Gary’s Text

Monday’s post was titled ‘Hospice & Home‘, and today’s post I could easily name Hospice House.  I do not need to be confused any more than I already am.

Image1

Because hospice focus is quality of life while I am still here and since Monday my body took a different direction than expected, I am in the hospital – a hospice hospital – or in my case, a Hospice House.

I started having issues breathing due to fluid on my lungs and my pain had increased as well.  Recent pain medication had changed and an increased in level took place.  It is believed my body is not eliminating fluids qs quickly and this fluid is building in my lungs as well as other places.  I currently am off my nutritional fluid IV while this fluid reduces in my lungs and my breathing become easier again.  I entered Hospice House on Tuesday and unsure how long I will be here.  This place does not seem like a hospital, but instead a quiet place to receive peace and treatment.

Image2

I stole these words from a text Gary sent a couple of days ago – (with some editing)

We thought it best for him to receive some medical care for the recent build up of fluids in his lungs causing him breathing issues and to try to figure out how best to get some nutrients into him that won’t cause so much issues with the fluid buildup. The place is very pleasant and cheery and the staff are very attentive and compassionate.

with each new breath

My friends this past week I have had unexpected change in plans.

After my appointment last Tuesday with Dr. C., he decided to admit me into the hospital.

Since then, much has taken place and this weekend I have more family visiting.

I plan to post everyday – this is my goal.

For the next several days, I have a favor to ask.

I need some rest, some time to catchup on me.

Comments are disabled today.

Image1

This image was taken October of last year.

As time passes, so can better times, so do our lives, so did my better health.

I beg with each new breath, take me back to a healthier time and to a better place in my life.

non-existent meditation

Back in August of last year in my post ‘I started meditating‘, I concluded with the following words –

Meditation once again brought me comfort and brought me back to me.

I asked meditation to join me and help me, to improve me, to take me and bring me to a better place.

I asked meditation to teach me, to build me, to journey with me to a better life.

Mediation has accomplished these and will continue to do so as I proceed forward into my journey.

I started meditating.

In today’s post, I begin with the following words –

I have not written or even mentioned anything about meditation for quite some time.  It once was a daily activity in my life and now is a memory of something I once did.  I enjoyed the time spent meditating and felt I received benefits from it that helped me in my daily life.  I missed it; but used the past 6 month’s events to not be associated with it.  There was the chemotherapy, the CAT Scans, the PET Scans, MRI and then the surgery.  There was the overwhelming tiredness, the severe pains, the difficulty in walking and other problems related to my cancer and my health.

But, I did not use meditation during this time, instead allowing that present situation at times during the past months to take control of my moods and attitude.  I missed it.

Image1

Image Provided by: http://www.menofspirit.com

The non-existent meditation, I want to bring back into my life and be a part of me again.

I ask meditation to join me again and help me again, to improve me again and to take me and bring me to a better place.

I ask meditation to teach me again, to build me again, to journey with me to a better life.

Meditation has accomplished these in the past and I hope again to do so again as I proceed forward into my journey.

Gator Gary

My category ‘Pictures & Stories’ are posts with me writing a fictional, creative short story about a picture.

Gator GaryGator Gary –

It was on the bucket list #8, just behind #7 Mud Wresting a Baboon.

So, #8, is to ride a gator.

As time approached to attempt the completion of bucket list #8, the anxiety increased.

But who was more anxious?

Gary was ready and mentally prepared for the task; bucket list #8.

The Gator not so much.

As the mounting of the Gator took place, there was a frozen stance.

The Gator in its frozen stance did not respond to Gary’s commands.

So, would bucket list #8 be checked off as completed?

Sunrise Offered

Sunrise offered a very beautiful spectacle; the water was quite unruffled, but the motion communicated by the tides was so great that, although there was not a breath of air stirring, the sea heaved slowly with a grand and majestic motion.

– George Grey

I took this video several months ago, early one morning to watch the sunrise.

It had much to offer me.

Since my surgery I have yet to walk on the beach, it is waiting for my return.

One day when feeling a little better I plan to take a walk on the beach again.

One day when I am recovered I plan to watch another sunrise.

And take in what it has to offer.

What is meditation teaching me?

Meditation – why are you in my life?  I asked you to join me and help me, to improve me, to take me and bring me to a better place.

