Weekend Spent with Sister

You may remember in my post last week ‘Who is next?‘, I wrote the following –

This coming Friday, my twin sister and my mom will be visiting.

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Image Provided by: welcometosister.com

In today’s post, I write the following –

Because I will be spending time with my twin sister this weekend, I decided to take it easy here on WP.

I disabled comments for this post; I hope you don’t mind.

Thank you for stopping by today to read, and even though you are unable to leave a comment, you can still ‘Like’ my post.

Happy Weekend Everyone!

My Life Partner Does! – A Fresh Perspective

I am in year 3 of my blog.

In the early days of this blog, there are posts that received little exposer.

I have a new category ‘Reruns – A Fresh Perspective’.  This category reposts these earlier posts that received little exposer and a fresh perspective on how I feel about them today.

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This post was originally posted on May 18, 2015 –

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia –

A life partner is a romantic or otherwise very close friend for life. The partners can be of the same or opposite sexes, married or unmarried, and celibate, monogamous or polyamorous.

From Me, the free blog –

My life partner and I are romantic, are very close friends for life, we are of the same sex, unmarried and monogamous.

My life partner is more than the Wikipedia definition; my definition of my life partner encompasses additional qualities and traits.  These qualities and traits are included in the definitions for Lifeguard, Life Coach, Life Line and Life Saver.

My life partner as a Lifeguard will rescue me when I get into difficulty in a swimming pool.  Not just an actual swimming pool, but all other metaphors for swimming pool.  The swimming pool of life in comparison is more like an ocean.  This ocean at time seems endless with no land near and the boat we are on at times experiences turbulence in the water.  I know when the turbulence gets rough; my Lifeguard will be there to rescue me.

My life partner as a Life Coach councils and encourages me when I experience personal challenges.  This Life Coach will motivate me to fight the challenges and achieve my goals.  This Life Coach will advise me during times of decision making, and reminds me of my strengths and encourages me to overcome my weaknesses.

My life partner as a Life Line will preserve my life by keeping in contact during times of need.  This Life Line is never too far to throw me a rope when I need to be brought back closer.  This Life Line watches me close as I roam into uncharted territory and never leaves me alone in harm’s way.

My life partner as a Life Saver (the candy) is sweet, fruity and fun.  This Life Saver’s sweetness is never ending, always pleasurable in personality.  This Life Saver is fruity, mellow and cheerful.  This Life Saver is fun and enjoyable to have around.  This Life Saver can be lighthearted, be amusing and be entertaining.

So, my hopes are for people who have a life partner in their life, they have more than just the Wikipedia definition of a life partner.  My hope is your life partner rescues you, advices you, encourages and motivates you – My hope is your life partner brings pleasure and fun in your life.  My Life Partner Does!

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A Fresh Perspective –

When I wrote that post over 2 years ago, Gary was my life partner and today he is my husband.  I have written many posts about the importance of him in my life, especially now.  He continues to be my Lifeguard, my Life Coach, My Life Line and certainly my Life Saver (the candy).  He is all that and more, how fortunate I am to have this special person in my life.

Months not Years

In my post ‘something changes direction‘, I wrote these words –

The results of the CT Scan and MRI came back with additional bad news.

My cancer has now spread into my bones and spine as well as additional Lymph Nodes.  It was only one month ago I had scans performed and these areas were clear and displayed nothing out of the ordinary.  The doctors are amazed at how quickly my cancer has spread.

So, what comes next?

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Image Provided by: WallpapersCraft

In today’s post, I write the following –

It was about 3 weeks ago, I received the news my cancer had spread into my bones, spinal cord and additional Lymph Nodes.

Following my hospital stay, I had a visit with my Oncologist Dr. L. to discuss my options.  One option was to do nothing and the other option was Immunotherapy.  Concerning Immunotherapy; any type of positive results is only about 15% – meaning 15% of participants will receive some type of response.  The response would be the slowing down of the progression of cancer to other parts of the body and/or stopping or slowing down the growth of the cancer cells.

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Image Provided by: flickr.com

So, I asked Dr. L. the question; how many years would my life be extended, if there were a positive result?  His response was that we are talking about months, not years.

