Sleepy Head

My category ‘Pictures & Stories’ are posts with me writing a fictional, creative short story about a picture.

sleepy-head

Sleepy Head –

I thought the conversation was good and full of interesting topics of discussion.  As we continued, the drinks were poured and consumed and laughter was filling the area as we were having a great time.  And then it happened, once again it happened.

It does not matter where or when or how or why; it just happens.  No matter sun or rain, cold or hot, the results are always the same.  I predicted it and then it became so.

So, what is the reason for the slumber, the sleepy head?

Insomnia Talking (unplugged)

A couple of weeks ago in my post ‘Sleep‘, I wrote the following –

Upon my cancer diagnosis and the treatment plan, I stopped drinking on a regular basis, and now with taking only the medications that are essential in my recovery – my sleep is affected.  Without something to aid me, my usual sleep habit for most of my life is back – basically insomnia.

In today’s post, I write the following –

During one of those sleepless nights, I voice recording my feelings and thoughts.

Here are those words – (unedited & unplugged)

image1

Image Provided by: Brain Core Therapy NC

I am angry – it is 11:45 PM and I am angry and I am pissed off.

I am pissed off because everyone is asleep and I am awake; I am sitting here awake.

I am sitting here awake because I can’t sleep, and I drank.

And I drank so it can help me sleep, but I can’t sleep and I am awake, and I am mad at you and everybody else because you are sleeping and I am not.

And why am I in a bad mood every day, because I can’t sleep?

Because I am mad at you, because you are asleep and I am not?

And I am sitting here awake and I just want to walk and leave and die and be away from everything – but no, I have to sit here.

I have to sit here and deal with this shit and deal with this life that God or somebody gave me.

I have to just deal with everything that is given me and I am supposed to be in a good mood, I am supposed to be happy.

But I can’t be happy because I am sitting here at midnight, awake because I can’t sleep.

And I am mad at you and everybody else that is asleep right now.

I am mad at every one of you because you are asleep and I am not because I sitting here awake because I can’t sleep.

And I am angry and I am mad.

And I want to just kill myself, I want to just die; I just don’t want to be here.

And you don’t understand why I don’t want to be here.

Because this is what I have to deal with every day.

This is what I have to deal with – this – and cancer and everything else in my life.

And you wonder why I don’t want to be here.

It angers me; I don’t want to be here.

The end of the voice recording.

I conclude with the following –

Know my friends, that was just one night that I struggled with major insomnia and since then the nights are much better and no longer sleepless.

Also, know, I am no longer using alcohol to help me sleep.