Brotherly Transformations

Still more came to visit.

As mentioned in this past weekend’s posts, I had more family visitors.

The trip was planned for some time, and I did not foresee myself being in the hospital.  But there I was and here they came and we made the best of it.  This family visit involved my oldest brother, his wife and their daughter and son.  Gary, the usual host with the most; never skipped a beat and helped make the best of their time here when not visiting me in the hospital.  Really, who wants to go to Florida and spend their time at the hospital?

Image2

Image Provided by: Kyrene Foundation

With the arrival of Monday came my brother and his family’s departure.  We were not able to spend a great deal of time together, but that time together was important for all of us.  They needed to see and visit with me just as much as I needed to see and visit with them.

As with all the previous family visits, there were tears, honestly, openness and the knowing that this time spent together could very well be our last time together.

Monday morning, it was only my brother to come visit me one more time before heading back home to Texas.  This brotherly time together, just us two together and talking about our relationship through the years was important.  This time together to share a hug and say, ‘I love you’ without feeling embarrassed and uneasy is what I believe to be the conclusion of a lifetime brotherly relationships and brotherly transformations.

We both came full circle in this relationship of ours and we departed knowing the love we have for each other is strong, real and sincere.

image1

Image Provided by: vord.dvrlists.com

The previous years and years of what use to be our brotherly relationship was transformed on Monday.  A new brotherly relationship like none other we had experienced over the years.

Why wait until the last minute for these transformations?

I have no answers; I guess that is just life.

I love you brother and your family and thank you for visiting me.

You are important to me, as is our brotherly transformations.

My Life Partner Does! – A Fresh Perspective

I am in year 3 of my blog.

In the early days of this blog, there are posts that received little exposer.

I have a new category ‘Reruns – A Fresh Perspective’.  This category reposts these earlier posts that received little exposer and a fresh perspective on how I feel about them today.

image2

This post was originally posted on May 18, 2015 –

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia –

A life partner is a romantic or otherwise very close friend for life. The partners can be of the same or opposite sexes, married or unmarried, and celibate, monogamous or polyamorous.

From Me, the free blog –

My life partner and I are romantic, are very close friends for life, we are of the same sex, unmarried and monogamous.

My life partner is more than the Wikipedia definition; my definition of my life partner encompasses additional qualities and traits.  These qualities and traits are included in the definitions for Lifeguard, Life Coach, Life Line and Life Saver.

My life partner as a Lifeguard will rescue me when I get into difficulty in a swimming pool.  Not just an actual swimming pool, but all other metaphors for swimming pool.  The swimming pool of life in comparison is more like an ocean.  This ocean at time seems endless with no land near and the boat we are on at times experiences turbulence in the water.  I know when the turbulence gets rough; my Lifeguard will be there to rescue me.

My life partner as a Life Coach councils and encourages me when I experience personal challenges.  This Life Coach will motivate me to fight the challenges and achieve my goals.  This Life Coach will advise me during times of decision making, and reminds me of my strengths and encourages me to overcome my weaknesses.

My life partner as a Life Line will preserve my life by keeping in contact during times of need.  This Life Line is never too far to throw me a rope when I need to be brought back closer.  This Life Line watches me close as I roam into uncharted territory and never leaves me alone in harm’s way.

My life partner as a Life Saver (the candy) is sweet, fruity and fun.  This Life Saver’s sweetness is never ending, always pleasurable in personality.  This Life Saver is fruity, mellow and cheerful.  This Life Saver is fun and enjoyable to have around.  This Life Saver can be lighthearted, be amusing and be entertaining.

So, my hopes are for people who have a life partner in their life, they have more than just the Wikipedia definition of a life partner.  My hope is your life partner rescues you, advices you, encourages and motivates you – My hope is your life partner brings pleasure and fun in your life.  My Life Partner Does!

image1

A Fresh Perspective –

When I wrote that post over 2 years ago, Gary was my life partner and today he is my husband.  I have written many posts about the importance of him in my life, especially now.  He continues to be my Lifeguard, my Life Coach, My Life Line and certainly my Life Saver (the candy).  He is all that and more, how fortunate I am to have this special person in my life.

Father & Sons

So many unexpected events have happened the last 2 weeks; and I was so totally un-prepared for them.