Meditation – why are you in my life?  I asked you to teach me, to build me, to journey with me to a better life.

Meditation has joined with me and helps me, though a slow process for me, it is improving me.  Meditation is taking me to a quieter mind and bringing me back to be in the moment, at this time at this place; a better place.  Meditation is teaching me, though a slow process for me, to have additional patience, improved concentration and to have calmness during times of interruptions.

It is early morning and the exercising is over and now I meditate.  The room is dark and the windows with the blinds open; pass through faint light from the darkness that still encompasses this part of the world.  The sounds from beyond the walls out in the world of the early morning are faint and non-intruding.  The next 22 minutes and 25 seconds I sit in silence on the floor concentrating on the breath, posture and mind.

Sitting in this position and concentrating on the breath is teaching me patience.  There are times I am restless and want to move on the next activity of the morning routine.  The breath is back in focus and the mind again will concentrate on that which will calm it and improve the patience.  This mindfulness will continue to be available later in the day when the patience wants to be in short supply.  I am learning to find the patience in everything else that comes my way.  Do I always succeed, no – but I must have patience in learning patience.

Sitting in this position and concentrating on the breath is teaching me concentration.  Many times I am losing my concentration and the mind will wander. At times sitting the wandering takes place for what seems to be quite a while.  The breath is back in focus and the mind again will concentrate on the moment, in the present.  This mindfulness will continue to be available later in the day when the concentration is broken and once again starts to wander.  I am learning to find concentration in everything else that comes my way.  Do I always succeed, no – but I must concentrate on learning concentration.

Image2

Image Provided by: http://www.youtube.com

Sitting in this position, the interruptions come and go; physically and mentally, they come and go.  The breath is back in focus and the mind again will release the frustration of these interruptions and take me back to a better place.  This mindfulness will continue to be available later in the day when the interruptions occur.  I am learning when those interruptions occur, to have patience and to concentrate on that which is in the moment.  Do I always succeed, no – but I must not interrupt the interruption.

What is meditation teaching me?

Early Morning, Waves & Me

Last week I was in Florida – words I wrote one early morning –

I am in Florida and my routine is off, different from the usual events and activities from the everyday life.

Florida first evening here in a hotel on the beach facing the ocean – it rains, heavy with thunderstorms and strong winds and the temperature is cool, but not cold.

A nice dinner was eaten after which a brisk quick walk took place during the heavy rain events then back to the hotel room for some end of the day chat about the house hunting events of the day.

Image1

Image Provided By: spearfruit.com

Time to go to bed and he says “Leave the balcony slider open some so we can hear the ocean waves as they make their appearance on the shore.”

I reply “There is no screen, what if a bird flies in?”  His response “No bird is going to fly into this room, it will be okay.”  The slider is left open a bit to hear the waves as we sleep.

I sleep some, good sleep, not much, but the sleep is restful.  Each time I wake throughout the night I hear those waves from the ocean that is a short distance from the room.

Each time I wake, I glance at the clock, it is closer to time to wake for the day, but the time passes slowly and I should find more sleep within me so that I am fully rested; and some sleep is found.

The next wake it is a little later, not much and I think about the time difference and it is close to my usual time of rising and that I do.

Image2

Image Provided By: spearfruit.com

The waves, a short distance from me beg me to come to the balcony and not only hear them roar louder but to feel them and let them be a part of me, and so I accept the invitation.

The morning breeze is strong, cool, damp, but refreshing and welcoming by me.  And along with the strong sound of the waves, I feel peaceful, I feel grateful, I feel alive.

My usual early morning activities begin with yoga this morning with the music of the waves as the rhythm that my poses will count to.   The body and mind are one; the world, body and mind are one.

Upon a brief yoga session, I meditate and the waves again provide the rhythm, except this time the waves, my body and my mind are one.

The breath I take is the same breath the earth takes, the oxygen filling my lungs is the very oxygen the earth produces to provide me this particular morning.  I appreciate this oxygen and this breath.

Image3

Image Provided By: spearfruit.com

I appreciate this morning and I appreciate those waves.

I am in Florida and my routine is off, different from the usual events and activities from the everyday life.

But this particular early morning, I am alone in the world; it is just me and the waves.  I have calmness within me and I am at peace.