It is mid-July and sometime in late August scans will take place to compare to previous ones.  What will they reveal?  Any changes?  We will find out soon enough and further decisions will be made.

Whatever those results and decisions, my time is limited to months not years.  I know this and Gary knows this as does my family.

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I will continue to write and publish posts until it comes a time I am unable to do so.

something changes direction

From my post ‘turning point‘, I concluded with the following –

Upon having my initial appointment with the Supportive Care Medicine, the main doctor, Dr. C., immediately wanted to place me in the hospital due to the extreme pain level and the lack of quality of life.

So, after waiting several hours just to be admitted that were becoming unbearable for me, finally a bed became available and the start of my 7 days would begin.

This is a turning point that Gary and I were looking for that would change the course of my treatment.

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Image Provided by: BYUtv

More to come my friends in future posts to explain so much more.

From my post ‘critical point‘, I wrote the following –

Upon admittance into the hospital, the Supportive Care Medicine team of doctors wanted to change my pain medications and run scans to determine the sources of the difference pains I feel daily.

First, a CT Scan with contrast was performed with Dr. C. specifying thoracic, abdominal and pelvic areas.  As part of this CT Scan, he requested the right groin area be included.  My right groin for the past several weeks has been causing me severe pain.

Second, Dr. C. ordered a full body MRI specifically on the spine.  He wanted to determine if anything out of the ordinary regarding nerves was obvious.

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bezboleznej.ru

In today’s post, I write the following –

Dictionary.com has this definition –

turning point

noun

  1. a point at which a decisive change takes place; critical point; crisis.
  2. a point at which something changes direction, especially a high or low point on a graph.
  3. Surveying. a point temporarily located and marked in order to establish the elevation or position of a surveying instrument at a new station.

Based on my admittance into the hospital, changes to my pain medications, tests and results – there are 2 turning points.  This is turning point 2 –

The results of the CT Scan and MRI came back with additional bad news.

My cancer has now spread into my bones and spine as well as additional Lymph Nodes.  It was only one month ago I had scans performed and these areas were clear and displayed nothing out of the ordinary.  The doctors are amazed at how quickly my cancer has spread. 

So, what comes next?

Following my hospital stay I met with my Oncologist Dr. L. and we decided I would start with Immunotherapy treatment due to my cancer being wide spread.  The Immunotherapy treatment will start immediately.

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The news I received about the test results, honestly, I kind of expected.  I know my body and my body has been telling me something for a while now.

another world – a Visual Recite

I have added a new category to my blog titled ‘a Visual Recite’.

I have taken many pictures over the years and I share them with you with a recite.

another world

another world –

When you’re in a fighter jet and there’s a dark layer of clouds with just one blue hole with the sun going through it, you shoot for that hole. You go vertical into the light, and suddenly, instead of gray and dark, it’s light and blue. You are totally connected with the elements. You are in another world.

–          Yves Rossy

Magnifying Glass

I recently finally bought reading glasses.

For a while now, or if I am honest for a very long time now, I have needed reading glasses.  Most of the time when using my computer, I am sitting with my laptop in my lap.  Let’s say my eyes were about 2 feet from the screen.  And let’s say, all words were blurring.  And let’s say, I at times was using a magnifying glass to read the words.

I went to the local Walgreens, bought some reading glasses, came home and voila, I could clearly see the words.  What a difference it makes, I now need to become accustomed to having the glasses on the end of my nose so I see non-reading items clearly when lifting my eyes up – you know, like the TV.

So, I was feeling very excited about my new reading glasses and being able to read words again on my computer and not using the magnifying glass.

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Image Provided by: TurboSquid

About the same time, I read post from fellow blogger and friend Steph over at Bold Blind Beauty.

Steph is blind and her blog’s Welcome page begins with the following words –

An extraordinary online community that encourages beautiful blind women to transcend barriers and walk boldly together with confidence; in style, body, and soul.

If you do not know Steph, please visit her blog site, she is a wonderful lady with a message not just for women, but for us men also.

So, I was feeling very excited about my new reading glasses and I read a post from Steph’s blog site titled ‘Learning To Be Present Through The Loss Of Sight’.