Saturday, June 17th in my post ‘unexpectedly‘, I wrote the following words –

Yesterday afternoon, I was alone resting. 

Suddenly the door opens and there was an unexpected surprise.

I am disabling comments my friends, because I need time away from WP today.

You know my appreciation for you all is great and never ending.

Thank you my friends for allowing me to take a day off.

Image2

Image Provided by: The View From A Slightly Twisted Angle

In today’s post, I write the following –

Upon the door opening, my Son #2 and his wife walk in.  I instantly break down with emotions and tears; and stand to give my Son #2 a big hug and a big kiss on the cheek.  “What are you doing here?”, I ask.  “We wanted to come down and spend Father’s Day with you.”  With more emotions and tears I let him know the importance of his unexpected visit and what it means to me.  We spend that Friday evening in the RV because, they are tired having started early that morning and I am not feeling well at all.

The very next day Saturday, I continue to not feel well; I am unable to walk on my right leg without using a cane and many other parts of my body are hurting.  With my pain medications just recently increased, I am tired and drowsy, but do my best to stay alert.

image4

Image Provided by: Meaningful Ideas

That afternoon, Son #2 and Gary leave to run an errand and my lovely daughter-in-law spend time together talking about what is going on with me and I open up some about my feelings with her and how I feel about it all.

After some time, the door opens and Son #2, informs me he has something for me.  I look his way, and following him are my Son #1 and Son #3.  Now the water works are flowing full force and as I rise to be at their level, the legs are wobbly and my back is bent forward – but the hugs and kisses are sturdy, strong and sincere.

Image2

Image Provided by: http://www.pinterest.com

What an honor to have all 3 sons here to celebrate Father’s Day with me.

We spend several hours talking and catching up and I let them know I am not feeling well and it may be difficult for me to go out and about.  They respond letting me know they are here to see me, not to go out and about to do other things.  So my 3 sons and 1 lovely daughter-in-law, Gary and I sit in the RV and talk.  The subject matter of my health is discussed and the severity of it.  I expressed many internal feelings to my sons, letting them know I did my best as a father given the circumstances.  I let them know the importance of my love I have for them.  We talk about life, relationships, and my cancer.

20170416_194313 (2)The weekend proceeds with most of our time spend in the RV.  My pain level is high and my right leg is in bad shape when trying to walk.

We all had a wonderful weekend; the best Father’s Day ever!

It was no accident

His name is mentioned here in many of my posts, and there are many words to describe him.

His name of course is Gary.

His role is friend, spouse, and most recently caregiver.

Several months ago, a fellow blogger and friend Laurel, published a post about caregivers.  In that post titled ‘For Gary ’, she ended with these words –

Gary and other people in the same role are “unsung heroes.”  That’s a phrase that most of the time represents a person who doesn’t get recognition or notoriety but plays an important, supportive role…”behind the scenes.”

They should be remembered.

Thank you again Laurel for the touching post; reading it again brings tears to my eyes.  Please if you have not read Laurel’s post, please do so – there is an important message there.

As many of you know, a little over 3 weeks ago, I had a major surgery.  Before being wheeled off to the operating room, Gary was holding my hand and we kissed.  He assured me everything would go well and he would be waiting for me.

I woke after surgery feeling I had been hit by a truck and there he was waiting.

I am grateful for Gary my caregiver and my unsung hero; who is strong, supportive, kind, understanding and extremely patient.  The past couple of weeks have been an adjustment for me and Gary.  My body has changed, both inside and outside.

He is still here today, waiting on me hand and foot and I at times feel I do not deserve him.  I am fortunate in that someone else thinks I do deserve him – I am grateful.

I believe everything happens for a reason both good and bad.  Gary and I met for a reason; our relationship developed for a reason; we became married for a reason.

Yep, everything happens for a reason, and Gary is in my life for a reason – one reason is certainly as caregiver and unsung hero.

There is a country song I like by Tracy Bird titled ‘The Keeper of the Stars’, with the song beginning with these lyrics –

It was no accident me finding you

Someone had a hand in it

Long before we ever knew

Now I just can’t believe you’re in my life

Heaven’s smilin’ down on me

Yes, everything happens for a reason; it was no accident me finding you.

Thank you Gary for being in my life, for taking care of me and for loving me.

I do not deserve you, not at all, but I am thankful and grateful you are in my life.

