms generally lead to negative impacts on lives and property such as storm surge, heavy rain or snow (causing flooding or road impassibility), lightning, wildfires, and vertical wind shear; however, systems with significant rainfall can alleviate drought in places they move through.

So, can the storms of our lives that bring negative impacts in turn bring good things to our lives?  Think about it, if our lives are in a drought; suffering from the lack of substance that we need to live, are then receiving that very substance in abundance – will this bring life back to us?

Things happen for a reason.

You may have heard the phrase ‘When 1 door closes another opens’.  Alexander Graham Bell quoted the following –

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.”

In my past, a door was shut.  It then may be years later that something occurred in my life and I think to myself “This is the reason why that event so many years ago occurred; that door was shut.”

Were the past events years ago, the attempts to end my life, the physical moves, the divorce, the relationships ending, the job loss; a realization of me?  Where these events, these storms in my life that caused such fierce waves now providing the substance for calmness and finally ending the drought?

Things happen for a reason.


Image Provided by: athenadeanholtz.com

I like to think all those past waves in my life created by storms brought me here today to calmness and full of abundance.

Waves & Storms – Doors Shutting & Doors Opening – Regrets & Happiness

Things happen for a reason – I like to think so.