I was feeling guilty reading her post, because here I am excited about my new reading glasses and Steph is writing about losing her sight and being declared legally blind and using a white cane and not knowing what was ahead of her.

I felt selfish and ashamed that I was excited about my new reading glasses when there are others who cannot see things I take for granted seeing.  With my body having cancer and me going through a tough time, I am tired and worn down physically and mentally.  So, the new reading glasses got me excited.

Steph’s post ‘Learning To Be Present Through The Loss Of Sight’, concludes with the following –

Life is way too short to waste it focusing on things we have no control over. Live life now and be in the moment.

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So, Steph, thank you for your wonderful post and reminding me to live life now and be in the moment.  Sometimes I am not, I am down and beaten and feeling sorrow.  But then I open my computer with my new reading glasses and I am reminded how exciting the small things can be.

Those glasses sitting on the edge of my nose is helping me be in the moment and enjoy the words in front of me – I no longer need the magnifying glass.

non-existent meditation

Back in August of last year in my post ‘I started meditating‘, I concluded with the following words –

Meditation once again brought me comfort and brought me back to me.

I asked meditation to join me and help me, to improve me, to take me and bring me to a better place.

I asked meditation to teach me, to build me, to journey with me to a better life.

Mediation has accomplished these and will continue to do so as I proceed forward into my journey.

I started meditating.

In today’s post, I begin with the following words –

I have not written or even mentioned anything about meditation for quite some time.  It once was a daily activity in my life and now is a memory of something I once did.  I enjoyed the time spent meditating and felt I received benefits from it that helped me in my daily life.  I missed it; but used the past 6 month’s events to not be associated with it.  There was the chemotherapy, the CAT Scans, the PET Scans, MRI and then the surgery.  There was the overwhelming tiredness, the severe pains, the difficulty in walking and other problems related to my cancer and my health.

But, I did not use meditation during this time, instead allowing that present situation at times during the past months to take control of my moods and attitude.  I missed it.

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Image Provided by: http://www.menofspirit.com

The non-existent meditation, I want to bring back into my life and be a part of me again.

I ask meditation to join me again and help me again, to improve me again and to take me and bring me to a better place.

I ask meditation to teach me again, to build me again, to journey with me to a better life.

Meditation has accomplished these in the past and I hope again to do so again as I proceed forward into my journey.

O-O-H CHILD

I wrote this post prior to my recent hospital stay.

Early morning and I am drinking coffee.

The lights are dim, just the way I like it in the mornings before others have awaken.

The body pain is a little stronger this morning than usual.

And then a song pops in my head.

And I remember the words and the music and I sing a portion of it in my head.

Ooh-oo child

Things are gonna get easier

Ooh-oo child

Things’ll get brighter

Ooh-oo child

Things are gonna get easier

Ooh-oo child

Things’ll get brighter

Some day, yeah

We’ll get it together and we’ll get it all done

Some day

When your head is much lighter

My mornings are usually the same; wake in pain, about a level 5, drink coffee in silence to reflect and ponder about myself, my cancer, my life and my upcoming day.

This particular morning as I was doing my usual morning routine, a song popped in my head for a reason.

Was someone or something sending me a reminder?

That morning, a song that popped in my head is O-O-H CHILD by The Five Stairsteps

It is a good reminder for me and I think maybe a good reminder for the world we live in.

My Feet – A Fresh Perspective

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Image Provided by: TM Forum Inform

I am in year 3 of my blog.

In the early days of this blog, there are posts that received little exposer.

I have a new category ‘Reruns – A Fresh Perspective ’.  This category reposts these earlier posts that received little exposer and a fresh perspective on how I feel about them today.

This post was originally posted on May 16, 2015 –

When I was a small child, I would spend time at my neighbor’s house.  The father of that family would always go barefoot and for whatever reason, I remember what his feet looked like.  He had corns, calluses and cracked heels.  As a child, maybe I thought it was a disease or a lack of hygiene or thought it was normal, not exactly sure what I thought, I just remember how ugly they were.  Fast forward about 50 years and I have my neighbor’s feet!