Love you,

Terry

One More Try

There are countless posts on my blog written about life; the whys, the what’s and the reasons.

Why do we live?

Why do we suffer?

Why do we die?

What is the meaning of life?

What is it we need to do?

What is the meaning of death?

Reasons to live life to the fullest.

Reasons to stop and smell the roses.

Reasons to not fear death.

I have many questions, I always have, and along the way I feel I received some answers; but then again, more questions came from those answers.

Many times, I publish posts about certain topics and will include a link to other posts for those that might be interested in reading them.  My posts about life, the meaning of it, death, learning and other topics from my mind can be found in the category ‘Attitudes, Feelings and Views‘.

I always stated this blog is about me and my life; and many posts I have written mention my faults and weaknesses.  I am far from perfect and at one time in my life I thought I was supposed to be.  I overcame that thought and realized I just will put forth the effort to be a better person each day.  Each day I grow, sometimes just a little bit; but I grow.  Each day I move forward; towards being a better person and towards death.

Last month, I published a post ‘Faith‘, where I wrote about the impact of George Michael’s album had on me at a difficult time in my life several decades ago.  His album Faith was important to me at a time I needed something to hold on to.  During many times in my life, I have needed some sort of faith.  Depending on where I was in my live; what trials and tribulations were taking place or the demons I had around me – sometimes faith appeared when I least expected it.   Many times, faith was a message that came from someone else and over the course of my life, that message came in the form of a song.

A song from George Michael’s album Faith is titled One More Try and includes the following lyrics –

I’ve had enough of danger

And people on the streets

I’m looking out for angels

Just trying to find some peace

‘Cause teacher

There are things that I don’t want to learn

And the last one I had

Made me cry

This song One More Try is about a relationship with another person.  But could it also be about a relationship with God or ourselves?

There are many different teachers in my life who have taught many different lessons.

Times in my life god and believes taught me.

I have taught myself.

My mom, dad, husband and many others have taught me – including George Michael.

And though I have learned many things in life and improved myself and became a better person with each passing day, year and decade – I still have questions.

As I continue to ask the questions and continue to make mistakes and stumble, I am given one more try.

That teacher; whoever or whatever it is – continues to give me one more try.

(Note: my responses to your comments will be delayed this week.  Please understand I continue to be in recovery mode and am moving slow.)

The Good Drunk

My category ‘Pictures & Stories’ are posts with me writing a fictional, creative short story about a picture.

SANYO DIGITAL CAMERA

The Good Drunk –

Is she a drunk?  That eye, that smile, do they tell the story of who this woman really is?  What about a boxer?  Could she be a street fighter?  Who is this mysterious woman?

A busy, hectic and demanding day well demanded a drink!  The bar was unusually busy that evening with regular patrons partaking in their usual drinks of choice.  Who were all these other people here for the first time?  Why was the bar filled with people needing a drink or maybe needing each other’s company?  The music is loudly playing the songs of yesteryear from the jukebox and the clinking of glasses and voices of the people consume the space.  Noise is soon replaced with silence as the front door slams and the figure walks out of the shadows.

It is her!  But who is she and why is she here?

As she makes her way to the bar, the crowd begins to play the role of drinkers again and the music once again begins to play.  As she approaches the bar, the bartender asks for her request and quickly proceeds to fulfill it.  The Shirley Temple is sipped slowly as she focuses on the room of drinkers.  Those drinkers are drinking due to a busy, hectic and demanding day.  As her glass is emptied she turns around for another request while at the same time the patron next to her begins to rise from his barstool.  What takes place next will shock them both.

The man’s elbow firmly encounters this mysterious woman’s eye with severe force.  The knockdown takes place with a smash – the good drunk is down.

Who is this mysterious woman?

He makes me want to be the best I can be.

He makes me want to be a better person.  He makes me want to be the best I can be.

20150420_183112_001

Image Provided by: spearfruit.com

Why is this?

There is an article on the thoughtcatalog.com website that lists signs your relationship is making you a better person and includes the following –

You find yourself making more and more tiny compromises—about which type of movie to watch, or what time to eat dinner—without feeling at all bitter.

Your main need might just be to meet their needs. And why not? You’ve spent enough years focused entirely on number one.