I have the same corns, calluses and cracked heels – just like my neighbor!  But its ok, my feet reflect the life I have lived, the many years of walking with shoes on but mainly walking without shoes.  I like walking barefoot and walk without shoes any chance I get.  My feet reflect who I am as does my face (that’s another blog post).  My feet reflect my running days; years of running and the many years of walking.  It would be interesting to know how many steps my feet have taken in all my years.

My smartphone has a pedometer that tracks the steps I take throughout the day.  The days I go to the gym and use the elliptical and treadmill, I certainly go beyond 10,000 steps, which my pedometer indicates as very good.  I don’t carry my smartphone on my body at all times, so some days my pedometer indicates I have not taken many steps.  When parking at public places, I am the person who parks the furthest away from the entrance, I always take the stairs and I make sure I walk a lot every day.

So, what’s the point of this post?  I think our feet reflect who we are, certainly where we have been and what we have been doing.  My feet let me dance, my feet let me swim, my feet let me see and reach higher.  My feet have brought me from childhood to adulthood and will continue to carry me to my senior years.

I appreciate my feet even with the corns, calluses and cracked heels.

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A Fresh Perspective –

Much has changed since I wrote that post back in 2015 except, I continue to appreciate my feet.  What has changed?  It was only 6 weeks ago I was walking 1-2 miles per day with some discomfort.  I mentioned in several posts about my increased pain and how it was affecting my walking.  Rapidly the pain increased in my right grown and the walking became worse forcing me to use a cane and now I am using a walker.  Then came reduced physical inactivity and most recently a 7-day hospital stay where I remained bedridden for most of that time.  This combination has caused severe edema in my feet and ankles.

My feet continue to function and do their job even though they are swollen and tired – I continue to appreciate my feet.

Father & Sons

So many unexpected events have happened the last 2 weeks; and I was so totally un-prepared for them.

Saturday, June 17th in my post ‘unexpectedly‘, I wrote the following words –

Yesterday afternoon, I was alone resting. 

Suddenly the door opens and there was an unexpected surprise.

I am disabling comments my friends, because I need time away from WP today.

You know my appreciation for you all is great and never ending.

Thank you my friends for allowing me to take a day off.

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Image Provided by: The View From A Slightly Twisted Angle

In today’s post, I write the following –

Upon the door opening, my Son #2 and his wife walk in.  I instantly break down with emotions and tears; and stand to give my Son #2 a big hug and a big kiss on the cheek.  “What are you doing here?”, I ask.  “We wanted to come down and spend Father’s Day with you.”  With more emotions and tears I let him know the importance of his unexpected visit and what it means to me.  We spend that Friday evening in the RV because, they are tired having started early that morning and I am not feeling well at all.

The very next day Saturday, I continue to not feel well; I am unable to walk on my right leg without using a cane and many other parts of my body are hurting.  With my pain medications just recently increased, I am tired and drowsy, but do my best to stay alert.

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Image Provided by: Meaningful Ideas

That afternoon, Son #2 and Gary leave to run an errand and my lovely daughter-in-law spend time together talking about what is going on with me and I open up some about my feelings with her and how I feel about it all.

After some time, the door opens and Son #2, informs me he has something for me.  I look his way, and following him are my Son #1 and Son #3.  Now the water works are flowing full force and as I rise to be at their level, the legs are wobbly and my back is bent forward – but the hugs and kisses are sturdy, strong and sincere.

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Image Provided by: http://www.pinterest.com

What an honor to have all 3 sons here to celebrate Father’s Day with me.

We spend several hours talking and catching up and I let them know I am not feeling well and it may be difficult for me to go out and about.  They respond letting me know they are here to see me, not to go out and about to do other things.  So my 3 sons and 1 lovely daughter-in-law, Gary and I sit in the RV and talk.  The subject matter of my health is discussed and the severity of it.  I expressed many internal feelings to my sons, letting them know I did my best as a father given the circumstances.  I let them know the importance of my love I have for them.  We talk about life, relationships, and my cancer.

20170416_194313 (2)The weekend proceeds with most of our time spend in the RV.  My pain level is high and my right leg is in bad shape when trying to walk.

We all had a wonderful weekend; the best Father’s Day ever!