Overwhelmed by gratitude, you catch yourself saying “thank you” with more enthusiasm than necessary—to people who hold open doors, compliment you, or look friendly in general. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

You want to return the Universe’s favor, so you act kindly towards everyone, even not-so-nice strangers. It takes way more than an annoying street performer who gets in your face on the subway or a rude waiter to make you angry.

You’re drunk on Love Kool-Aid and you know it, but you’re not embarrassed. You’re desperate to share the joy running through your veins.

You’re more motivated than ever to exercise and eat healthy because you have more reason than ever to live longer.

Your general outlook is incredibly positive. Bad things definitely happen, but there’s so much good in the world, too. You know this because it led you to your lover.

Really?  That was not quite what I had in mind when writing this post.  For me my relationship is making me a better person because I want to be a better person for him.  He deserves a better person to be in his life to be his partner in life and to be his spouse, his support and his love.  This is why he makes me want to be the best I can be – to be a better person.  I know relationships are about 2 people and yes, I am a control freak at times and make it all about me.  I am working on this, because it is not always about me or should not always be about me.  I am working on this, because I want to be a better person for him.

He makes me want to be the best I can be.

Why is this?

Could it be love, devotion, dedication or commitment?  Well it may be a little of all – whatever the reason, it is good for me.  It is good for me because I want to be good for him.  I want to be the best for him, a better person; the best I can be.

20150606_100038

Image Provided by: spearfruit.com

He makes me want to be the best I can be and I am a better person because of him.

Mean Lately

I have been a mean person lately.  Gary is the recipient of my meanness.  I recently have displayed happiness, joy and positive here on my blog.  In reality, I have been a mean person lately.

In my post ‘The Evil Person Inside‘, I concluded with the following –

Is there really an evil person inside of me?  Maybe there is not an evil person inside; maybe I am just losing control.  Losing control of what?  Maybe I just have an anger issue or I am easy to lose my temper.z93gxke4hdevgvn8mhuf

Per the above excerpt, I am not an evil person and therefore there is something I can and should do to control my outbursts even when I do not know when they are going to occur.  For me I think there are triggers that cause the uncontrollable episodes of rage and angry.  I am trying to change my thinking so the triggers are no longer valid and therefore nothing occurs.  The changes include my mindfulness meditation, exercising, working on having more patience and I am really trying not to be a control freak.

In today’s post I write the following –

These episodes recently are occurring more frequency; maybe due to stress?  The placing of the current home on the market is occurring in less than a week and still there is a list of things to do.  And I thought we were going with ‘Plan A’ for our next chapter, but now we are thinking about ‘Plan B’.  There are still decisions to be made and time is running short; what if the current home sells quickly?  Currently we do not have a place to live immediately upon selling this house; and we still have some downsizing to do.

Yes, I have been feeling stress and I know as usual I place stress upon myself with my lists, schedules and time tables.  When the items on my lists are not marked off based on the schedule I allowed per my time table, I become stress – and stress leads to me being mean.  I have been a mean person lately.

Gary is the recipient of my meanness.  I recently have displayed happiness, joy and positive here on my blob.  Now do not get me wrong, I am happy about moving on from the current home to the next chapter.  I do feel joy about the move and change that will take place in the near future.  And I am positive the next chapter will bring me from a place where living life is unimaginative to a place where life is creative, original, new and fresh again.

Image2

Image Provided by: quotesgram.com

I have been a mean person lately.  Gary is the recipient of my meanness.  He puts up with me, does not necessarily understand me at times, he is strong, sincere and patient.

I need to be more conscience of me, my behaviors, my reactions and my thoughts.  Difficult it is at times for me; the person who is impulsive, and creates outbursts of anger and control.

Yes, I have been a mean person lately.

Anniversaries

In my post ‘The Hit – The Last Chapter‘, I wrote the following –

I am unsure how long I stayed motionless with the eyes closed listening to the music and pretending not to know of this presence.  I opened my eyes and there next to me was that guy.  That guy I have noticed on several occasions but pretended to not be interested in.  This was the meeting of my future husband.

That day is when my life changed forever.  It is 13 years later, we are married and living and experiencing all the ups and downs life is providing us.  There have been struggles and good times, fights, making up, having fun and moving on.

In today’s post, I write the following –

That day the meeting of my future husband was 13 years ago today.

thecoupleconnection.net has an article ‘The importance of relationship milestones and anniversary celebrations’ which includes the following –

Most couples remember the important moments in their relationship: the time they met, their wedding day, the births of their children. But not all remember to celebrate these special occasions, especially after several years together.

Research shows that marking important anniversaries can actually help strengthen relationships. If a couple is having problems, taking the time to celebrate together will spark memories of those happy times they shared in the early days.

mommyish.com article ‘Only Boring Married Couples Stop Celebrating Wedding Anniversaries’ includes the following excerpt –

Please kill me if I ever get so complacent that I can’t muster up the energy to celebrate my own wedding anniversary. Yes, this lack of celebration really happens in real life—probably to real people you know.

Maybe I fall far on the other side of the fence because I’ve always been one for celebrating. I absolutely love birthdays and dressing up for random holidays because all of this shit only comes once a year, people! If you can’t dress like a slutty leprechaun every 365 days, then life isn’t worth living, I always say.

Wedding anniversaries are no different—if not a better reason to celebrate. Hopefully, you are still happy you got married however many years ago. Hopefully, you still enjoy looking into the dopey face of your spouse at least once a year on a special date night to celebrate the day you were wed.

Gary and I usually do not celebrate the day we met and usually do not celebrate our birthdays – maybe we need to start.

Gary and I have not reached our 1st year wedding anniversary – but I think we should celebrate it.

After many years of being together, we exist and our relationship continues.  It may be that initial spark has dimmed, and our routines are played out each and every day and we know the other so well we have become content and relaxed and comfortable.  This is good, but that spark that was lit upon meeting 13 years ago; should be revisited and celebrated – maybe we need to start – today!

Opposite

Opposite

merriam-webster.com has this definition –

Simple Definition of opposite

1:  located at the other end, side, or corner of something: located across from something

2:  completely different

enchantedlearning.com has the following information –

Opposites are also called antonyms. Some common opposites are:

absent – present,            alive – dead,      backward – forward,      begin – end,      

create – destroy,             dark – light

dead – alive,      end – begin, start,            fail – succeed,  

float – sink,         fresh – stale,      full – empty,      hard – easy

limited – boundless,       loss – win,           mad – happy, sane,         maximum – minimum, new – old,           no – yes

optimist – pessimist,      past – present,                

patient – impatient,       

possible – impossible,    stop – go,

strong – weak,  success – failure,              victory – defeat      

They say opposites attract – is this true?

psychologytoday.com article ‘The Real Reason That Opposites Attract’ begins with the following –

Did you ever think that it was a cruel joke of nature that most of us find ourselves attracted to people very much unlike us? I mean, wouldn’t it be an awful lot simpler and a lot less messy if we tended to be drawn to those whose personalities are more like our own rather than those who seem like they are polar opposites of us.

The article continues with the following –

We are drawn to others out of needs and desires that are unfulfilled in our lives, such as a desire to experience greater connection, security, love, support, and comfort. On the other hand some of those unfulfilled longings have to do with their polar opposites, such as adventure, freedom, risk, challenge, and intensity. While these needs and desires may appear to be mutually exclusive, they not only can co-exist with each other, but in the process, generate a “tension of the opposites” that produces the passion that sustains, deepens and enlivens relationships.

It continues with the following –

Opposites, or perhaps more accurately, “complements” do attract. Introverts and extroverts, morning people and night people, impulsives and planners, steady plodders and adrenaline junkies, adventure-grabbers and security-seekers…there’s no denying the idea that something in us is drawn to people who counter some of our dominant inclinations with complementary tendencies.

Gary and I are not total opposites, we certainly have our differences and we have our similarities.  If I had to pick and choose a few words from the above list, this is where the words would fall.

Terry                     Gary

Absent                 Present

Forward               Backward (he would disagree)

Destroy                Create

Dark                       Light

Fresh                     Stale (he would again disagree)

Limited                 Boundless

Mad                       Sane

Pessimist             Optimist (more so than me)

Impatient            Patient

Impossible          Possible

No                          Yes

Okay, upon viewing this list do you see who is the positive person in this relationship; the nice and pleasant person?  Do we have conflict?  Absolutely, but ultimately we balance each other out.

We balance each other out when it comes to other areas of our relationship as well.  He is a numbers guy – me not so much so.  I am the tech guy – him definitely not.

We have our differences and we have our similarities – ultimately we have each other.